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DS seems to prefer his own company to that of others

(6 Posts)
humblesims Sun 03-Dec-17 11:26:26

DS has always been a bit of a loner. He seems to prefer his own company and spends a lot of time on his own. I thought when he left for uni that it would be a good opportunity for him to start mixing a bit more, especially as he is living in halls. However even though he has been there for a couple months now he still has no one that he meets up with or any groups that he mixes with.
That makes him sound a bit sad but he doesnt seem bothered. His halls flat is all male and they are apparently quite party orientated which he totally isnt. I asked him if he wanted to apply to move flats but he is perfectly happy where he is even though he doesnt go out with his flat mates at all. He gets on fine with them on a day to day basis and gets on with his subject cohort and is really enjoying the course (after a slight hiatus at the beginning when he couldnt get out of bed in time for lectures) but he doesnt meet up with any of them at all. He hasnt joined any societies even though he did consider a handful.
He just seems to prefer to be on his own and I'm not sure how healthy that is really.
He has signed up to do a fundraising trip to Africa (he did this in 6th form too) next year and is perfectly happy to do that and be with a bunch of people he doesnt know and muck in and be part of a team so I know it isnt just shyness.
Would you be worried about his lack of social life? Or should I just stop worrying and he'll make friends in his own good time.

Northernparent68 Sun 03-Dec-17 14:04:13

I think you should accept he’s a bit of a loner, not every one is gregarious, he’s happy so what does it matter

Trying2bgd Sun 03-Dec-17 14:29:46

I think there is no point worrying about it as basically there is nothing you can do about it. He is clearly not bothered by the situation and is seems pretty content. He may be an introvert which simply means he gets his energy from solitude so the time he spends in lectures and day to day interactions with others is enough for him. This may or may not change as he gets older. My dh can be like this, he goes through phases of being very social and it gets too much then will happily not see anyone for about 3 months. Loneliness and enjoying your own company are very different things.

Dancinggoat Tue 05-Dec-17 22:24:17

The most important thing is if he's happy and it sounds like he is.
What us parents do is to think our kids need certain things to get the most out of life and be happy and then worry if they don't have it. I'm a culprit for this too.
He's doing exactly what he feels comfortable doing so that's just brilliant.
But it won't stop you worrying.

CrazyHairSister Tue 12-Dec-17 19:35:27

DS is a bit of a loner, albeit that he lives at home.

All his mates are out partying but he doesn't see the fun in it, he would rather be home with a beer and a pizza and watch wrestling once a month with his (similarly alone) friend.

forcryinoutloud Tue 12-Dec-17 21:42:58

I think it's time you accepted that this is how he is and there is nothing wrong with it. Not everyone is a party person! If he is content and getting on with his work and doing the stuff he wants to do who says he has to be sociable all the time? It's just not for some people and it should not be seen as 'sad' or unusual.

If it reassures you I have a younger relative who crashed out of uni last year after constant partying and socialising, so much so that she could/didn't want to do any work. Hopefully she'll get back on track but at the moment it still feels like a waste of grade A/B GCSEs, a good uni place and a student loan.

My DS is mainly a loner, quite happy watching football and not into pubs or partying at all. Suits me as I absolutely dread any of my DCs getting into the booze culture of a lot of youngsters go for, esp at uni.

Stop worrying!

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