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Do your teens sometimes make you cry?

(62 Posts)
pasanda Sun 10-Dec-17 21:01:51

Feeling really pre-menstual and knackered so don't normally do this but.....fuck me, teenagers can make you feel shit sometimes can't they!

Xmas tree shopping/ decorating has always been a fun tradition in this house. A BIG thing to whoever puts the star on the top. Yesterday dd (13, nearly 14) put one fecking bauble on the tree then fucked off back to her room with a face like a wet weekend having ruined the atmosphere.

Mealtimes, they can't wait to fuck off back to their rooms/PS4, no conversation at all, just a miserable face.

DS (16) is a bloody saint according to his gf's parents confusedshockconfused

I KNOW it's all normal blah blah blah. But I just always envisage other teens being well, just nicer in day to day life.

Making the most of 9 year old dt 's before they 'turn' into miserable fuckers too!

(Ps, they're not always like this, it's just tonight I'm feeling it! Anyone else sympathise with me?

ssd Sun 10-Dec-17 21:05:07

yep!!

lljkk Sun 10-Dec-17 21:55:16

not cry, but I sometimes vow to see very little of them after they move out. So far I have managed to calm down after a few days weeks hours long deep breaths.

Pennypickle Mon 11-Dec-17 01:48:52

Yes! I took to my bedroom, in tears, today. I can't stand to be in the same room as my argumentative, sullen, lazy, sneering 16 year old these days. Everything I ask her to do is met with "Stop keeping on. Ill do it now". It never gets done. Even trying to have a simple conversation is hard work! She has her GCSE's coming up - She has done NO revising whatsoever - and failed all her GCSE mocks.

I am sick to death of her coming in, dropping her coat and bag where she stands and leaving shoes in the middle of the floor for someone else to pick up. Her bedroom is disgusting. She can't even bring her dishes, bottles, crisp bags etc downstairs. Every little thing causes a major row.

She is constantly glued to her phone - except when I call. She cba to answer calls from me or even reply to texts.

Yet she thinks everyone should be at her beck and call. I have refused to run her here, there and everywhere this week. So daddy does it instead "Cos its easier and avoids arguments". I'm done with them! If i could afford it I would take myself off to a hotel for Christmas and leave them all to it. But I can't sad

Give me toddlers any day.

pasanda Mon 11-Dec-17 07:56:59

Aw Penny. That sounds shit sad. I have a feeling my 13 yo is only going to get worse tbh!
They don't often bring me to tears, just last night I felt like the family life I envisaged and wanted just isn't wanted by them. Ds's food sat getting cold whilst he 'finished his game' and by the time he came to eat, dd wanted to bugger off back to her room to sit on her phone!
I do know it's normal and there are probably thousands of families this sort of thing happens to but I'm sure there are lots where it doesn't and I wish mine was one of those instead.

Oh and the eye rolling. Fuck me, I'm surprised dd hasn't lost her eyeballs into the top of her head gringrin

IfyouseeRitaMoreno Mon 11-Dec-17 08:00:05

I’m with you OP, it’s like someone has replaced your loving and fun child and replaced them with a grumpy monster!

BigSandyBalls2015 Mon 11-Dec-17 10:11:44

I feel your pain OP. I went Christmas tree shopping yesterday with ny twin 16 year old DDs which is usually something they like doing. they were both miserable, wish I hadn't bothered. They half heartedly put a few decs up then disappeared to their friends next door.

Came back to declare our tree was a bit shit and next doors was really cool .... sigh ..... wine

Pennypickle Mon 11-Dec-17 10:56:30

Oh and the eye rolling. Fuck me, I'm surprised dd hasn't lost her eyeballs into the top of her head

Oh yes... The eye rolling...

She used to be such a sweet, helpful, kind girl.

What the Fuck happened?? 😳

Ryebreadandwine Mon 11-Dec-17 13:22:15

Penny, I could have written your post. Sadly there is no daddy (he likes to pretend his son doesn’t exist) so I have to suffer it on my own. I worry about mine. He’s so desperate to be with friends he will do anything to make it happen. He doesn’t even bother eating.

poppym12 Mon 11-Dec-17 17:29:05

Yes.

