My DD is the loveliest girl - so kind and good-natured. But she struggles with friendships all the time. She was fine at nursery and the first 3 or 4 years of primary but then her friends started to drift away when they found new friends. It was upsetting for her but she moved on and found someone new eventually. By year 6 the other girls were moving onto being interested in clothes and makeup but she had no interest in that and it seemed like they drifted apart except for one girl who was pretty immature for her age but very sweet and nice to DD.
Since we had moved a couple of miles away DD started at a secondary school that only a couple of people from her class were going to and she wasn't close to any of them nor was she in the same class or house as any of them. When she went along for induction day I felt a bit concerned as her new class queued up as they all seemed to know each other (or were in groups of people who knew each other) and she was just standing there on her own. At the end of the day she did come out happy and had met some nice girls.
Then she started in Sept 2016 and the first term so two were a struggle for her. The girls she had met at induction drifted off pretty quickly (she said they looked at her like she was weird) then she met another girl but after a month she screamed at DD to leave her alone and became best friends with someone else and that was that. DD joined some clubs and met some other girls who seemed nice although were not into the same things as her (they love roleplaying and anime and she has no interest). She is still friends with these girls now but it is quite up and down - she seems to be very much on the outskirts like they don't notice her sometimes. She tried looking into the things they like but it just wasn't her. Then one of the girls got into a boy band and DD decided she liked them too (she's a bit bloody obsessed tbh) but the girl won't engage when DD tries to talk to her about them (just laughs and says "Oh dear I've ruined you!"). So she is in this group but not really seen like the others are (she tries to ask if anyone wants to go out and do something and gets no replies but she is desperate to see friends and enjoy herself outside of school). I'm starting to organise sleepovers with old friends just so she can socialise a bit!
In her form at school she says noone likes her. There was a problem with a group of the "popular" kids giving her stick last year but that was stamped on my the head of house - now they just ignore her as do much of the rest of the form. One girl seems to have taken a dislike to her and just nags at her "Why are you looking at me?", "Don't touch my hair" (when she isn't near her) etc etc. Just trying to intimidate her (which works easily as DD is pretty timid). She found all the kids loud and overwhelming when she first started and hated form room - now she avoids it entirely because of a club she is involved in where they help set up for assembly (she doesn't have to do it everyday but chooses to so she can get away). I suppose this doesn't help integrate her with her form but she hated them all anyway and it helped her massive anxiety just to get away. We had a chat last night and she said that she doesn't know why they don't like her. She feels she made a bad impression somehow at the start and now can't change that (although says she doesn't want to as she hates them all). Half of her lessons are affected by them giving her stick or avoiding working with her (partly I suppose because she is quiet and awkward with them). One of the girls came up to her last week (with a group of laughing friends in the background) and said "Are you lonely?", DD said "Sometimes" and the girl just walked off. DD says she is the weirdo of the class. Yet she doesn't want to leave the school, she likes the friends she has (even though they aren't the greatest of friends) and is worried about it being the same elsewhere. When we talk about moving forms she says her form is apparently the nicest in her year (all the girls get along except for her) and she is very worried about repercussions. Also she doesn't want to lose the nice teachers she has and risk getting ones she doesn't like. It's like she is becoming invisible. She loves classes where she can sit by herself.
I don't know what to do. And what is nagging at the back of my head is the fact that her younger brother is autistic (high functioning) and the therapist she saw at CAMHS 18 months ago said she had "autistic thought processes" even if she wasn't autistic.
DS starts at the school in Sept and I am worried. Will I have two children with no real friends, struggling to make their way through secondary school? I just keep wondering what I have done wrong and if there is anything I can do to fix this?
Sorry this is more of a rant than a question. Any thoughts and ideas would be appreciated though :)
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Teenagers
DD13 still struggling socially - don't know how to help her :(
Titsywoo · 23/01/2018 22:55
Pp have give some good advice and I would try to put some of those into practise. Things can and often do get better as teens mature so if she is determined not to move schools then don’t feel hopeless. Schools are often geared up to be comfort zones for extroverts, sporty and confident outspoken children whilst introverts and those who feel different often find them daunting. Expand her horizons, encourage her passions and interests; you can’t turn her into a popular kid but you can help her to see that there is a whole world outside of school. I would also encourage her to think about leaving after her GCSEs as sometimes you fall into becoming a character imposed on you by others so leaving allows you to reinvent yourself a bit. I wish her the best. I know how you feel OP, you are not alone.
She likes art and draws a lot. She dances (but not in classes - to music videos/Just Dance). She watches a lot of videos about the boy band she likes. She is a member of the drama tech club (lighting and sound etc) at school. And she likes shopping 
. That's about it. Not everyone has hobbies as such though do they? She's never enjoyed sport as she's not very good at it and then people take the piss which is discouraging. She stopped going to Guides as she said people were on their phone most of the time 
.
Thanks Trying. Yes we definitely need to work on expanding her horizons! We just have to nudge her into it as she gets nervous trying new things by herself.
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Poor thing, she sounds so sweet and gentle. I think it's a hard age for girls anyway, and add possible autism into the mix and it sounds like it's hard for her to navigate the waters of friendship.
I would take her to the GP again but also think about drama etc outside school. Does she socialise with anyone outside school?
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