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My mother has cut me out of her life

(9 Posts)
nuttyprofessor0306 Thu 12-Oct-17 13:37:00

Hi guys,
Recently I've been battling with myself and my anxiety over my failed relationship with my mother. I am 20, and she is under 40. I have a younger teenage brother who gets on fantastically well with her.

My mum has never had a positive relationship with me ever since I can remember. When I was 5-8 She would often make me eat my breakfast or lunch in the garden in my underwear or nighttime clothes if I didn't eat fast enough. But she always had patience for my brother, which is strange. She was also very emotionally manipulative. Even though she catered to my physical needs and I always had the toys I wanted, my mother never really acted like a mother. She was always highly erratic and constantly aggressive over the smallest things. Anything would set her off.

I remember once I told her I didn't want to wear a skirt to school, she told me to put it on and I obliged. The minute I came down the stairs she darted at me with a huge pair of scissors I was scared she would kill me! But instead without saying a word she just cut the skirt off of me and so I went and put my trousers on. I have a very good relationship with my reasonable and understanding father (they divorced when I was 8).

Rewind to my teenage years, my mom kicked me out of the family home multiple times over small family spats that escalated. I am now 20 and my mothers kicked me out completely and not even asked me to come back, as I live with other family members. I can't shake the feeling that my mother never loved me or cared about me as much as she did my younger sibling, I don't understand what I could've done to make her hate me this much. It keeps me up at night sometimes thinking about it. It hurts knowing my mom doesn't miss me or want to know how im doing. I'm currently in university and in a serious relationship both of which she knows nothing about.
Someone please help me

Badders08 Thu 12-Oct-17 13:39:44

Cone on over to the stately homes thread

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 12-Oct-17 13:53:13

Does your sibling have a different father to you because she may actually be projecting how she feels about the fathers rather than you, if you get what I mean.

Here is a (hug) for you. No child should be made to feel like that by their parent.

nuttyprofessor0306 Thu 12-Oct-17 16:26:44

No me and my brother are full siblings, if that were the case I would probably understand.

Incitatus Thu 12-Oct-17 16:32:02

I think some mothers see their daughters as competition. Having a daughter is a threat to their ego in some way. It’s her problem and not about anything you’ve done.

Stick with your dad. I’m NC with my mother and you get used to it.

BubblesPip Thu 12-Oct-17 16:38:00

Oh I really for you OP flowers She's not a nice person at all and it's her loss. Concentrate of other family relationships, she's not worth any heartache.

thecatfromjapan Thu 12-Oct-17 16:43:58

There should be a counselling service at your university. To be honest, it might be better trying to find someone to talk it through there, rather than on MN. It's likely to be free - which is what stops many people who could do with someone to talk to from getting help.

You should be able to access it quickly, probably via the Student Union. What's more, if it looks as though you need more support, for example, with accommodation during the holidays, they can probably point you in the direction of getting help with that, too.

FaFoutis Thu 12-Oct-17 16:48:32

There are a lot of us in a similar position nutty. It's very difficult, particularly when you are so young. I'm mid 40s and I still don't understand my mother's behaviour but I no longer get upset by it.

It's your mother's problem, don't blame yourself. It sounds like you are building a good life for yourself, focus on that.

CockacidalManiac Fri 13-Oct-17 12:18:29

What thecatfromjapan said.
I also think it’d be helpful to access professional help for this, it’s appalling behaviour by your mother and something like this has the potential to affect your self-image for the rest of your life.
You don’t deserve to feel like this.

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