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Getting DH to chill out(7 Posts)
DD is only 13 but already I can feel that her teenage years are going to be a war zone. DH has always been quite strict and now DD is entering the delights of hormones and general teenage angst he is increasingly not able to choose his battles.
He seems to pick at her constantly and she has started retaliating. She gets upset, he raises his voice and then says he is not shouting, she stomps off tearful 🙄
I feel like a mediator between the two. After the event, he seems to take it onboard that her behaviour is perfectly natural for a young girl her age with raging hormones, but at the time he doesn't seem to be able to just let it go. I don't let her get away with disrespectful behaviour but half the time I don't think she is doing anything particularly wrong 😳
Does anyone have any advice - I wondered about maybe a book explaining teenager behaviour 🤔
If you think he will read a book, then I found Get Out of my Life But Can you First Take Me and Alex into Town very good and How to Tlk so Teens will Listen is also often recommended.
Agree with Backforgood. Teenage hormones are one thing but I for one was making things worse with my teens by treating them like children - reading those books really helped dh and I speak to our teens differently and our relationship improved enormously. Fix it now before it becomes to hard to fix.
That's a good book.
Will your DH listen to you when things are calm? It's a whole new phase of parenting and new techniques have to be learned. You have to remember they are still children but also emerging into adulthood.
There are similarities wth toddlers. Wanting independence, perhaps more than you are ready to give, becoming emotional when things don't go their way. Tears and tantrums.You wouldn't get angry at a toddler for doing what toddlers do ( at least you would try not to show it) and the same applies.
One thing that's difficult is allowing new freedoms for the first time such as a late night at the cinema, a bus trip with a friend.
One technique I learned was to say to each request that I would think it over when I had all the details and to genuinely try and say yes subject to safety rules. It's easy to say no instantly to some outrageous plan but then you are backed into a corner. I found they accepted my decisions a little better.
Thank you for your replies - DH does listen and take on board a time later when he is calm. If I try to make him see sense just after the flashpoint it turns into a row on me 🙄
He is one of these that says "I wasn't shouting" but he had a raised voice, angry face etc. 🙄
I wonder if it would be antagonistic to secretly film the situation 🤔 (I am joking here!)
My DH is very much like this too. Do you think he would read the book? I know mine wouldn’t as I’ve asked him to read a few over the years and he’s never bothered.
OP I would record him and play it back - your dh is behaving like a toddler too, his inability to face his poor behaviour will not end well for him or your dd.
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