DSS 17 obsessed with criminality!

[zebrano]

I have a DSS 17 who is with us half the week. ALL he talks about is drinking, smoking/smuggling/selling cigarettes, his mates stealing motorbikes and mopeds, his mates shoplifting, his mates who are money mules/doing credit card fraud, his mates stepdad doing cocaine at the kitchen table, all of the kids their age carrying and buying knives/knuckledusters.

We give him money for his Oyster card and he spends it on cigarettes and uses his little sisters child zip card (his mum's suggestion). His mum's boyfriend is going to pay for a bloke to go over to his mums house and do DSS's first tattoo.... on his hand!

We always point out why all these things are a bad idea, we aren't hysterical about it but DH certainly tells him if he disapproves. The stealing especially gets DH's back up.

We are very normal hardworking non-criminal people who quite boringly pay our own way, we have two younger kids and I worry that they will normalise all this crazy talk. DSS mum isn't particularly criminal either, so he's not getting it from her.

We have given him money for 12 months Xbox live for his birthday. He signed up on a one month for £1 deal and now the next months payment is about to be taken he has withdrawn his money out of his account to let it go into unauthorised overdraft, even though NatWest will charge £8 a day. He doesn't care what you say.

It is quite exhausting, has anyone else experienced this, please tell me he will grow out of it!

[zebrano]

Also, I should add that he is actually a nice boy, has always had hopes and dreams of becoming a plumber and is generally good company. I don't know if all of this stuff is complete bullshit, or he believes the bullshit that his mates come out with?

It kind of feels like he is somehow trying to 'impress' DH (and me) but is kind of oblivious to the fact that we aren't the kind of people to be impressed by fraud, thieving etc

[Subtleconstraints]

It sounds as if he needs different mates and different influences in his life. Could you introduce him to a new hobby; cadets/sailing club/rally driving/rock climbing...something which combines excitement but requires a bit of skill/taking responsibility?

[Timetogetup0630]

He sounds insecure and immature to me, and trying to act tough and impress you....ignore it. Change the subject. Is there anything he would ,Ike to do with your DH ? Sport, hobby ?

[hevonbu]

Difficult, especially with a step dad like that - if it's true.

[ForFuckSakeSusan]

I'd say it's all bullshit; lots of teenagers do get up to stuff like that but why on earth would they brag to their parents about it!? Aside from the police, they're the last people you'd want to find out! Agree with PP that he sounds v immature and insecure and wondering if he actually has any friends or if the people he hangs around with are using him?

[zebrano]

Thanks all, yep it's like he is bragging to us in the same way kids brag to each other. Maybe his mates are up to no good, but why tell your parents.

I know enough details about the friends doing the credit card fraud etc to report them. But part of me thinks this is all made up.

[pinkyredrose]

Stop the tattoo! Anyone willing to go round someones house and tattoo a 17yr old needs locking up. The risk of infection is huge and it's illegal.

[19lottie82]

Not really the issue but you know banks can’t charge under 18s for overdrafts, right?

I don’t know what to advise here. I think all you can do is try to keep him on the right path when he’s with you and keep your fingers crossed he grows out of this. Do you know anyone who has maybe been down that road and come out the other side, to speak to him?

[19lottie82]

Can you try to get him a work placement with a plumbing company? Maybe seeing the guys who work hard and are now qualified and on a decent wage might encourage him?