For the past year now we've been having problems with our DS. He's bright, attends a grammar school (Y10) but has always hooked up with dodgy friends outside school, some of whom have been excluded from other schools. His attitude at school is bad - has already been excluded once for persistent defiance; his grades are way off target and has no interest in studying. We have had lots of meetings with school and each time it's been a 'last chance' scenario. A couple of months ago he was picked up by the Police for shoplifting - trying to steal a bottle of cider to take to a party.
We have a Family Outreach Worker assigned to us who seems to have had one session with him a month ago and then has been off sick, so little support there. He's constantly glued to his phone and on his PS4 - except when either of these are confiscated! Very little interaction with the rest of the family - nothing in common with DD, 17. For the last six months I've been concerned that he's smoking - I've found cigarette papers, lighters, tobacco, filters, e-cigarettes and vaping liquid in his room. When challenged he's always denied it. But for the past few weeks I have been able to get into his phone (while he's at school) and have seen photos of him smoking, pictures of bags of cannabis changing hands, texts about dealers and various other references to weed. bud and biffs. I've confronted him about it, tried to talk reasonably about the choices he's making and the risks involved but have told him if I find anything like that at home I'm going to the Police. However, I know if I report him this will very likely lead him to getting excluded from school again and simply drive him more towards his dodgy mates. He has a job so gets a regular income each week - which he mainly seems to spend on clothes on DeePop - so definitely has enough to buy drugs and cigarettes.
My DH had a massive row with him last weekend as he was grounded (due to lying to us about where he was; going away for the afternoon to another town on the bus and not coming back at agreed time) but he ran off anyway. DH is at his wit's end - has said he doesn't even like him, feels if he doesn't 'do as he's told' he will throw him out when he's 16 (can he do this?). There is no negotiation or attempt to understand him and most of the time I'm mediating between the two of them; big strain on marriage. DH doesn't know the extent of the problem and I feel like I'm carrying the burden of this on my own. Anyone else going through this? Any ideas of how to engage with DS and get him back on track? I live in a constant state of high-alert waiting for the next phone call from school or from the Police.
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Teenagers
15 yr old DS - smoking, drugs and school
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Midlifemumofteens · 29/04/2018 22:53
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