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Dd 15 wants her girlfriend to sleepover

(15 Posts)
Jakadaal Fri 13-Apr-18 00:06:18

Am in a quandary- as above dd 15 came out as gay in September last year. She's had a number of very short lived relationships but has now been seeing someone for a coup,e of months, this girl is 17. Dd has now asked for her gf to have a sleepover in her room. It sounds awful but if it was a boy I would say an outright no but what do I say to this?!

Anyone else been in a similar situation? I initially struggled with dd coming out as did my dd herself but I am supportive of dd .... am I just bring old fashioned or hypocritical?

OP’s posts: |
Jaguarana Fri 13-Apr-18 00:12:56

I haven't been in a similar situation, but I think the answer to this is quite simple. If you'd say no to a boyfriend sleeping over you have to say the same to a girlfriend doing so. No double standards. She's only 15, she needs her mum to say no sometimes.

Graphista Fri 13-Apr-18 00:13:30

I wouldn't have allowed it in your shoes.

No problem with the sexuality I'm bi myself, but she's too young to be dealing with that full on a relationship especially when they haven't been together very long.

She's still under the age of consent too.

DickensianHysteric Fri 13-Apr-18 00:15:54

I agree, if you'd say no to a boyfriend staying then you have to say no to a girlfriend too.

RockingMyFiftiesNot Fri 13-Apr-18 00:16:04

You handle it exactly the same way as you would if it was a male partner. And be prepared for the same fall out!!

Sparklynails7 Fri 13-Apr-18 00:18:31

You wouldn't want your 15 year old daughter to share a bed with a 17 year old boy so it should be the same if she's in a relationship with a girl. Also, your daughter is under the age of consent so a "sleepover" wouldn't be a good idea.

BitOfFun Fri 13-Apr-18 00:24:09

My main concern would be that you are creating an intimacy that is inappropriate at such a young age. Life is challenging enough for teenagers facing important exams without them hurtling themselves towards emotionally exhausting relationships which are beyond their maturity level and that they haven't learned the resilience to navigate.

I'd say no.

Jakadaal Fri 13-Apr-18 00:27:37

Thanks everyone - no was my gut reaction but I think I was maybe trying to be too cool about it. I had a very strict upbringing so am trying to be a bit more relaxed in my parenting approach although I do say No a lot as dd always pushes the boundaries.

As you all say is she only 15.

OP’s posts: |
Littlechocola Fri 13-Apr-18 00:30:39

If it’s no to a boy then it’s no to a girl. They’ve not been together that long and she’s 15. But it’s great that she asked you.
Maybe compromise and say sleep over but not in her room?

BitOfFun Fri 13-Apr-18 00:31:45

Remember that you are looking after her, not trying to spoil her fun. There are good reasons for not facilitating a situation she's not old enough to handle.

PickAChew Fri 13-Apr-18 00:33:02

I if you don't like it say no. Simples.

Keep to the same rules for any potential sex.

TinyTino Fri 13-Apr-18 00:34:33

I agree, if it's no to a boy then it should be no to a girl also.

I had a relationship when I was younger. I was 15, boyfriend was 17. Parents let him stay but in a separate room. They checked on us in the night too to check there was no funny business! Worked for us...

Sparklynails7 Fri 13-Apr-18 00:34:38

Littlechocola OK could say "sleep in different rooms" but I'm sure they'd sneak in to the same room when everyone is asleep haha. I'd only allow the gf to come round during the day, especially as your dd is still a child.

Sparklynails7 Fri 13-Apr-18 00:35:26

*OP

CountFosco Fri 13-Apr-18 00:36:34

I'd say no but say it can be discussed again when she's over the age of consent.

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