Wozzle01 Mon 11-Dec-17 23:05:14

I can relate to all the comments on here, I have spent the past three years on and off crying over my now 17 yr old DS. Up to 14 he was an angel and I really mean that, every thing from the day he came into this world was perfect, then it was as if a switch flicked in his brain at 14 he went from a predicated A/B student to a scraping 3 GCSE's along with turning into what I can only describe as someone I did not know or if I had a choice would want to know, what followed was a combination of police visits (due to him going out not coming home for anything between 4 - 10 days, social services involvement (who were absolutely useless) and his school regularly advising he was either bunking lessons or being caught off school premises smoking or being a complete pain the butt during lessons, we tried all sorts of incentives to get him back on track, spent £1000 on a private revision course but I should have poured the money down the toilet it was a complete waste of time, he was on a one teen mission to completely screw up ,I won't bore you with the in's and outs of the whole saga as it was draining and mentally put me in a very dark place. I as a last resort chose the disengaged route and I am back in control of my life, I have no interaction or contact with him (blocked on my phone) he sleeps here in between going to college and staying at his GF. but for those of you going through possibly physical abuse, stealing from you, smoking cigarettes and possibly drugs disengagement was the key for my own sanity. I do often wish he would leave here for good and one day he will which I can honestly say will be the happiest day of my life. We are just a normal family, my Husband (semi-retired) and I (a professional working for full time) are a strong unit but this came so close to breaking us, fortunately it did not. We also have a 14 yr DS who has been parented in exactly the same way but is oh so different to his Brother (perhaps learning from the mistakes his Brother made and not wanting to go down that route). The whole experience has made me look at him in a completely different way to how I did prior to age 14, I do not wish him harm and hope one day he tries to turn his life around. Do I still love him, yes but not in the way that I used to he has hurt me way to much, will that love come back at the moment I am not feeling that it will. I am very guarded now. Lots of people I have spoken to have also said it's "normal", some teenage boys find this stage in their lives harder than others well I do not know or have not come across any others (and having two boys we know of quite a few) who have behaved the way our Son has, his life has been for want of a better word charmed, perhaps that was half the problem who knows. Perhaps we were just not very successful as parents, I have given up thinking "where did we go wrong" life is to short.
From my own experience I can only say disengagement has worked for me, having no contact with him, cutting him off financially, the only item I pay for is his monthly train ticket and a mobile phone bill due to end in July when he has been told he can either take on the contract and pay the bill or have it cut off and sort yourself as I will no longer be paying for it, no birthday or Christmas gifts nothing. We do not include in him holiday plans (he goes elsewhere) and for the first time this year he will not be at home for Christmas or New Year as I asked him to find somewhere else to go If you are in the thick of it hang in there, if you have a partner stay strong together, if not your friends with be your guiding light in those sad horrid times and help your through. For those of you who may read this and think how harsh please do not judge me you do not know the full story. Good Luck

BigSandyBalls2015 Tue 12-Dec-17 06:51:13

Wozzle that's sounds so stressful and it's obv on a completely diff level to the teen eye rolling and whinging about the tree.

Having watched a dear friend going through a very similar situation with her teen boy I can completely understand why you have disengaged to protect yourself. I wish she could before he finally breaks her as she's a shadow of her former self. I worry that she'll either have a breakdown or the son will hurt her very badly as he's physical now.

Best of luck to you flowers

TabbyTigger Tue 12-Dec-17 12:22:36

I’m yet to cry but my DD (13) is refusing to speak to me currently because the Christmas tree isn’t going up until this weekend and all her friends already have them up. And last year she didn’t speak to me for a few days and cried about 3 times because I bought the “wrong” Christmas tree... she takes Christmas far TOO seriously! “All I Want For Christmas is You” has also blared through the house at 5.30am every morning since the 1st November and sometimes that makes me want to cry. I never thought I’d miss the previous Rihanna alarm.

Also, if it’s any consolation my mum has a theory that if they don’t have their grumpy/sullen/stroppy etc years as a teen it comes later. One of my sisters was a golden teen but a horrific 20-25 year old. So at least you’ve not got that to come!

