Son's break up just before exams

[Justwhenyouthought]

Hello, really hoping someone can give me advice. My 19 year old son's girlfriend of three years has just finished the relationship, the week before his third year uni exams start. He is in no place to study or indeed to even turn up for the exam. Does anyone have any experience of this kind of situation and how sympathetic the university will be towards him. Is it better for him to turn up for the exam if he can manage it, fail, and then, will he get an opportunity to resit. What happens if he doesn't turn up. I am unable to ask him any questions as we both end up in floods of tears (girlfriend was just like another family member). Longing to hear from someone with knowledge of how the system works. Thank you.

[poisonedbypen]

How sad (where are you, 19 is very young for third year?). The uni will have stuff about student welfare on their website. At my daughter's uni you can talk to them & they can arrange for course work extensions etc, so maybe that they could advise. It's awful to see our children heartbroken. It happened to me 6 weeks before my uni finals :(

[Justwhenyouthought]

We are in Scotland, you can go to Uni after Highers when you are 17. Feel like I am being melodramatic but my mum always warned me I wouldn't feel real pain until it was my children's. I will take a look at the Uni's site. Sorry it happened to you, Poisoned, it stinks.

[poisonedbypen]

I just had a look & for DD's uni I googled "pastoral care x University" & it was under health & wellbeing on the uni web site. It's terrible when our children are unhappy. DD is unhappy for other reasons. They say you are only as happy as your unhappiest child :(

[ofmenandmice]

It's so hard to watch isn't it.
This happened to DS this year. Broke up with GF a week before finals. He contacted the tutor to ask whether they could give special consideration and the answer was not without medical evidence. Sad as it was he was not ill just heartbroken so he pushed on with the exams. Fortunately he had got stellar results in everything in years one and two plus two of the 12 exams he did before the break up.

[crazycatgal]

My university would not allow extenuating circumstances unless there was an illness (with medical evidence) or something like a bereavement (with evidence.)

[MrsJayy]

Dds ex broke up with her the week before her police exams so that was nice eh. anyway your son can do this he needs a peptalk tell him to put his upset to the side for now head down and get on with it don't bad mouth the ex and hope he does ok.

[MrsJayy]

You need to put a brake on this part of the family thing she was his girlfriend which is nice you got on but you being emotional about her won't help him

[molifly]

They won't be sympathetic i'm afraid. He should get another chance to take the exams if he fails but it will be capped at the pass mark so he won't be able to get any higher.

[MaudAndOtherPoems]

It is hard to watch but you need to buck up. Your crying down the phone to him (or at him?) isn't helping him.

MrsJayy is right. You need to deliver an encouraging pep talk - his heart may be broken but his brain isn't and it's very unlikely that a university with most of the student body in their teens will make any allowance for a break-up. Tough as it is, the situation calls for resilience.

[Justwhenyouthought]

Poisoned - Yes, that's it exactly. Have found the relevant part on the University website and it seems you apply for mitigating circumstances before the end of the exam diet. Practical advice, that I was looking for. Thank you.

MrsJavy - I will not be badmouthing the girl and neither will my son. We understand that she cannot help how she feels, but we will miss her.

Maud - Unfortunately, I am not a robot.

[MaudAndOtherPoems]

Exactly. It's because you are not a robot that you can (whatever you think or feel) modify your behaviour so that you are not crying at your son when he needs you to be bright and optimistic about these exams and more generally about the future.