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Am I supposed to 'leave him alone'?

(9 Posts)
hollyberrytree Tue 06-Feb-18 21:57:07

Something is bothering DS 17. He won’t talk about it.
He’s in 6th form, pretty bright and we have always been close. It’s not puberty related as he’s long past that. He’s barely speaking and every time I try to talk I get ‘leave me alone’ or ‘can you go please’
I have emailed his form teacher at school but no feed back from there. Don’t think it’s school work. Possibly social media or friends?
He’s not really joining in with family life like he used to but nothing else has changed. No new friends or activities. I don’t think it’s depression. It’s so out of character.
He’s been like this for a few weeks, occasionally bouncing up a bit but then going all quiet and antisocial.
As his mum I want to fix whatever is wrong and if I can’t then I have lots of life experience that I can use to at least offer a few ‘this too shall pass’ ideas.

Shall I just leave it? I am a bit of a terrier and don’t like to let go.

mamato3lads Tue 06-Feb-18 22:07:49

Must be so worrying for you. I wouldn't be able to leave it alone either. You know your son, you know when something's up. Have you tried just biting the bullet and saying "I know there is something wrong here....something is clearly getting you down....please tell me, it's really worrying me". Seems obvious but I try this tack with my boys sometimes, .. not beating round the bush, just asking outright
If you still get refusal to share, all you can do is snoop for clues and keep an eye on him
Good luck. Xxx

Bobbiepin Tue 06-Feb-18 22:11:50

I'm worried there's something bothering you and although you may not think I can help, I want you to know I love you and I'm always here to listen. If you don't want to talk to me, let me help you find someone you can talk to.

acornsandnuts Tue 06-Feb-18 22:13:12

Does he have friends that come around. Maybe hijack in a casual way see if they have any insight.

Or it could be girl trouble. In which case just say your there if he wants to talk.

hollyberrytree Tue 06-Feb-18 22:13:49

Hi, tried all that. I’m known for my persistence and bluntness.
I even tried to see if he would chat by Facebook messages but nothing.
What ever it is he’s not giving anything away.

hollyberrytree Tue 06-Feb-18 22:37:48

I’m not even getting yes or no answers tonight.
It’s like he’s fallen out with me and I haven’t done anything.

acornsandnuts Tue 06-Feb-18 22:38:51

Then I would just keep an eye and wait. And Car journeys are great for starting conversations, no eye contact. I hope he feels more himself soon. It must be very worrying.

orangesticker Wed 07-Feb-18 08:38:50

The car journey thing really back fired on us - I used it twice and i was rumbled, they hated it.
Sounds like he's worried about something - I think all you can do is to say you've noticed the change in him recently and reassure that whatever is worrying him, you will still love him and be there whenever he wants to talk about it.

flyingcrow Sat 10-Feb-18 23:37:55

I'd reccommend you get this book: "How to talk so teens will listen and listen so teens will talk". It changed how I approached communicating with my son and made a huge difference.

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