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Teenagers

Son having problems

7 replies

Donny21 · 11/11/2017 18:12

Hi hoping for some advice from any parents that have dealt with the following issues please. Got call from school my 14 yr old son has been texting other student to say he might as well be dead. came as shock as me and OH always asking if he's Ok and that he can talk to us about anything. He is a sensitive soul. Spoke to him last night he says that other kids annoying him and gets mad and that his dad always nagging him. dad has MH issues but nags no more than me or other parents. He has to do a few chores but has everything he needs. son away on cadet camp so I checked phone messages one thread with girl about him being fat and no good at sport. he is def not fat and he good at rugby but not footy all his mates play footy and have in past made fun of him. But real shock was he put hates family is it just teenage talk as I'm gutted we are so proud of him he's bright and doing well in cadets he got his black belt in TKD 2 yrs ago. don' know what to do or say do.

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Dancinggoat · 12/11/2017 02:15

Read the book - get out my life but first take me and Alex to town.

His D’s MH difficulties will be having an effect on him thrown in the mix with teenage hormones.

Can he access school Councilor

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Donny21 · 12/11/2017 12:31

Thank you will check that book out. He is spending time with a pastoral care teacher he gets on really well with. I’m meeting his head of year in Wed for a chat.

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Dancinggoat · 13/11/2017 22:44

It’s an excellent excellent book will really help you understand what and how he’s thinking. It made a difference to us I wished I’d read it years ago.

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lljkk · 14/11/2017 19:32

Teens think in black and white, it's partly to do with brain chemistry.

Do you get chances for idle chitchat. Try to nudge those doors more open a bit. Don't ask him about his mood, but ask him questions with easy answers (no emotional link to the answer, and that don't sound like prying). EG, ask him how the rugby training went or who played well, and what did he do in the game. Can ask him (not a nagging tone) practicals like who does he need a lift with you next time or did he remember to put his kit in the wash. You're pushing the communication door wide open so he can find ways to tell you more about his inner world.

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Northernsoul58 · 15/11/2017 10:02

It may not work with other teens, but instead of asking my DS about his day and how he was, I would ask 'what bonkers things happened at school today?', or 'who got told off today?', and 'who got detention?'. This always gave him an opportunity to think back on school and reflect on it in a way that wasn't about him. Invariably he would relate incidents and some of those related to him. It was just a devious subtle way of getting him to open up and talk. Mind you, he never really needed much encouragement to do that.

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lljkk · 15/11/2017 20:47

Good Advice from NorthernSoul. It opens the door perfectly.

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Donny21 · 22/11/2017 22:01

Thanks for all the messages, I have read the recommended book it is very helpful. Unfortunatley the meeting at school opened up another issue. DS had been sexting girls luckily it doesn't appear to be going any further than school. Had warned him numerous times about the dangers of this. Disappointed and finding it hard to trust him have removed snapchat and other apps and phone stays downstairs at bedtime now. Any advice on this mums?