15yo party/sleepover

[HipsterAssassin]

Ok so, dd turns 15 on Tues. She spends 50% if her time at her dad and step mum’s. She’s been there a week and now says for her birthday she wants - around 15 people round in the evening and 4 girl friends to sleepover.

Firstly, I hate these ‘sleepovers’ because I won’t get any sleep! They will be loud til about 4am! No matter what I say (been there done that and hated it). My house is a small 3 bed semi and from the lounge the sound really carries.

Secondly. I’ve seen pics on her phone of dd smoking cannabis. The day before she went to her dads. Not yet had time to broach the subject (she is out at a friend’s b’day sleepover).

Hate the thought of the sleepover. But know I probably just need to suck that up. I feel really worried about the house being overwhelmed and trashed (her friends are all really massive talk and loud) and things getting out of hand, alcohol, drugs, smoking...even if I say absolutely none of it is allowed.

My dd is in the full throes of teenagerhood and is not sensible. I can’t go out.

Do I agree? What ground rules? How to handle this??!! Or do I say no! Argh!! Help....!

[AJPTaylor]

dont do it.
there will be a massive sulk. she will get over it eventually.
give her cash to go out with her friends for a pizza.
i have survived 3 teen daughters. i would introduce the weed smoking into the argument.

[HipsterAssassin]

Thank you. I’ve got a feeling that dd will rail-road it into being more than 15 people and it may get out of hand. But I might be wrong though. I find it so hard, like I don’t really know who she is now. She has pushed every single boundary found empty condom packet in dressing gown too and need to get her to the sexual health clinic although she denies it.

Last year she had no b’day sleepover due to having a party at my house with boys when the house was empty (I was away with my DP for the weekend) when she told her dad she was at a friend’s.

I find it so hard to know when to be a nice parent as when to apply the breaks and say no......

[AJPTaylor]

right. from my direct experience with dd2 was that it was never worth giving an inch cos she would take 10 miles.
typically she would scream "why dont you ever trust me?" and i could honestly answer "because everytime i do you prove yourself untrustworthy".

[mummabeargrr]

Would never allow DD friends over for party after hearing at one house party with just 10 of them they managed to pull a radiator off a wall and the top of a door frame down - from sitting on one and swinging on the other! Couple of friends for sleep over but nothing more. Would have DS have a few friends over because all they do is play on the Xbox.

[Doryismyname]

No, your house your rules. Since when did 15 year olds rule the roost
and become so entitled. Why should you have to put up with the risk of your home being thrashed? Why should you be responsible for other teens on alcohol and drugs. Parents that allow this and then moan that their house got trashed are just naive. Give her a few quid for a pizza with her mates and maybe.

[MoodyMumOfOne]

I agree with others. Put your foot down and say no, and mean it! She will come through this stage and one day you will both look back and laugh about things, don't worry.

[scrabbler3]

I agree with everyone else. I'd say no.

[Keehar256]

I'd be more inclined to say yes to sleepover for a few friends than a full on party which could be gatecrashed.
Sleepover with pizza and films etc isn't too bad. Just accept they'll keep you awake until 3am!!
But opening up your house to unspecified number of teens and uninvited guests with potential drugs/ alcohol /house trashing - that's a different ball game. Not one I'm prepared to play..
My DD 14 said to me grumpily "I don't suppose I can have a party because my parents are boring and go to bed at 10pm." I said "Exactly" . End of conversation

[cmimi83]

So you found empty condoms packets ,saw pics of her smoking drugs and allowed her out for a sleepover and on top of that you’re considering allowing her to have a birthday party as well?? just wow