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Allowing 14 year old to go to a friend of a friend's house

(6 Posts)
Jacky22 Fri 09-Mar-18 08:42:56

My 14 year old daughter asked me the other day if she could go and meet a friend who is a friend of a another girl who we know and who has been to our house several times and who I would trust. This "original" friend has introduced my daughter to her other friends on social media and now one of them has invited my daughter to go with her to the "gathering" of another friend of hers for his birthday. I don't know this girl (the inviter) apart from her name and that she is a friend of this "original" friend, who won't be going. My daughter would be going to meet this girl who invited her, and they would be going across London to another house where there is this birthday gathering, during the day, on Sunday, and I just feel it's a bit too much of the unknown for me. I feel if she is to go I would need to have contact with the inviter's parent, to make sure they are really going where they say, and the parent of the boy whose birthday it is, just to confirm that this is really what's happening. Even then, my gut feeling is it's not okay, so I'm just asking what people think. I have posted before in different threads about letting my daughter (then 13) out on her own, and we have started on this long and tricky road, but it's a constant worry for me, and I'm not handling it well. We have to work it out, and I have to be able to let her go to different places and at different times etc. but each time there's a new situation that comes up I have no parameters for dealing with it. And she is very good at picking up when I don't have in her view reasonable arguments against her going.

MyKingdomForBrie Fri 09-Mar-18 08:44:14

I’d have to say no to this one, not without knowing more about this girl and where she is going.

Cherryminx Fri 09-Mar-18 08:55:04

This kind of thing happens quite a lot when they are teens as even in a smallish place you no longer know all the DCs and parents of DCs.

I think its fine for you to tell your DD that you don't feel comfortable with this and see if she can get the contact details of the parents of the friend so that you can ring them up and find out what is really happening. (If anything - often teen gatherings never actually take place)

My DS used to squirm when I made him do this but in general the parents that I phoned up were more than happy to hear from another parent concerned for the welfare of their child.

The other tactic I use is insisting that I drive him to the location of the "party" and pick him up. But if you are in London it might not be that easy.

If you can't do this I would just say no and explain why you aren't happy about it. It might not go down too well at the time but will soon blow over.

Cherryminx Fri 09-Mar-18 08:56:58

NB - I once phoned some "parents" that turned out to be the answerphone of a teen boy.

Jacky22 Fri 09-Mar-18 09:04:53

Thanks Cherryminx and MyKingdomForBrie, both agreeing with my gut feeling on this. I don't drive so it would be case of me going there with her and this other girl on public transport and then once we were there I would be just hanging around in a dump part of London with nothing to do all afternoon until time came to bring her back again. Not good, for her mortifying that mum has to tag along, for me totally boring. Have already explained why I'm not happy about it and she will just have to put up with it this time.

sillybear43 Tue 13-Mar-18 09:36:24

it will be an oppurtunity to have sex and drink dont trust her

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