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What is the process of putting a child into care?

(23 Posts)
Hgrimes94 Tue 24-Apr-18 11:55:06

Me and my parter moved his 16 year old sister in to our when his mum had a schizophrenic episode and was sectioned. We are 23 and 24 years old and bought our first home in june 2017. She moved in to ours in november 2017. Shes always been a problem child due to missing so much school and not having a father or proper mother figure throughout her life. In february 2018 her mum and my partners sadly passed away unexpectedly. We decided to attempt to look after her and support her. We are in debt ourselves and have no help from anybody or support with her. His sister has an undiagnosed mental health issue (potentially schizophrenic as its hereditary). She stays out past when we ask her to. She refuses to go to school. Both of our jobs have been affected as we cant be there for when she gets up for school because we both work early morning. She selfharms, compulsively lied, has a bad teenager attitude. We cant give her financial, emotional or physical support of being around a lot. Shes causing major arguments with me and my partner and are close to splitting because i cant cope with her. What is the process of putting her in care and how does it work?

OP’s posts: |
ihatethecold Tue 24-Apr-18 11:57:26

Have you already approached social services?
Has she been assessed by camhs regarding her mental health?

Caulk Tue 24-Apr-18 11:59:18

Have you spoken to your GP? Self referred to camhs?

At 16 it’s unlikely she will be placed anywhere other than a hostel.

Hgrimes94 Tue 24-Apr-18 12:00:23

We took her to camhs she puts a barrier up and insists shes fine. When we try to help she throws it in our faces. Her exact words were 'I dont give a f**k what youve done for me'. I approached social services because i cant cope any longer and i was made to feel bad. Im not far off a teenager myself and dont have the skills or experience to put up with somebody elses child

OP’s posts: |
ihatethecold Tue 24-Apr-18 12:00:30

Are there any other family members giving you all support?

flapjackfairy Tue 24-Apr-18 12:01:21

At 16 it will be v hard to get foster care for her tbh. Sue is reaching the age of being able to live independantly in soc services

Hgrimes94 Tue 24-Apr-18 12:02:06

She has two sisters. The 21 year old doesnt have room for her as she cant share a room with her 2 young boys. Her eldest of 26 fulltime cares for our grandma who has deep dementia

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KanyeWesticle Tue 24-Apr-18 12:18:35

First step is to contact social services.

Hgrimes94 Tue 24-Apr-18 12:20:34

Ive done that. They told me how psychologically damaging care is. Shes already mentally damaged.. she needs professional help. Am i wrong to say i dont want to be responsible for her? Ive tried and im so stress im close to a break down myself. Im 23 it isnt right

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Jackyjill6 Thu 26-Apr-18 00:35:32

Is she registered at a school OP? If she is you could contact them and ask to speak to someone in pastoral care to see what they suggest.

I'd also go back to social services and insist on having help and support

oncemoreunto Thu 26-Apr-18 01:02:02

I agree with caulk she is unlikely to be taken into care at 16. This is the wind down age for children's social care. However with pushing they may help place her in a hostel or perhaps supported living if you live in some areas.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 26-Apr-18 01:06:42

They're right, care is psychologically damaging. So is everything else that's happened to her.

But that doesn't mean your house is the right place for her. There are youth shelters, services for youth mental health, care homes and all sorts of other services. But SS aren't going to fund those if there's a free alternative. So if you can't or won't cope with her, tell SS that she will be homeless as of <date> and tell them she needs accommodation. Are you near Council offices (for SS and Housing)?

ViceAdmiralAmilynHoldo Thu 26-Apr-18 01:16:50

Sounds very hard on you all OP.
There are supported living schemes for young people run by charities such as centrepoint. I don't know whether she is old enough to access these.
Have a google around* '*young people supported living'.
Could you consider asking for some respite foster care? That might be more possible than a long term placement at this stage?

Regingaphalange Thu 26-Apr-18 01:23:49

Your SIL needs a SW assessment. In Scotland this is the law. She needs support. She is highly vulnerable. She needs love, care and attention. You might think you're too young and you probably are but you need to show empathy regardless

nursy1 Thu 26-Apr-18 01:59:42

Op you have given this youngster fabulous support and I’ve no doubt you will in the future but I agree that you need more help than you are currently getting.
Go back to SS, also as some have said to the school and your GP, you could ash for his help in this. Book a double appointment even if you have to wait for a couple of weeks.
As a pp said say that you are at the end of your tether and she will no longer have a home with you from 14 days time ( put it in writing) stress she is vulnerable and see what they can find her. Even temporary foster care as holdo said would give you an opportunity to think straight and get something in place for her.

