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Teenagers

Very quick help needed!

11 replies

Neveragain12 · 23/04/2018 07:46

My 14yr old Son (yr10) suffers with Adhd, anxiety and OCD. He has always struggled with school. He is "normal" on the surface though and is in a friendship group of about 5 boys.

Recently, every so often, his friends suddenly decide they don't like him and don't answer their phones and lie about where they are so he can't play out with them. This happened yesterday so he spent all the lovely sunny day in the hoise alone. They then text him some horrible texts which he did make worse by reacting angrily, but because of his ADHD that's how he reacts, especially when he doesn't understand what's happened.

This morning he is refusing to go to school as he's worried they've all turned against him and he'll have no-one at break time to be with.

I'm not a fan of missing school but his anxieties are very real and I don't want him being bullied or left put or worried at school.

I've explained that its better to face things rather than hide and try to make things better but it's hard for a teenager to grasp that.

He's too big to force to go..

Would you let him stay off for the day?

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Ikeameatballs · 23/04/2018 07:49

No because it will still be there tomorrow and then it will feel like an even bigger issue.

If he needs support to deal with today speak to the school. See if a teacher can peak to him at lunch and break to check he is ok.

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chaosisaladder · 23/04/2018 07:49

Yes, absolutely. I'm sorry for your son - schoolkids can be the absolute worst.

I would make sure, however, that he doesn't get the impression that staying off school is the solution.

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INeedNewShoes · 23/04/2018 07:51

No! It'll be even worse tomorrow.

And there'll be times in future when he feels the same about school, uni, a job where he's made a mistake etc. You have to learn to face up to difficult days.

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AJPTaylor · 23/04/2018 07:51

I would say he can stay off the day only if you can contact the school to try and resolve.

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SilverHairedCat · 23/04/2018 07:53

No way. He goes to school.

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InflagranteDelicto · 23/04/2018 07:55

No, he'd be going in. If wobbly is arrange for a friend to take my youngest to primary and drive him in myself, having a chat with the office staff. Ds' school are good with the pastoral care, and get his quirks (asd & add)

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Neveragain12 · 23/04/2018 08:01

How do I get him to go when I've been trying to talk him round all morning and he is downright refusing?

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fobiddenfruitcrumble · 23/04/2018 08:05

Do everything in your power to get him in. We had a similar situation that ended in 7 months school refusing and ultimately a change of school. He will gain self-esteem from overcoming this.

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whereiscaroline · 23/04/2018 08:07

Can you offer your sympathy and suggest something nice for the two of you to do together later on? Both as an incentive to get him into school, and so he's got something nice to look forward to and get him through the day?

Sorry if that's a rubbish idea, but it's what I'd try. I know bribes aren't the best but they are sometimes a last resort with my son who has ADHD.

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VerbenaBorensis · 23/04/2018 12:58

I feel for you-my DS hasn't ADHD but sounds like a similar scenario. Perhaps u could suggest he goes in after lunch? (prob too late now but maybe for another time?) Chances are that he will come home and everything will be ok-we worry ourselves silly-kids can be so horrible and it breaks yr heart. Agree with all the different comments and the last thing you need if for this to become a habit but equally different when u can't force them (and if they realise then its a big problem) I let mine stay at home with the agreement he would do homework during the day and he go in the next day-he did both and by the time he came homee from school, all was ok. Good luck. Really feel for you.