16yo staying overnight at boyfriends house?

(17 Posts)
VivaLeBeaver Sun 31-Dec-17 15:06:23

She’s nearly 17. Is going tonight for a NYE thing and says it will be better to stay over rather than come back at 1am. He’s a 30 min car ride away.

She’s sensible, he seems very nice. She insists they’re having a Christian relationship and aren’t having sex before marriage. I’ve told her if they decide otherwise that’s ok and that I will take her to the family planning clinic if she wants or she can go and get a C card. She shrieks hysterically at such a suggestion and says there’s no need. I have actually bought her condoms but she’s not touched them.

His parents will be there tonight and she says she’s sleeping in the lounge. My gut feeling is that she’s legally old enough to have sex anyway plus sex doesn’t just occur during the night. I know he comes over here in the holidays when we’re at work.

OP’s posts: |
NC4now Sun 31-Dec-17 15:08:17

I can’t really see a problem. As long as you are happy that you know where she is and she’s safe it seems ok to me.
Will there be alcohol?

VivaLeBeaver Sun 31-Dec-17 15:13:30

She has the odd beer here. I’ve told her not to get drunk at his parents house. He’s a good influence over her in that respect as at a party recently he told her to stop drinking, cleaned up her vomit when she puked in the bathroom and made her drink water. Sounds like he’d been trying to get her to stop drinking for a while before she did.

OP’s posts: |
GardenGeek Sun 31-Dec-17 15:19:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GardenGeek Sun 31-Dec-17 15:20:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy Sun 31-Dec-17 15:23:25

As long as you know where she is I don't see the issue and you dont have the extra worry of her getting home

AtiaoftheJulii Sun 31-Dec-17 15:23:29

What are you concerned about? You've said you've already told her it's ok to be having sex if she's sensible about it - are you worried she'll get carried away and not use contraception?


Shockers Sun 31-Dec-17 15:29:12

I’m wondering whether you are DS’s girlfriend’s mum OP...

Teenageromance Sun 31-Dec-17 15:30:06

It will be the start though - because once you say yes it will then be staying at each other’s houses on a regular basis and you need to think how comfortable you feel about him staying at your house on a regular basis and that if you don’t feel comfortable she will spend most of her time at his. Have that conversation now. It’s never the one off decision with teenagers it’s how it pans out after that I think they don’t have the maturity to see.
I’ve stuck to no sleepovers at the minute as I don’t think they really need to and I have younger children in the house so need to be aware of that.

Snowman41 Sun 31-Dec-17 15:36:07

So many people confuse sleepovers with sex.

With his parents in the house and her sleeping In the lounge it's very unlikely there will be any sex. They are more likely to have sex before they go back to his parents.

At almost 17 though I don't see why is wrong with them having sex.

user1493413286 Sun 31-Dec-17 15:38:28

I’d be surprised if they weren’t sleeping together but it’s more likely happening when you’re at work than going to happen tonight when his parents will be in.
At the end of the day though she is 16, she’s in a relationship with him and you’ve talked to her about contraception so what reason could you have for her not staying?
I’d make sure she knows (repeat it several times) though that if anything goes wrong she can call you no matter what time it is and she won’t be in any trouble and you’ll get her home. The most unsafe thing for teenagers is them feeling they can’t call for help and have to deal with things themselves

VivaLeBeaver Sun 31-Dec-17 15:39:58

shockers. Maybe? grin

I guess I’m worried that at the minute I know she’s not on the pill and is refusing to take any condoms with her as she doesn’t need them. Obviously I’d rather they wait a bit before having sex, but I was 16yo once! But I think you’re right, they’re unlikely to have sex when parents are home.....either here or at his house.

OP’s posts: |
Isadora2007 Sun 31-Dec-17 15:43:43

unlikely to have sex when parents are there? Really?!?
She has said she isn’t having sex so you just need to trust her and if they do have sex that they do it safely. So of course you’re not unreasonable to let her stay over there.

lljkk Sun 31-Dec-17 17:01:14

Give her a hug, tell her that you love her and are pleased that she's not rushing into things.

Also say that if things ever don't go to plan, that you want to be there to help her.

- That's my sane self. The other part of me is sticking fingers in ears & chanting "LALALALALALALA" b/c my 16yo DD has her own boy to be gooey about, sigh.

Skinandbones Sun 31-Dec-17 17:06:23

My dd2 was the same at 16, he would come over to us when dd1 was away, he would bring a sleeping bag and sleep on dd1's bed. Advice was offered, but they were both sensible.
She is 26 now and they have their own house, who says you can't have an happily ever after.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 31-Dec-17 17:13:54

Ahhh, that’s nice to hear about 16yo sweethearts who are still together.

OP’s posts: |
lljkk Sun 31-Dec-17 17:58:59

DD has dumped her boy, hoorah! Can deny reality of growing up DD for a while longer, then.

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