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14 year old boy problems. Anyone been there?

(5 Posts)
WhoopiGoldbergsCat Mon 30-Oct-17 07:57:04

My 14 year son is generally a good kid. Good grades at school, a few friends who he sees. Lately though he has become unbearable. If my husband or I tell him off (for example, he whacked his younger brother the other day) he gets extremely angry. His punishment was a ban from his phone,he lost the plot, slamming doors, shouting, screaming that his life was rubbish and he wishes we were all dead. Once he calmed down I explained that his behaviour wasn't acceptable but he showed no remorse at all. This is happening more and more,he's fine until he gets told off for something. He's horrible at the moment, I don't want to be around him at all. He is moody and disrespectful from the minute he wakes up. Any advice much appreciated.

faitch Mon 30-Oct-17 17:48:07

We’re there at the moment too! 14 yo, had a total personality bypass, has literally changed into stereotypical teen overnight, and lost all sense of respect and what’s right and what’s wrong. Again, absolutely no remorse shown from my cherub DS either.

He’s not quiet at losing the rag stage, so not too much slamming and banging of doors, and I haven’t had too many Hate You/Wish You Were Dead pleasantries from him, but maybe that will come in due course.

I think I’m struggling with the transition more than he is, which is crazy seems as my job is working with teenagers (albeit older, 16 - 21), but it’s so different when it’s your own flesh and blood morphing into this young adult with a mind and language of their own.

I would just continue to point out that his behaviour and the disrespect isn’t acceptable, and continue with the removal of phone/Xbox/thing if he oversteps the mark.
As I say to my work teens every single day, action and consequences, kiddos!

This really is just a phase. Try not to lose sight that it will be over and it’s not forever. Correct when needed, pick your arguments, walk away and ignore if it doesn’t warrant your blood pressure going through the roof. I was an A1 shite to my mum growing up; how she survived I don’t know, but she did, we did, and I’m actually a Very Nice Person now, with a great relationship with me Mum! This too shall pass.

TresDesolee Mon 30-Oct-17 19:40:00

My 14yo boy is doing zero work at school and on course to crash and burn in his GCSEs pretty badly, despite being perfectly clever. When I tackle him about it - which is a lot because it drives me crazy - I get told that he’s surprised by how stupid i’m being, and that I need to think about my morals (that was today’s conversation after he got a straight one-hour detention for fucking about in class).

Most of the time he’s fine and perfectly pleasant, but good lord sometimes i’d like to leave him out with the bins. I mostly just truck onwards and try to be consistent, and bear in mind how many others say that theirs went through a horrible phase before turning back into nice people.

Endless conversations and drama seem to just make me upset and angry without achieving anything so I try to keep it pretty low key - you’re doing x (bad thing), stop it or y happens. Then just end the conversation and try not to get dragged into a dramatic argument, although it’s a lot easier said than done.

For what it’s worth, when I mentioned removing his phone as a possible sanction mine absolutely lost his tag too, including door slamming. Thankfully I didn’t have to follow through because the threat got him to knuckle down a bit (and then he dropped his phone and broke it anyway grin). I guess their phones are their lives so they do feel a bit desperate when people threaten to take them away. I’d go nuts if someone threatened to take my phone away!

Solidarity!

WhoopiGoldbergsCat Mon 30-Oct-17 21:53:12

Everyone keeps telling me it's a phase, but it's so bloody hard isn't it! I miss the cute little loving kid he used to be.

faitch Mon 30-Oct-17 22:02:33

Buts it’s soooooo nice finally getting my living room back now he wants to spend every second in his room !

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