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Teenager not wanting to come on holiday

(49 Posts)
BBQsAreSooooOverrated Mon 12-Mar-18 09:30:29

DH has a significant birthday this year which we've booked to go away for with our 4DC. Since we've said we'll be going away DD (15) has been adamant she won't be coming with us. She'd rather spend the week at her grandparents even though we normally have to drag her there!
DH is hurt that DD doesn't want to spend time with him on his birthday but we know we can't force her to come with us.

How old were your DC when they stopped joining you on family holidays?

Aprilmightmemynewname Mon 12-Mar-18 09:34:24

Dd 28 still comes!!
Ds 16+14 no to camping but yes to cottage.
Actually they came for a week of our 2 week hols then went home and older ds 'supervised'!! I honestly wouldn't jeapordise your own holiday by making her go!! If she has suitable alternative plans then allow it! Have a family meal for dh before you go!

ZenNudist Mon 12-Mar-18 09:37:26

I stopped at 15. .its fine

Our eldest DC was 15 when he last came with us.

He was so miserable when he came with us that last time that we all agreed it would be his last family holiday. It worked out well for all of us but we were lucky to have family nearby who could help out.

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-Mar-18 09:40:42

I went for the last time at 15 and wished I hadn't gone really.Our two still go away with us but have the choice, I don't think either are fussed this year.

I have two teens and I would rather they stayed with GPs than ruin a family holiday by being miserable. The GPs would be overjoyed. grin

She can still spend birthday time with your DH, maybe a meal out or something. He really shouldn't be hurt.

twer Mon 12-Mar-18 09:49:41

A normal holiday I would say don't force her. But for her dad's significant bday? C'mon of course she should go!

BBQsAreSooooOverrated Mon 12-Mar-18 09:50:39

Thanks for the replies. Yes, grandparents were surprised but very pleased she wanted to go to them. It's a shame for her to miss out as she's still too young for Ibiza/Majorca (or wherever youngsters go now) with friends but don't want her to have a miserable time with us.

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-Mar-18 09:51:37

Have you already booked the tickets?

Tralalee Mon 12-Mar-18 09:52:20

What a shame. My oldest are 18 and 16 and they love holidays. Why on earth doesn't she want to go? Where are you going? I'd insist, but this is mumsnet so I expect the majority of posters will say 15 is perfectly old enough to stay home alone.

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-Mar-18 09:54:01

15 is too young to stay home alone, a week at the GPs would be fine.

I am all for the teens doing whatever they like as far as holidays go. I can't expect their idea of a nice holiday to be the same as mine and DH's after all.

AlmostDoneWithThis Mon 12-Mar-18 09:57:26

Does it not partly depend on what/where the holiday is?

Tralalee Mon 12-Mar-18 09:57:43

I can't expect their idea of a nice holiday to be the same as mine and DH's after all

Don't families choose holidays to appeal to everyone?? How spoilt are these kids who want a holiday arranged completely around them?!

Mine have been camping with us (which to be fair we ALL hated), cottages in the UK, hotels, and houses in Europe. Noone ever had a shit time.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Mon 12-Mar-18 09:57:56

She's too young to stay home alone, though. I can understand not wanting to go on holiday with family, but if the alternative is staying with grandparents??

Tralalee Mon 12-Mar-18 09:58:31

Does it not partly depend on what/where the holiday is?


Tralalee Mon 12-Mar-18 09:59:55

15 year olds don't go to ibiza with friends confused

She's being silly and teenagerish and she'll regret not going

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-Mar-18 10:08:10

It's all down to personal circumstances choosing a holiday that appeals to all.

I think it's easy when thery are young teens but 15 and above I would expect them to have their holiday opinions and them not to match mine and DHs.

I went to Wales with a friend for the week at 16, then at 17 off to Tenerife.

AlmostDoneWithThis Mon 12-Mar-18 10:11:56

Choosing a holiday with teens in tow is hard, as everyone wants something different. One of our most successful trips (aside from going away with other families with similarly-aged kids, and skiing of course, which keeps everyone occupied), was a California Road Trip, which ticked everyone's boxes at some point or other. There was fab scenery, hikes, theme parks, beaches, shopping and some culture. Oh, and dolphins and whales for dd.

But eye-wateringly expensive, I'm afraid.

Tralalee Mon 12-Mar-18 10:16:58

Crikey. My kids love a French villa with a pool. They also loved a week in the lake district. They love us and we all enjoy spending time together. I don't think it would occur to them to moan about where we went. Mind you, we've not had a holiday for three years so they appreciate wherever we go.

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-Mar-18 10:20:40

I don't feel that the teen don't love us or don't want to spend time with us because we don't all want to go on the same holiday.

We haven't even thought about this year's holiday. DS1 is now an adult and I would imagine he'll be doing his own thing. DS2 might want to come depending.

Carouselfish Mon 12-Mar-18 10:28:24

Never thought this was a thing. My friends and I didn't when we were that age, we were just grateful to go anywhere. Hope my DD doesn't decide that in years to come. Does she have friends or a boy she's interested in near her grandparents?

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Mon 12-Mar-18 10:35:11

I stopped going at 14. Was painted as completely unreasonable and it caused tensions for a decade.

Went on a large family holiday after having dd and was reminded that I was SO right for declining to go.

I love my family, but we cannot share the same space for more than a day.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Mon 12-Mar-18 10:37:46

Where did you stay, Troll? Surely with other members of your family?

Tralalee Mon 12-Mar-18 10:39:09

I would find it almost impossible to enjoy my holiday knowing I'd left a 14 year old behind.

Sparklingbrook Mon 12-Mar-18 10:52:18

I wouldn't mind leaving a 14 year old behind if that's what they wanted. Not really a hardship to be spoiled by the GPs for a week.

theredjellybean Mon 12-Mar-18 11:04:26

At 15 I would not have dreamed that I had an opinion that counted... We did what we were told was organised and I recall enjoying all our holidays.
My own teens and step teens... Same at 15 they would not have been given an option. But we did discuss were we all wanted to go and usually came to a family decision.
Now have two 18 yr old and two young 20's and we wish they'd do their own thing!!! But no they all started discussing 'where is the family holiday this yr' just this weekend...
I said 'errr well dp and me thought maybe you'd go away with Friends and we'd have a holiday on our own'.... They laughed and said 'oh no mummy /Jellybean your so funny.. Of course we all want to come'.

Secretly I love holidays with them.

But at 15 I think they are still children and should not be able to just arbitrary decide they are not going on a family holiday.

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