DD, almost 16, has cut me out of her life-please help :((6 Posts)
My beautiful 1st born daughter broke my heart when she told me she was going to live with her father, back at the end of May. It was 2 days before the final show of my degree, and it was crucial I did well in my role. I gained a good degree but lost my child, and I've been struggling to cope ever since. I've never felt such complete heartbreak and feel so painfully alone in my grief. I have another little girl who is only 9, and also can't understand why her sister is being so mean to me-she not only didn't bother to wish me a happy birthday last month, but chose that particular day to block me on her facebook, a sever action by any teenager, as we all know.
I'm lost, broken and alone in a mess of post graduate working, whilst my income has dropped because my ex husband couldn't start claiming benefits quickly enough, and my work is unsecured. All the while, I have a 9 year old little girl who needs her mum, having now lost her father and her sister, oh, and a disgruntled granny as well, but that's no great loss to us.
I could ramble on all day but, as per, I'm now in tears at the mess that my life has become. I've lost my little girl, and to the man who systematically destroyed me over a 20 year period, and I don't feel I have a person anywhere who understands and will help.
Oh god you poor thing, I've nothing offer but a handhold but I am so so sorry for you.
I know you don't need telling but be strong for your 9yo, what happens today isn't forever and I hope your older DD will be in contact again soon.
Send her a short letter and tell her you love her and will always be here for her- can you hand deliver it ? Keep the door open, she will need you one day. you have invested 16 years of love and memories in your daughter, and this will in time be remembered. . Some teens are sure they are right and you, the stupid parent ate never right. Once she becomes closer to her Dad she will realise his flaws and he may lose his status on the pedestal she has put him on.
Haven't posted for years but had to respond. First many many hugs to you. Sounds like you're hurting deeply.
Things will get better.
Just wanted to say I walked out of my mum's life when I was 17. I didn't speak to her for 2 years and I'm sure I broke her heart. And even after we did start speaking, things were difficult for a long time. Now at 42, she is one of my closest friends. She's central to my life now.
I don't know if that does help, but teenage girls carry so much rage and hurt and hormonal swings and it's easy to direct all of that at the people closest to us.
You sound like a lovely woman. Hugs.
My ds did this when he was 15. He terrorized his younger brother and wouldn't tow the line with regards to household rules. I asked his dad to take him for a couple of weeks to give me a bit of a break as my youngest was only 2 at the time and i also had 3 more children to care for. His dad never brought him home. Instead of supporting me and trying to get our ds to learn some respect for me, he allowed him to stay with him. I was beyond devastated. I couldn't get over it. After 12 months, they fell out and his dad told him he had to leave. Instead of coming home my parents let him go to live with them. As much as I love my parents I don't feel this taught him anything at all. However he still lives there now and he is 21 and we get on really well. He is a fantastic young man, polite, funny and very mature. I see him at least once a week, but I still feel like my baby was taken away from me. I miss him so much and I don't think I will ever properly get over it
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