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Please talk me down guys

(5 Posts)
HipsterAssassin Mon 26-Feb-18 17:24:46

I have just been decorating dd’s room and found an empty condom packet.

She is not even 15years old (birthday in a few weeks) boyfriend of a few months is in the same school year, I’ve met him on a number of occasions recently. He was here for a couple of times in half term on the understanding they stay downstairs. I was out for a spell doing work, her sister was in the house. Argh!

dd and I have had a few good chats over the past couple of months about sex. She told me she wasn’t intending to have sex yet. I told her that I don’t want her to have sex yet, to me 14 is too young.. but I have told her if/when she decides to have sex it’s her body but. to come to me and we will discuss where to go for the contraceptive pill. And if all safety measures in place her dad does not need to know etc etc

And hey presto. Used condom packet. I don’t need any hysteria over possibility of prosecution, sex offenders register etc.
I just want to know that to sensibly say now to dd. Am concerned primarily the condom is not sufficient protection. And given her age and inadequate protection do I now tell her dad (who lives elsewhere). He will go ape.

How do I handle this right, please..... I feel sick!

Someone please talk me down....

OP’s posts: |
dementedpixie Mon 26-Feb-18 18:03:08

She could have just been investigating what they were like rather than actually using them. I remember buying femidoms but just to see what they were like as I wasn't in a relationship. I'd tread gently

ShawshanksRedemption Mon 26-Feb-18 21:23:17

Whilst I think it's a positive they are using condoms (some would not bother!), I think you need to just tell her what you found and see what she says. Explain again why it's important she waits or at least tell you so you can sort the pill out. Also if they did have sex upstairs, tell her about trust being broken between you.

It sounds like you are quite close, which is great, because I'm sure she will want to talk it though with you. It might be as dementedpixie says, curiosity.

S0upertrooper Mon 26-Feb-18 23:20:36

Right, take a huge breath here (and maybe a large gin). You've found an empty packet, you haven't caught her in bed with the bf. Granted she may have had sex, but if she has she is using contraception which is a massive plus. If they have had sex then her age is a serious issue and needs to be addressed. I'm guessing you might also have an issue about her having sex in your house. If I were you I'd try to talk to her alone, maybe not in the house, can you go for a walk? It's important you don't get angry as she'll probably clam up and get defensive. It's not unusual for young people to be having intercourse at this age. Can you reflect on your experience and try to remember what it felt like to have sexual feelings but told not to act on them? This is tough for you to address but you need to stay calm. Good luck (former sexual health worker with young people)

Megs4x3 Mon 26-Feb-18 23:33:07

I don't think you need to talk to her Dad until you've talked to her - gently. One thing to point out to her is that IF she and her bf have used the condom they are breaking the law but legally she is deemed to be too young to give consent and he would be likely to be in a great deal more trouble than she would. The likelihood of anything legal happening is small but thats not the point. She needs to know that part as well as call the other risks.

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