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Dd opened car door at 70mph on motorway

(10 Posts)
twinone Fri 10-Nov-17 01:09:49

Her attitude is vile.
All the way home, she was chanting (off and on) "I hate you, I hate you with every fibre of my being". Screaming, crying, kicking my arm and as title, opened the car door. I had to pull over onto the hard shoulder so she could shut it.
When we got home, I had to lock her in the house as she was threatening to do a runner. This resulted in her climbing out onto a flat roof and jumping off. She walked back through the door like she was cock of the walk.
Things have changed since she fell out with her 2 friends at the end of yr 10. She is now friendly with a girl from an out of school activity, she is a year older and trouble. Did finish school, albeit with one GCSE, after a failed managed move in yr11.

My lovely polite child has turned into an opiniated, disrespectful, shouty, entitled horrible person.

I am out of my depth, we need help but where will we get that help?
Had a meeting with school, who were great but all she did was cry and shutdown, giving yes/no answers. She spoke to me like shit, which surprised the head of year, as he had never seen, or thought of her like that.
I stopped her doing her after school activity, hence her attempt to exit the car at 70mph.
There is probably more to tell but I am just exhausted by it all.
What on earth do I do to help her get back on track. I am worried for her future. She refuses to look round colleges and has yet to apply anywhere.
I just don't know what I can do to help her sad

MakeItStopNeville Fri 10-Nov-17 01:16:28

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sucks. It’s an oft asked question on here, but have you tried Cahms? Opening the door on the motorway is pretty full on.

BritInUS1 Fri 10-Nov-17 01:37:49

Wow what a nightmare. In the future I would make her sit in the back with a child and window lock on x

PyongyangKipperbang Fri 10-Nov-17 01:52:24

Actually I wouldnt have her in the car at all unless it was unavoidable, especially if it is to take/collect her. It wouldnt be safe.
Sounds like she is lonely after the loss of her other friendships and has latched on to this other girl, and is mimicking her, rather than be on her own.

Stopping the activity is a good start. I would follow it up with cancellation of phone if you pay it and changing the internet password every time she behaves like this.

llangennith Fri 10-Nov-17 02:05:32

What a horrible situation op. Your DD is a very troubled teen and is taking it out on you because she can. She knows that however awful she is you’re the one person who will always love her.
Punishing her won’t solve anything. When she’s calmed down (tomorrow?) and you have recovered from tonight, have a talk with her and let her tell you all her teenage worries. Then you console but also tell her what’s acceptable behaviour and what isn’t. Be nice but firm.

twinone Fri 10-Nov-17 08:46:44

Thank you to the pp who reminded me about child locks. She was in the back but they weren't on. They are now.
Today she was refusing school but in the end agreed to go.

In yr8, she self harmed, I think more for attention than anything. Her wounds were very, very superficial. Our gp did refer to CAMHS but they saw her once and discharged her. She did very much what she did with the head of year yesterday, cried and acted embarrassed.
I will try and access CAMHS again but unless she is going to talk, it is futile.
The clanking up and not talking makes it very difficult to make headway with her.

I'm ready for a long and rocky ride, I just wish I wasn't on it sad

twinone Fri 10-Nov-17 08:47:14

Clamming, not clanking confused

hmcAsWas Fri 10-Nov-17 09:02:06

Is she acutely anxious? The not applying for 6th form is avoidance behaviour...

I had similar problems with my dd during Y9 and 10 (she has also tried to get out of a moving car / been abusive and irrational etc). She is doing better now in Y11. A lot of talking through her anxieties has helped and continued to help...both with me and with a Psychologist. She enjoys seeing the Psychologist and has a rapport with her...

Is your dd overwhelmed by anything? Does she have too much going on?

hmcAsWas Fri 10-Nov-17 09:03:00

Oh, and like your dd, my dd has a period of school refusal

hmcAsWas Fri 10-Nov-17 09:03:20

‘Had’ not has

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