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Do you give your 15 year old alcohol for parties?

(110 Posts)
familygermsareok Sat 28-Oct-17 17:12:48

DS asking to take 4 or 6 bottles beer or cider to his friend's party tonight. Party is typical last minute get together round their house. I am aware he has had alcohol at similar parties before which friends have brought and we have allowed him to have a beer once with us when on hols. He has never come home obviously drunk and is usually well behaved and sensible.
I realise teens do drink (did myself!) but my main concerns are that if I am actually supplying him with it then I am condoning it when other parents may not agree, and I have no control over where he drinks it, could be in a park rather than someone's house. And it is adding to overall alcohol available, even if shared around, the more that bring the more there is. Also it is illegal to supply under 18s!
However, if I don't give him any he may always be the one scrounging off someone else. He says most, though not all, of his friends bring some and they share.
I don't know many of his current friends' parents to ask. I do know one mum who always gives some to her son so some certainly some do.
Have had the talk about not needing alcohol to enjoy yourself. I think occasional supervised alcohol is ok at this age but am uncomfortable about supplying as above.
Would appreciate other's thoughts on this please.

Movablefeast Sat 28-Oct-17 17:13:36

Are you mad?

OwlBeBack Sat 28-Oct-17 17:15:02

Not a chance in hell I’d be doing this!

Santawontbelong Sat 28-Oct-17 17:15:18

Dc x 4 over 18 and have hand on heart never supplied them with alcohol. Teens now would never ask /suggest I did .
If it's an offence worthy of a 4k fine to buy it in a shop and hand it to a minor outside the shop why should it be ok to give it to your own dc?

Movablefeast Sat 28-Oct-17 17:16:16

Do you roll his joints as well?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 28-Oct-17 17:16:28

Yes, our 15 year olds took a couple of drinks to parties..

TopBitchoftheWitches Sat 28-Oct-17 17:17:04

My 16 yr old is off to the 3rd overnighter this year shortly. I have bought 2x bulmers bottles (small).
Last time he took some light beers and hated the taste of them grin.
I’d rather know what he is drinking than not know.
Plus he is one of the ones who doesn’t really drink and phones the parents of the ones who get blotted.

RubyWinterstorm Sat 28-Oct-17 17:20:04

It seems to be the done thing for parents of (wannabe) popular kids this age to supply them with alcohol, so if your kid is in the "popular" crowd, and you want him to be one of the cool kids, you supply drinks...

Just my observation. My poor teens have to deal with uncool parents, who send them with a bottle of coke.....

TopBitchoftheWitches Sat 28-Oct-17 17:21:11

My son is at college and honestly has no desire to be a ‘cool’ kid.

RubyWinterstorm Sat 28-Oct-17 17:22:44

That is quite an age difference then, as my DS is 15 and in y10....

I may change my mind in 2 years grin parenting is all about eating your words after all....

TopBitchoftheWitches Sat 28-Oct-17 17:24:59

Good point!
My son is 17 in March but always has been so sensible.
I predict a rebellion at some point.

Blueemeraldagain Sat 28-Oct-17 17:30:59

I don't have children but when I was 16-18 my mother would send me with a few Smirnoff Ice or whatever because she thought (correctly) that otherwise we would put our pounds together to buy as much dirt, dirt cheap vodka as possible otherwise. Perhaps it was a slightly different situation because there was a group of about 12 of us who hung out together from 12 to, well the present day. All our parents knew all the group and at least one parent of each friend.
I suspect it was an unspoken agreement between our parents that moderate drinking would be allowed in their homes (with an adult around upstairs or wherever, we were never left home alone) to prevent drinking in a park or wherever.

I have far, far fewer stories of "when I/he/she got so wasted" than most people I met at university.

Please don't assume that coke is going unmixed.

