Curfews for young teens

[foreverondiet]

We live in a (safe) London suburb, and DD1 is 14 and is at a local state school.

We are discussing curfews. Just to be clear - she’d be at a friends house - either watching a film in a group or at a house party (also at someone from schools house) or I suppose at her boyfriends house).

Coming home would be by a parent rota - even if we was very local (I suppose for 5 mins walk away we’d we ok her walking home as part of a group).

We have said she has to be back at midnight at weekends. She says our curfew is unreasonable and I am weird because I want her in (and to lock up / put alarm on) before I go to bed and frankly midnight is late enough.

Is midnight a fair curfew st weekends?

[AjasLipstick]

I think that's far too lax personally. She's only 14! My almost 14 year old has to be home by 9.00pm unless it's a special event and then I want her home (collected) by 11.00pm

[Pfftkids]

Midnight 😵 my 15 year old has to be home for 10pm. That's seriously late for a young teen

[holycityzoo]

Far far too late imo.

[sweetheart]

I think midnight is too late for a 14 year old - especially if they are walking home! I might let it slide as a 1 off special occasion but certainly not on a regular basis.

[comfortandjoy]

Seems a bit late to me for 14.

[llangennith]

That really is late!

[scrabbler3]

In think it's ok occasionally if it's a party and she's being picked up. Otherwise, it's a bit too late.

[BertrandRussell]

I don't like the idea of curfews. I think that there should be a negotiation. Obviously if it's a gig or a party it'd be different to just an ordinary school night.

[pinkhorse]

That's very late!

[Kenworthington]

Midnight??! My god my 15 yo ds has to be in by ten. Unless it’s a party finishing later in which case I’ll pick him up by car. But to come home on his own after just ‘hanging out’ with his mates, 10 is quite late enough imo. And I have an elder son and a younger dd so it’s not like I’m all pfb about it

[pamplemoussed]

10pm for my 15 year old - usually collected. I consider myself a fairly relaxed parent too.

[foreverondiet]

Well, it's at a friends house, and of course not walking home so part of it is the hassle of me or another parent collecting.

Of course midnight is too late (it's halfterm so I'd say 9pm on school night but all the other parents bizarrely seem ok with it.

Don't usually mind if no work next day but half term annoying as I still have work....

[Newnaime]

I still had to be home by 9 at 16 (I'm 22 so we're not talking about the olden days)
She's 14! Id say 9, and then if there was a special occasion/event she was attending she could stay out later aslong as it's arranged she's brought home

[MincemeatTart]

She’s fourteen and you’re happy for her to be at her boyfriends until midnight? Definitely too late in my book. Even up to 18 they had a general earlier curfew unless for a special event.
Definitely wouldn’t be allowed to house parties.

[Newnaime]

I should add, the curfew wasn't lifted when I hit 17. I moved out, I'm sure she'd still expect me home earlier than midnight if I lived with my mum and I'm 22 with (almost) 2 children as midnight just seems a silly time to be strolling in

[SinglePringle]

Newnaime you think midnight is a silly time for a 22 yr old to be coming home?!

Anyway OP, I had to be in at 11pm at weekends at 14 (but often stayed at a friends and we all had similar curfews). No curfew once I’d hit 16.

[Homebird8]

DS(15) has ten o’clock if at a friend’s and brought home by another parent or us, 9.30 if he’s bowling or something, or the end of a sensibly timed film. That’s non-school nights. School nights is 9.30 getting ready for bed and in bed by 10.00.

Having said that it was only a year ago it was 8.30 because he was poorly for a long time and needed the sleep so perhaps we’re a bit tight with timing. He’ll be 16 in 6 months.

[AssetRichIncomePoor]

Eh? Struggling with this one a bit. DC5 is nearly 14. I would collect her late (11ish) if there were a really, really special occasion (though on the whole they sleep over at one another's houses). I go to bed at 10, so there would have to be a good reason to rouse myself later than that. If she had a boyfriend, there is no way on Earth that I would be letting her stay that late with him. And bear in mind she is DC5, so not a PFB. Would be thinking very carefully about the house parties, too. They are a no at that age in my book.

[foreverondiet]

Sigh. I know it's too late. Thanks for confirming and helping me to stay strong when she tells me everyone else's parents say it's ok later.

At the boyfriends seems to be them and two others watching a film in the sitting room although how much watching is going on I don't know and she said his parents stayed discretely out of way I guess having a boyfriend seems to here like a grown up exciting thing.

[AssetRichIncomePoor]

Good luck, forever. Bloody teenagers. I thought toddlers were hard when I had lots of them. They weren't a patch on teenagers...

[Newnaime]

single no, I meant for anyone to be coming in every night (or the majority of nights as 14 year olds do).. in the sense of disturbing the house. I assume OP stays up to make sure DD is home and the rest of the house would be asleep so not the best time for anyone of any age to be coming through the door

[SavageBeauty73]

Midnight?! Wow. I'm really easy going but that's too late for 14.

[foreverondiet]

This is basically on Saturday night and holidays. It's come up now combo of half term and new (first) boyfriend.

[Pleasebeafleabite]

Mine is similar age and circs OP

9.30 school nights and normal going out

11 for a party with no school afterwards

He goes to bed at 11 when no school the next day anyway

[JDilla]

Not sure why you would have a strict curfew, what dangers would they encounter at midnight that they wouldn't at 10pm? If you just tell your teen to not be ridiculously late I think you'll find you'll have a much more trustworthy relationship and they will come home at a reasonable time.