LemonysSnicket Tue 12-Dec-17 13:19:34

I used to make my mum cry all the time ( apparently we ganged up on her , didnt appreciate her and were rude /mean to her - all probably true but didnt seem like it at the time.) I was a good kid too, never had a detention, all A*s and As, never in trouble inside or out of school, very little alcohol or parties, no smoking etc ... but still managed to make her cry.

LemonysSnicket Tue 12-Dec-17 13:23:12

Also just remember - during our teenage years we feel emotions more strongly than at any other time in our lives, Love, Anger, Sadness, Irritation are all whirlwinds which feel 10X stronger ( and are stronger) in those years. They also haven't really realised that everyone else has complex interior lives and feels and is as important as them ( the realisation is actually called Sonder). They might be little bastards but they don't mean to be.. not that that helps.

WhatHaveIFound Tue 12-Dec-17 13:33:37

What makes me cry at the moment...

DD's crap 'friends' who can be so mean to her sometimes. I think they have more of a problem with her being in a same sex relationship that DH and i do.

DS's latest school report and the fact that (apart from at home) he can't speak to anyone.

LemonysSnicket Tue 12-Dec-17 13:34:32

Reading that back ^ it seems like I'm stating the obvious but what i meant is that is proven, chemically, that they feel emotions more strongly. Sorry if it seemed a bit... 'well, duh!'

Tiedie Tue 12-Dec-17 14:55:12

Me!!! Very often. This morning in fact. A total refusal to do anything for school. I'm premenstrual and premenopausal and I think that I feel my emotions more strongly too.blush

forcryinoutloud Tue 12-Dec-17 15:12:28

Hi, as resounding 'yes' to answer your question OP! and {flowers} and sympathy to all esp mums like Wozzle who've been to hell with their teens.

I KNOW it's all normal blah blah blah. But I just always envisage other teens being well, just nicer in day to day life

I currently have an 18 year old DS who doesn't seem to know the meaning of the words 'hygiene' and 'work' oh and 'effort' and is driving me crazy. DD 15 yrs is much more of a dream than she was a few years back when I went through 2 or 3 years of torture with the hormones etc when she could have started a row in an empty room. That said, she still has her moments, usually when she's premenstrual usually.

roll on Christmas eh? fsad

forcryinoutloud Tue 12-Dec-17 15:16:46

Oh and meant to comment on the words in bold I put in from OP, I think it's normal for all to do this, 'the grass is always greener', I feel as if I constantly see other teens, esp young men, behaving in a much more mature fashion than mine! Then I think, where did I go wrong?

Am currently dreading the usual meet up with the inlaws where older teen cousin (female) will be present who is utterly mature and perfect in every way. Grrrrrrrrr!

JustHope Tue 12-Dec-17 16:12:28

I have cried, not at a specific incident as such but just because I feel sad that my lovely, happy, caring, easygoing, always smiling DD is rarely around anymore. She has been replaced by a teenager, permanently glued to her phone, who is also lovely but not always happy, is argumentative and not at all keen to be around me (unless she wants something). It’s so hard not to take it personally when you give so much and just get a rude, grumpy, thankless teenager in return.

JustHope Tue 12-Dec-17 16:20:43

And YY to ‘the grass is always greener’. I was never phased by competitive parenting before now but comments about other people’s perfect teens are just really grating. I really don’t want to know how other teens keep their rooms immaculate, play with younger siblings, make you a cup of tea, study and volunteer.

Nicecuppatea21 Tue 12-Dec-17 16:33:21

Wobble I hear you. I've cried buckets over my two and frequently felt like I was going to take a heart attack (didn't though).

The only time I got any real validation was when I heard the governor of a jail in Ireland saying that raising children was harder than running a prison! He wasn't joking he really meant it. He wrote a book about rearing kids.

JustHope Tue 12-Dec-17 16:41:53

Do you know what the book is called Nice? Might be a good Christmas readgrin

pasanda Tue 12-Dec-17 18:19:35

Wow Wozzle (great name btw!)

I'm not surprised you're crying sad

Makes my teens look like angels really. I am so sorry you're going through all of that. It must be absolutely horrendous and I'm not surprised you have disengaged. That must have been such a hard decision to make but equally the only way forward I imagine.

Good luck with your younger ds. I really, really hope he doesn't follow suit

thanks

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