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Not enjoying being his Mum at the moment

(7 Posts)
ILoveMrDarcy Wed 24-Jan-18 16:11:11

It's hard. He's 16, lazy, inconsiderate and selfish. He's rude and bolshy all the time. I'm a single Mum and get no support from his father. He's a typical 'Disney Dad', calls him mate, buddy etc. He's not disciplined there at all. I feel like he's moving further and further away from me.

We have GCSEs this summer, he did no work for his mocks and has been advised to drop 2 subjects.

My daughter was so much easier but it feels like he's being led and steered by his Dad who has low expectations.

I don't know what to do. Even asking him to make his bed causes stropping off

insomniac123 Mon 05-Feb-18 15:23:34

Just seen your message, I can't be any help, however would like to offer an ear as 'Same here'. DS15 is just about to flunk everyone of his GCSE's and has no concept of how much this is going to affect his future , and distance him from all of his friends next year. I am at my wits end with multiple school meetings, sitting him down and forcing him to do the barest bit of homework with takes hours. Not sure which way to turn to be honest.

Undies1990 Mon 05-Feb-18 17:46:29

My DS is now 18 but two years ago was similar to yours. I always keep in mind the "pick your battles" phrase - if he doesn't make his bed, just drop it - no point in arguing over it.

Try and catch him in a good mood, if that's possible, and talk about yourself: you're struggling with the chores and would really appreciate some help etc etc. Work out a rota - one chore a day at first, then build up, write up the rota on a piece of paper stuck to the fridge. Be really appreciative and positive of any help given. Ignore the bad things and concentrate on the positives (hopefully there are little positives every now and then!). Positivity at all times, don't react to anything negative. Slowly, slowly he will come round. It took me 18 months, but positive parenting proved successful.

Good luck with the GCSE's - pretend you'd like to know more about one of his subjects he's behind in and revise together. Ask him to teach you?

instantwhipped Mon 05-Feb-18 17:52:00

I sympathise - just coming out the other side with my youngest. He still hasn't passed his Maths or English GCSE's after doing a year at college where he had to retake both.

He has however discovered a talent for a particular manual skill that is very in demand. He's already getting paid £9 an hour - he's just been offered a £20,000 per year job and he's not 18 til June. This isn't meant as a brag, but to give you hope that his skills / interests may lie elsewhere.

chocolateworshipper Mon 05-Feb-18 21:07:56

instant I know this is slightly off topic, but did you know that he could do Functional Skills Maths and English through college - these are Level 2 courses (so equivalent to GCSEs) but focus on the more practical parts of Maths and English. They are completely free as funded by the government.

instantwhipped Mon 05-Feb-18 21:55:00

chocolate yes that is what he did at college alongside his vocational course, and got D's again. It really got him down, but I think he might go for it again in a year or two.

flyingcrow Sat 10-Feb-18 23:54:20

This will definitely help: get one or more of the following books by Faber and Mazlish: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk or How to Talk so Teens Will Listen and Listen so Teens Will Talk (they cover the same techniques, but the second one focuses particularly on teen issues). They changed the way I thought about communicating with my son. Their techniques are simple (though not necessarily easy!). If you persist, you will be able to set clear boundaries with your son and get co-operation, but without being shouty and horrible. (I also used the same techniques to set boundaries with my son's father after we separated!)

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