dd 15 smoking weed

[HipsterAssassin]

So I’ve just had a look through dd1’s phone and seen plenty of evidence. Have taken videos of the videos so there is absolutely no denying it. Suspected it for a while as discovered cigarette papers in her room. She is the master of denial and secretive. She is out a lot with friends/sleepovers although I always check everything above board with adults. We have had a rocky relationship over the last year and thought we had built bridges.

I did this stuff when I was older. My mum got really angry and hated me for it and it just alienated us and was counter productive and didn’t change anything. I don’t want to do the same thing with dd1. She has seemed happier and worked hard this term. She’s young though but she is very strong willed/independent/socially confident. She’s also a sweet kid at heart. Teens - why do they put us through the wringer??

What is the right response!!!

[Roundabouthusband]

Hi there,

I experienced the same issue with my son and after spending months grounding him, taking things away and just generally making it harder for him to get access to these substances it just ended up with the same result. Arguments and him continuing to smoke it. I decided to change tact and educated myself on the whole topic having not really been interested in drugs when I was younger. I then sat down and discussed the pros and cons of cannabis use especially in early/mid teens. I found when we actually discussed/debated the topic he came to his own conclusion that smoking it every week could affect his development in the long run. We came to the agreement he could only smoke it once every two months and as long as it was in our garden. Sounds crazy I know but now he knows he can do it without arguments he doesn't see the point in doing it elsewhere and more often. We haven't had an issue since, something to think about. Sometimes it is all in the way you approach the topic and compromise is always the best way in my opinion.

[Bellamuerte]

I would go absolutely nuts. No more sleepovers. No more pocket money if it's being spent on drugs. And she would be grounded for a number of weeks.

[HipsterAssassin]

Thanks guys. I have tried Bella’s response last year and found it to be particularly ineffective and damaged our relationship further. It’s a tough one.

I smoked an awful lot of weed from age 18 through uni. I found school easy though. She finds academic life a struggle (dyslexia) she works hard at school but her academic self esteem is really fragile.

Our relationship has significantly improved recently. And I don’t want any more backward steps.

[Bel04]

I myself smoked weed regularly from the age of 14/15 for about a year or two. I had a lot of struggles in my day to day life and it was a reprieve. Quite like yours might be a glass of wine at the end of the day. It has no ill effect on my education I came out with all As and Bs in my GCSEs. My Mother never knew until I told her about it and after that we once smoked together but it was too strong for her and she spent about three hours motionless in the couch. My Dad found some weed that was already rolled in my handbag. He told me don't do it everyday and that was it. My parents didn't do anything to reprimand me but I stopped doing it of my own accord when I sort of grew out of it. I'd do a lot of research about weed, just because it's illegal doesn't mean it should be.

[Bel04]

If also like to say that while I would never want to tell someone how to parent looking through her phone might be going a bit too far? It's a bit of a violation in my opinion and at 15 she might be seeing someone, could end up being very embarrassing for the both of you 🙊🙊

[MrsBodger]

I agree with Roundabout - do your research and then have a grown up conversation. Lots of people believe it’s perfectly safe but there is evidence about long term psychological damage to young adults which she should know about. But I think there’s absolutely no point trying to insist - there’s too much of it about. More important to keep the channels of communication open.

[WeAreGerbil]

There does seem to be a lot of it about, and worse where we are. As far as I know DD (also 15) hasn't tried it, we have conversations about the links with mental illness and that she has a history of mental illness on both sides of the family so she might be more susceptible. She has started drinking at parties, which I'm not happy about, I try to get her to focus on whether it's a good experience for her (it often isn't) to help her draw her own conclusions. They're just going to find a way around things in any case if they really want to do it, and for my DD a feeling that she's let me / herself down is more powerful than feeling I'm angry with her, in which case she's going to push away. It's crap but ultimately trying to help them to make their own sensible decisions seems a better strategy to turn them into responsible adults!

[BrownTurkey]

And make sure she knows about synthetic cannaboids. Focus on building the bridges. It is very powerful knowing someone cares, and teens are very good at convincing themselves no one does.