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How to handle DS stealing money?

(3 Posts)
TitsalinaBumSqoosh Wed 18-Oct-17 14:34:43

DS (13) has stolen a £20 from the house. It accidentally ended up in the washing machine so I had left it on the side to dry. I had a conversation at the time with him about it, so he know without shadow of a doubt it’s mine. It’s 1/4 of our weekly shopping bill it’s a significant amount of money to us.
For information, DS is given £3 everyday lunch money but this week was given £10 to last 3 days lunch.

I’ve checked with DH he says it was in the kitchen this morning when he was making breakfast and he hasn’t taken it.
There is only the 2 and 4 yr olds who don’t really care about money and the 10 yr old who might have taken it (5% chance maybe?) but he doesn’t have the opportunity to take it and spend it and isn’t all that money driven.
DS1 is very money driven and walks past Tesco on his way to school every morning. We have spoken time and time again to him because he ‘buys’ friendship and status with sweets and drinks for his mates pre/post school.

So. I don’t know what to do, DS lies by default about everything especially if confronted and put on the spot. I know that if I confront him he will deny it and I will end up getting so angry which will just lead to further shut down from him.

So far I have text him to say, DS, the £20 from the kitchen has gone. If you have taken it as a silly mistake in judgment then I won’t be home until x, you may return it to the kitchen and no more will be said. If you have taken it and spent it (this is likely) then I would appreciate your honesty. If this isn’t resolved then it will be taken further.
Everyone makes mistakes so this is your chance to show that you can make a good choice today.

I know he will have spent it or part of it and I’m hoping with time to think he’ll admit it but DS would tell you the sky is green and stick to his guns no matter what so I’m not sure if it will work.

We’ve had this in the past with him taking his siblings lunchbox food out the fridge and cupboard and then denying it, this seems like an escalation and a further two finger salute to anything we try and do with/for him.

I certainly don’t want him to get away with it even if he won’t admit it. I’ll obviously be keeping money firmly away from temptation form now on!

Any advice please?

marmitegirl01 Sat 21-Oct-17 21:04:31

My DD 14 stole from me &her sister probably for a long time before we noticed - purses were left out. Then stole a collection of 50ps I had saved over about 5yrs. She knew we were saving them and was excited as us when we found one in our change! I was saving two of each design for the girls. Was absolutely gutted. I involved head of year at school when it happened 2nd time as had said I would after first time ( did say I’d involve police but didn’t go that far but absolutely would if it happened again) Now lock all money away in my room. Will be a long time before I totally trust her again but that breaks my heart every time I lock the door. But it’s a reminder to her each time. She’s matured a lot lately and don’t think she would but was SO SO hurt that she would steal from us. She nows how hard I work for my money...3 jobs, single parent blah blah!!
Anyway can’t help re how to get truth told but wanted you to know your not alone. And took me a while to understand it wasn’t my fault- I didn’t bring her up to do that but she made her own choices. Think she will be horrified when she thinks about it as an adult.
Good luck xx

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 26-Oct-17 10:53:48

Flicking through Teenager threads saw this, hope you don't mind me asking how it worked out?

Trouble is on this occasion you couldn't be 100% certain he was responsible.
Your text was a good idea, how did he respond?
I realise the lying is a defensive strategy that's as maddening as stealing.

Buying friendship doesn't work. I would gently say to him you understand he might worry that some of his pals won't be interested in him if his purse is empty. He might be desperate to keep in with them even if these are not true friends worth having.

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