Help!

[Embergalaxy]

My 19 year previously caring son went to South Korea over the summer holidays to meet up with a girl he met online the previous year. He didn’t tell me much about her other than her name and him being the person he was I trusted that nothing was untoward. He stayed 10 weeks sending me pics and emails to keep me updated with what was going on. 2 days before he was due to return I got a text asking if it would be ok if she returned back to the UK with him for 8 weeks. It was a bit of a surprise just 2 days before but I thought, hey, let’s return the favour for her welcoming him for 10 weeks. Needless to say I spent the next 2 days frantically getting everything ready for their return.

I drove to pick them up from the airport at the scheduled time only to find they had been detained at immigration, 3 hours passed and I get a text from my son saying change of plan and she would be staying for 6 months and that immigration may call me. Obviously this was a bolt out of the blue for me, then seconds later immigration called asking all these questions, what did we do for a living, where they would be staying etc. He said he would have to speak to his supervisor about it.

20 minuets later I get a text from my son saying they were out. Obviously I was relieved at this point but not for long. I met them in arrivals and saw her for the first time. My heart sank, she was obviously significantly older, I’m thinking 40’s at least. I didn’t know what to say or do so just continued on and gave them the obligatory hugs and welcome. Driving home was awkward to say the least, she made no mention of her age, neither did my son.

We arrived home with the rest of the family equally as shocked as me, there was an obvious elephant in the room, which rightly or wrongly was never addressed. We did everything we could to make her feel welcome over the next couple of weeks, took them out, paid for a trip to London, generally welcomed her into the home.

Then without warning they packed up their stuff whilst we were working and moved out to go and stay in his 2nd uni digs, that had been arranged before the summer, and would be sharing with 3 other 2nd year olds. There was no text, nothing to say where they had gone. By evening I was getting worried so I tried to call a couple of times, no answer, on the third attempt his phone was switched off.

The following day I got the worst text any parent could ever recieve. He was basically saying that he was fed up of being treated like a baby, he didn’t want to be part of our lives, he was a man now and by the way we are married!!! The whole tone of the text was horrible, I was distraught. He wouldn’t reply back to my texts so we drove to his uni digs. After 10 minutes of knocking he finally let us in. The next 2 hour conversation broke my heart, he was cold, distant and unconnected. We left kissing him saying we love him and are there for him. She was nowhere to be seen.

Since that conversation I have texted him twice receiving one word responses to each text. Yesterday I asked texted saying we would like to take him out for a meal for his birthday at the end of October and so far have received no response. I’m just so hurt that he would cut us out like this for no reason, we did nothing wrong.

What should I do? I’m at a loss 😂😂😂😂

[LIZS]

Really? Tbh I don't think her visa would enable her to marry in UK let alone reside permanently.

[Embergalaxy]

They married in South Korea apparently 😩

[LIZS]

And they hadn't looked into her UK visa even now she has no automatic right to remain or work and wouldn't they need to prove she had savings or income. All sounds a bit unlikely tbh. How is he funding uni?

[millmoo]

As hard as it may sound you just have to let him get on with it -so hard for you tho as a mother who’s always been there for him -I would keep trying to communicate every so often -just keep sending texts every few weeks and see what response you get -does he have a siblings he’s close to ??

[Embergalaxy]

Thanks for all your input. My eldest daughter has said the same really, back off for now and let things run their course. It’s so difficult though, he’s my baby. 😂😂

[Northernsoul58]

It sounds like your son has been recruited into a cult.
You can PM me about this if you like.
Contact here for more information and help - let them know you are in the UK.
www.openmindsfoundation.org/who-we-are/contact-open-minds-foundation/
The first bit of advice I will offer you is that you must keep in contact with your son and make that contact as neutral as possible - do not criticise or nag or complain, just tell him you love him and want the best for him and that you will always be there for him no matter what.

[Whisky2014]

Can you not contact Imigration and tell them the whole sorry story? You just say the truth and that you didn't know anything about the woman but just trusted your son.