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(12 Posts)
GoodyGoodyGumdrops Mon 23-Oct-17 22:24:15

What does it mean when a teenager says that they are pan?

VivaLeBeaver Mon 23-Oct-17 22:32:51

Pan sexual means they judge people as individuals rather than taking gender into account. So will fall in love with someone if they live them no matter what gender. I believe there's also a bit about only having sex with someone once a deep and meaningful relationship is established. Kind of bi sexual but also will date transgender people but will want that serious relationship before sex. That's what dd told me anyway years ago.

mikeyssister Mon 23-Oct-17 22:39:27

But it doesn't mean they're into furries - or so DD explained

Ttbb Mon 23-Oct-17 22:41:03

Lack of sexual preference for any kind of gender to put it simply.

GoodyGoodyGumdrops Mon 23-Oct-17 22:54:35

I've no doubt they're sincere, but I can't help translating it in my head as "I don't have any sexual feelings yet, but I feel under pressure from society to take on a sexual identity label".

AlexanderHamilton Mon 23-Oct-17 22:56:44

That would be asexual goody (dd's label for her self). I just think no, you're an aspie with no interest in a sexual relationship.

AcrossthePond55 Mon 23-Oct-17 23:39:58

BFF's DD identifies as 'pan sexual'. For her it means she wears the clothing of the gender she 'identifies' as that day. She states she is attracted to people of both sexes. She has a boyfriend (genetically male) who also identifies as pan sexual and they switch gender identification as/when they feel like it. For whatever reason they are not sexually involved. It gets confusing.

Kleinzeit Tue 24-Oct-17 09:08:21

I would ask the teenager. (After resisting the temptation to say "that's nice dear" in a June Whitfield voice grin) It means they are questioning the usual gender identities and sexuality. Beyond that, it means different things to different people.

GoodyGoodyGumdrops Tue 24-Oct-17 10:36:43

I think pan is probably a 'safer' (easier?) choice than asexual. There is so much pressure on teens, particularly girls, to have a sexual identity, that to go completely against the grain must be quite tough.

I was definitely asexual in my teens, very much a late developer, and felt ostracised by the other girls. Maybe it was just them moving on, having less in common any more, but when it was demonstrated by them physically turning their backs on me and excluding me from any conversations about relationships, it felt judgemental.

The fact that this friendship group have all come out to each other as pan, rather suggests to me that they are just ordinary confused teens, at a different stage of maturity to others their age. I feel a little sad that they feel they have to adopt a label, rather than just accept their own individuality.

Kleinzeit Tue 24-Oct-17 12:23:52

Well, you could be right but I would never assume that a teenager doesn't have any sexual feelings yet! That sounds like quite a risky assumption to make, especially for a whole group. Maybe this friendship group identifies as "pan" because it is inclusive and accepting of a wide range of sexualities including asexuality. And that can only be a good thing.

GoodyGoodyGumdrops Tue 24-Oct-17 12:44:10

I may be projecting.

But I'm glad that they appear to be a kind and non-judgemental group. And that my teen wanted to talk to me about this.

VivaLeBeaver Tue 24-Oct-17 13:40:03

Dd said she was pan a couple of years ago but seems to me to be totally heterosexual. When she said she was pan I just think she wasn't yet interested. But has now decided that boys are interesting.

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