Atenco Sat 28-Oct-17 17:31:53

I'm pretty cool about a lot of things but not about parents supplying alcohol for 15-year-olds.

crunched Sat 28-Oct-17 17:34:00

Certainly at 16 I would provide some alcohol in this situation, and if it was an event in a house with sensible adults around I would consider it at 15. I am talking 4 cans of beer, cider or some fizz, not spirits obviously.
I can't see how this can be an offence as restaurants/hotels will serve alcohol to under 18s if staying/eating.

PoisonousSmurf Sat 28-Oct-17 17:36:25

Google the law on UK alchohol. In the home it is LEGAL to give alcohol to kids from five years old!!

Runningissimple Sat 28-Oct-17 17:38:05

I did once she was about 16/17. That way I felt she could choose what to drink rather than take pot-luck. I also took it as an opportunity to have conversations about alcohol and safe drinking.

The drunkest she has ever been was at a family event when she was plied with so much champagne, she ended up vomiting. I was quite angry with my bil at the time but it's now passed into family legend. grin

PoisonousSmurf Sat 28-Oct-17 17:38:20

As long as you give them low alcohol drinks, what harm can there be? Just lay off the wine, vodka and whiskey!

Runningissimple Sat 28-Oct-17 17:38:53

I think 15 is too young though...

Laceup Sat 28-Oct-17 17:40:28

I've 4 ,3 are adults...ive honestly never done this....we don't drink,they have never seen us drink alcohol as we (ahem me)only have a sherry at Xmas...none of my adult kids are drinkers,never been drunk..too busy working studying,uni etc ect...lead by example is my motto ... I've never heard of anything so rediculous as buying yr kid alcohol,you know the brain is still developing till they are 18 right?... here is a thought,you say no,your child says no ,and refuses alcohol...or he finds new friends..

corythatwas Sat 28-Oct-17 17:41:02

No. Never felt there was any insurance that way tbh anyway: nothing to stop them downing the beers provided by me and the vodka supplied by their friends. In fact, once they'd had the beer, their resistance to the vodka would be more likely to be lowered.

I let them know I did not wish them to drink. If they drank anyway, that was their responsibility, I did not condone it.

crunched, restaurants/hotels are only allowed to serve over 16s eating a sit-down meal in the company of an adult. Not somebody out for a dance or a pub crawl.

AlexanderHamilton Sat 28-Oct-17 17:43:55

No I don't & wouldn't allow either of them (Ds 13 & Dd 16) to go to a party unless I was sure there was a parent in attendance & no alcohol.

Laceup Sat 28-Oct-17 17:44:54

I have a friend who did supply her son some cans for a party....however the hosts parents also 😟Supplied some alcohol for the party...come midnight an ambulance was called ,who called the police ,my friends son was taken to hospital with alcohol poisoning,but ....but not untill the child's lovely friends had filmed him drunk ,throwing up and filmed the ambulance crew working on him....it's still doing the rounds on the net..nice bit of bullying after as well.

familygermsareok Sat 28-Oct-17 17:47:37

Thanks for all replies, I have to go out for a bit but will reply properly later this evening.
I'm trying to be realistic, short of keeping him under lock and key he will be in situations where alcohol is being drunk, he is unlikely to not try it and I am trying to find best way of navigating it. Useful to know what other parents of teens think about it and how they manage it.

BackforGood Sat 28-Oct-17 17:47:56

No.
At 15 - is he in Yr10 or 11 ?
I wouldn't let my 16 yr old (in Yr 11) either.
I think you can be a bit more lenient once in 6th form, but even then it would be a couple of cans, not 4 or 6.

I have a 21, 19, and 16 yr old, so have experience here. Definitely not before 6th form, and then in small, moderated amounts.

corythatwas Sat 28-Oct-17 17:48:06

That's horrible, Laceup. Dd went with a friend to hospital after similar incident and sat with her all night until friend's parents turned up; hospital staff commented on how unusual that is, most just dump and run. But your story is just so shitty sad

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