meandthem Thu 26-Apr-18 02:12:20

Hi OP,
You are obviously trying so hard to do the "right thing" for which I genuinely admire you, but this young girl both needs and deserves so much more, than you and your partner (and most people) have the capacity for.
You cannot just place a child in care; there are all sorts of legal hoops that have to be jumped through in court. There is something called a Special Guardianship Order, which is sometimes used for older children but my understanding is that this can only be applied for, via Social Services and the courts, when they have resided with you (or a foster family) for a year. It does however, give access to funds for specialist support which continues beyond the age of 18, although this may vary in different areas. I agree with previous posters however that fostering of young people of this age is unfortunately difficult to find.
My very strong advice though is to persist and not take no for an answer from Children's Services - it is unclear who actually has parental responsibility for this girl, who is legally still a child. If she has turned 16 this academic year she will be on roll at a school, even if she doesn't attend, and I would have expected school to make the appropriate referrals based on her being a child "missing in education" (which is a safeguarding thing) and for Children's Services to have become involved.
Safeguarding is the mantra you have to keep repeating to Children's Services as this is the core of their business, along with clarification of who has parental responsibility for her - is her father alive? You, your partner and his sister seem to have been left to muddle through, which is not acceptable and legally questionable if guardianship has not been established.
You have my respect and admiration for what you are trying to do.
Please do not give up!

Battleax Thu 26-Apr-18 02:26:21

Depending on your area you may be able to make direct contact with a youth Foyer or similar.

mumstaxi2 Sun 29-Apr-18 20:44:17

I am so sorry to hear about this very sad situation - both for you & your partner & your partner's sister. Please do contact social services - she is a very vulnerable young lady who is not yet 18 so whilst foster care may not be appropriate there should be other options.
I know of a family where the three younger siblings were placed on long term foster care (for different reasons) also the 16 yr old was given a young person's supported housing placement as she could not stay at home - SS did not wipe their hands of her because she was 16 - I'm fact she is now 18 and still gets support albeit slightly less.

Nb65988 Sat 26-May-18 16:13:46

Tell her to get a job she's 16 and not in school she needs to financially look after herself if she is to stay I personally would fling out my vunrable sister out on the street at if my partner didn't like it then they could leave she's 16 fucking up ure job to wake her up for no stay in work she needs to learn to wake herself up and there's no need for arguments over her she's 16 and her mum's just died and ure trying to Palm her off on social services I would not be in a relationship with you it's his sister she has attitude arrange appointment at council and explain the situation see if there's a teenager homeless unit she can go into get her out working and don't give her any money put a roof over her head and feed.het it's upto her if she comes back to ures or not but just have door open I don't see what u being in debt is got to do with it just another excuse that's not her fault she's not asking for 1000 of pounds ure just put out caus4 it's not just the 2 of us if hate to be 16 no mum or dad in my brother's and they don't want me no wonder she has attitude

Hgrimes94 Sun 27-May-18 06:27:48

Being in debt is a massive contribution actually.. our wages just about cover us two. We are living off food banks because we cant afford proper food. Im not trying to palm her off so dont you dare try and make me look like the bad guy. I was the one who said she can live with us. Ive sacrificed a lot for her. Reguardless to whatever you think im actually only 8 years older than her. Ive no children of my own so dont know how to bring up a child never mind a 16 year old. She is not a normal 16 hear old either. She shows signs of schizophrenia like her mum. She is registered as vulnerable to grooming and abuse. She self harms. She has the mental age of a 10-12 year old. To say my boyfriend shouldnt be with me is just rude and ignorant. Yes i try to do whats best for her but im a human too and shouldnt be made to live under the amount of stress i have been. She has gone to live eith her sister now after she turned her phone off and disappeared. Thankyou for all the suggestions and help from the people who havent just criticized me.

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MigGril Sun 27-May-18 06:40:39

Nb65988 children have to be in full time education until they are 18 now or taking an apprenticeship (which normally don't pay very much). Can't go out to work and earn a full living not like they used to.

ems137 Sun 27-May-18 07:01:58

Op I had a similar situation when my mum died a few years ago. I became responsible for my 16 yo sibling. It was a nightmare, they were awful before mum died so it wasn't just grief. I couldn't handle all the constant stress and didn't feel safe to be honest.

I contacted social services and told them my sibling was now homeless. They, very quickly, placed them in assisted living type place. It was basically foster care but teaching my sibling independence.

Hgrimes94 Sun 27-May-18 12:30:29

She was used to grtting whatever she wanted. Her mum was mentally not well so she didnt force her to go to school resulting in her being at educational level of an 8 year old and emotionally only 10-12. We couldnt affors to give her what she was used to. She would come home whenever she felt like it or hust turn her phone off so we didnt contact her. She had no respect for my house which i had only just bought. It wasnt grief causing her to act out. Shes living with her sister atm were she doesnt get home cooked meals, her house isnt clean like ours. Shes no carpet or wallpaper in her room. She doesnt have brand new furniture like she had at ours. Shes been full stripped back from all privileges and she seems to be appretiating things a bit more now. So fingers crossed she will start to pick herself up

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