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Help 11 year old daughter driving me crazy

(23 Posts)
Lizmiddle Wed 07-Feb-18 19:25:35

My 11 year old daughter is slowly driving me insane. She’s very good at school polite bright and intelligent but at home is very disrespectful and lazy I’m sure I’m not alone but. I struggle with punishment and feel guilty when I do it. Is this something which other parents struggle with ?

chocolateworshipper Wed 07-Feb-18 21:25:36

Is she Y6 or Y7? If Y7, oh yes - completely normal. They change so much when they go to secondary. If Y6 - is she worried about SATs? If so - tell her that no one in real life will EVER ask her how she did in SATs.

Iluvthe80s Thu 08-Feb-18 08:31:39

Ours is 11 year 6 VERY hormonal and up and down with moods. I'm regularly called an old witch. But then she usually apologises

Pandoraslastchance Thu 08-Feb-18 08:42:22

SNAP! My dd is 13 and is still like this and im so tired and frustrated by it all as school say that she is polite and a pleasure to have in class and looks after younger pupils. Yet this wonderful lovely girl seems to vanish on the walk home and is replaced by someone surley, rude and is unable to follow a simple instruction ie put your laundry in the basket and screaming ab-dabs at her younger sisters for daring to say hello to her.

They leave home at 18 dont they? Light at the end of the tunnel and all that!

Yettilegs11 Thu 08-Feb-18 08:44:18

I got one of those too. Very stroppy. I struggle with discipline too I don’t want to be too week or too full on.

Karid1496 Thu 08-Feb-18 16:55:25

Snap, my 11 year old (soon to be 12) can be such an emotional roller coaster. Some times we get along great then other times you cant even look at her without a drama being made. I actually think toddler age is a breeze compared to teenage hormones, haha. Surely it must get better. 😐😐

Lizmiddle Thu 08-Feb-18 17:27:48

Thanks guys makes me feel so much better to know I'm not alone in this crazy roller coaster x

Leaspr Thu 08-Feb-18 17:29:05

Moody and lazy. Yep! Sounds like my 12 yr old girl!

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Thu 08-Feb-18 17:52:01

Mine is like this too but is in Y6. Thanks so much @chocolateworshipper. I’m really looking forward to September now grin

@Lizmiddle I recently bought my DD The Feelings Nook which seems to have helped a little. My DSIL swears by Untangled. HTH thanks

LEMtheoriginal Thu 08-Feb-18 17:54:11

I have one of these - 12 yo fluctuating between sweetest child ever and demon spawn mardy arse. God help us

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Thu 08-Feb-18 17:56:24

LEM you don’t hear Marcy arse enough on MN do you? grin

LEMtheoriginal Thu 08-Feb-18 18:01:23

LMAO no you definitely don't hear enough Marcie arse grin

Lizmiddle Thu 08-Feb-18 18:01:36

Lol grin definitely not enough have taken gadgets away what a difference it’s made talkative and helpful if only she would stay that way

Leaspr Thu 08-Feb-18 18:13:19

I definitely noticed a change when year 6 started. My dd is in year 7 now but last year was drama all the time! The girls were all falling out, totes emosh and I could never keep track of who my daughter was friends with from one day to the next! Not much has changed this year either. The transition to Secondary school probably doesn’t come at the best time as far as their hormones!
Don’t get me wrong, she’s a pleasure some of the time and has a great sense of humour but she’s definitely moody, tired and lazy a lot!

Lizmiddle Fri 09-Feb-18 18:08:26

Omg it's amazing once her gadgets were taken off her my mini monster returned to the lovely person she is and can be lets hope it's here to stay, although from what I've heard it s going to a rough ride for the next few years

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Fri 09-Feb-18 18:16:37

*Mardy 😀

Liz my DD usually transforms once the gadgets disappear too smile

Lizmiddle Fri 09-Feb-18 18:44:32

Lol it's amazing x can't believe the difference

flyingcrow Sat 10-Feb-18 23:00:08

Get this book: "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" by Faber and Mazlish. Completely changed how I approached communicating with my son, discipline and developing trust and responsibility. Every parent should read it IMHO!

Brighteyes27 Mon 12-Feb-18 08:06:40

Yes mine is like this too and has been up and down since that age she was 13 last week. She’s had a few friendship issues but seems a model pupil at school.
Re discipline I am sick of the sound of my own voice. As an older mum I am tired and don’t still want to be picking her dirty knickers etc up off the bathroom/floor or nagging at her for ever more (clean your teeth, wash your hair/have a shower, wear your retainer (has had a brace), hang your coat up, put your school bag away, put the milk back in the fridge etc etc etc.
I think try to pick your battles carefully which isn’t always easy (I am generally more lenient close to bedtime - as I know they will be going to bed soon). The only thing that works with my two is confiscating their iPads phones remote control etc. I take everything and say you can have it back when your bedroom floor is tidy etc. I only do this if it’s really bad about once a fortnight.
When I take a stand she grumbles and complains but if I stand firm she respects me, mine is definitely pushing boundaries and seeing just how far she can go. After she has had a shout and a cry she is usually a much nicer person and respects me more.

Lizmiddle Mon 12-Feb-18 10:31:21

Thank you guys so much, I try and talk to her most of the time to explain the reasons why she has things taken away in the hope she understands. Sometimes it's soul destroying I hate telling her off as I know she is a wonderful person at school. She's very confident which I try to encourage but she hasn't quite figured out that if I ask her to tidy her room or put things away she needs to do it.

Thank you all again x

Brighteyes27 Mon 12-Feb-18 16:01:06

I think they just try it on and the ever present distraction of phones iPads and round the clock tv programmes doesn’t help.

JDilla Thu 15-Feb-18 00:39:43

Just give the space, it will make them trust you a lot more and improve your relationship with them.

Lizmiddle Thu 05-Apr-18 19:02:13

Thanks for all the help guys x

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