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Excluded in year 11

(12 Posts)
Ryebreadandwine Wed 27-Sep-17 07:36:20

For having cannabis paraphernalia in school bag. They're a good school but zero tolerance for drugs. I'm not sure whether he will be permanently excluded. I'm on my own with him. His dad is useless. Before you pile in and tell me he deserves it. I agree! I absolutely despise drug use. I want to support him to make better decisions. He is really upset and worried about his future. I'm not sure what next steps are. Any advice would be great.

goldensyrupisshit Wed 27-Sep-17 07:50:07

I would try and work closely with the school and have a look at the FRANK website and sit down with your boy for an honest discussion give him a chance to off load. Teens are funny creatures my worry would be is he doing other drugs. flowers

Ryebreadandwine Wed 27-Sep-17 11:32:59

He's not doing other drugs as far as I know. I'm more concerned about whether he has a school place. I'm hoping I can manage the drug issue by grounding him, stopping pocket money and if I need to I'll pick him up and take him to school. He may not have a school place. He's digging his heels in saying he won't stop smoking or go to a pupil referral unit.

FannyFanakapan Thu 28-Sep-17 07:47:28

if he goes to a PRU, they will ensure he gets 5 gcses incl math and english, and they will advocate on his behalf to get into a 6th form.

Most 6th forms would have a zero tolerance for drugs also, so may not get in any other way.

In the meantime, you could speak to the school exclusion project - here who may be able to secure him a managed move to another school or get him back in on probation.

tbuss Thu 28-Sep-17 09:54:18


I can completely empathise with you. I faced a similar situation with my son in year 10 and it was very, very tough. We managed to come through it and I now have a much better understanding of teenage behaviour as my son is very open with me now. With hind site, I realise that cannabis use amongst teenagers is very common and I don't think schools are equipped to deal with it.

Up until the incident my son had been high achieving but a brief flirtation with cannabis meant that the school cast him out. It felt like a very harsh decision.

One of the approaches you could consider is to request a 'managed move'. Here is a link: We were able to take this route and it meant that our son did not have a school exclusion on his record. You may have to raise this with the school if they have not presented this as an option. We had to be very proactive and find a school in the local area that would take our son as his school provided very little support for either us, as parents, or to my son. Thankfully, our son had a very good record up until that date so one of the local schools took him.

I hope that helps and good luck.

Ryebreadandwine Thu 28-Sep-17 16:22:49

Thank you all. The school have been amazing. They have found him an alternative school which will be a managed move. The school are also providing him with ongoing support from those teachers he has built good relationships with over the years. They recognise these next few months are vital. They have also offered to complete his college reference for consistency. He is very lucky. I'm planning some private counselling to get him to address his cannabis use. He's grounded for the foreseeable. I will let him attend educational activities but on the whole I will be closely monitoring his free time. I know it's his own fault but I can't help but feel sad for the loss of friendships with his peers and staff.

TapasGirl Fri 06-Oct-17 15:40:50

Hi RBAW - I am so sorry you are in this situation. I was too earlier in the year and have a thread on here somewhere. I remember I was in such a bad place and couldn't see a way out.
We were very lucky that the School arranged a managed move, my DS took his GCSE's didn't do fantastically well but managed to get an Apprenticeship which at the moment he is doing amazingly well.
He too had counselling and has since been diagnosed with ASD so is in need of lots of support.
I just want you to know that you will all get through it. Your DS has a great mum who will help to steer him on the right path.

Good luck x

boysTOmen Sun 01-Jul-18 14:40:42

hello, I have just found this thread and wondered how everyone was doing now? if any one had any advice?

My 14 year old was permanently excluded with immediate effect last Wednesday for giving some older children some marijuana, they were caught smoking on the premises. It is an independent school. He was sought out by the school last September and offered a scholarship. They were aware of the background. He has had a troubled 13 years, alcoholic, narcissist father who was given until last Christmas to live. We have had in the past protective orders etc, he has had a tough time. I am appealing the decision but do not hold out any hope. These schools boast about their pastoral care but when a child makes a mistake they are discarded.
He has never been suspended or excluded from anywhere before.
I have contacted a ed psych and taken him to GP. GP is not worried, son spoke to him alone and admitted it's a recent discovery (two weeks) and he wanted to impress older boys by providing them with substance, which he got from old school friend. He had also been receiving images of a current fellow pupil self harming, it disturbed him alot, he didn't tell me this, he told the GP.
I will not make excuses it was a huge error in judgement and I'm sure he will learn from it but he is distraught and as his mother I will always fight his corner.
Any constructive advice is very welcome, thank you in advance.

Butterflybelly Mon 02-Jul-18 17:25:17

Hi boys. I’m not sure I’ll be very helpful but sometimes it’s good to know you’re not alone. My suggestion is to fight as hard as you can for him to be allowed back in to school. My ds didn’t have any drugs on him just the paraphernalia for smoking weed and he was permanently excluded. If I could turn the clocks back I would have fought the decision. My ds has been badly affected by the move. I’ve now had to refer him to child mental health services. It won’t be entirely as a result of exclusion but that didn’t help. Your sons school will hopefully be more understanding. If I could do it all again I would try to get as much support as humanly possible. Find out if any other child has been through the same and retained their place. That might set a precedence. Try to get someone or a body on side to support you. It sounds like your son has experienced a lot of difficult personal matters at a very young age. I hope all works out for you.

boysTOmen Tue 03-Jul-18 14:42:32

Thank you Butterflybelly, for taking the time out to read and respond. I'm so conflicted at this time as I honestly believe it was a very thoughtless mistake and I'd rather him be held to account by the school and given the opportunity to make ammends and at the same time I get that this IS the punishment. Its not nice to see, he's distraught.
Sadly I think the school will wash their hands, not on my doorstep attitude.

Interesting point about enquiring how they have dealt with such situations in the past, I wonder if they have to be transparent about it.

I am appealing and trying to get counselling as this incident must be a manifestation of an internal struggle that needs addressing.

I send you all the best wishes for you and your son and do hope you have support around.

thank you again

woodlands01 Tue 03-Jul-18 18:29:43

My experience - having drugs on you in school - fixed term exclusion (upto 5 days).
Supplying others with drugs (for money or not) - permanent exclusion. Potentially a safeguarding issue - the school needs to keep children safe and will remove anyone supplying drugs to others.

BarbarianMum Thu 12-Jul-18 09:09:18

Supplying drugs to other students is not a "thoughtless mistake" it's a deliberate action (no matter how ill thought out). I have never known a school that wouldn't exclude a child who supplies drugs to others (at our school use on school premises =permanent exclusion) but maybe the private sector is more lenient.

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