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Caught my DD watching porn!

(140 Posts)
candicemerlot Mon 21-Aug-17 19:36:55

Hello mums! So my DD, 16, has a laptop. My DH has installed K9 Web Protection on her laptop, so this blocks certain things such as pornography, certain youtube videos with age filters, gambling, violence, drugs etc.
Now she had left her laptop downstairs the other day, and I went on it to search for some caravans as my laptop was upstairs. When I began to search it came up with a list of suggestions that were very x rated? I went on her history and she had been visiting sites like xhamster and pornmd and watching only what I can describe as 'hard' pornography? Now if she was 18, I would not care, but it's the fact she's underage and I do wonder if 16 is too young? I get that kids do things now out of curiosity, and I am a very liberal parent, but the material she had been watching is in no way suitable for a 16 year old.
Also, I do not understand how she got on to these sites as when I tried accessing them on her laptop it was saying it was blocked? Now I am not tech savvy like the modern kids, so I don't understand how she did this? I want to tell DH but don't want to worry him.

Please mums say this is a regular thing, just don't want my DD to grow up too fast! sad

violicorn Mon 21-Aug-17 19:41:47

16 is fine. She's exploring her sexuality and legally could be doing it IRL. It's a hard thing to think about but which would be worse?!

wowbutter Mon 21-Aug-17 19:45:11

She can legally have sex. With your permission she can marry and join the army. She isn't a child any more. Let her grow up.

WinoholicDonna Mon 21-Aug-17 19:46:08

This is completely fine! Teens will be teens, Candice. You should not worry at all about this kind of stuff - everyone goes through the phase of looking at porn. Even when I was a child, I always looked through porn magazines with my friends! She's exploring her sexuality as Violicorn said and there's nothing wrong with this stuff. It's technically legal to have sex so why'd it not be to view this stuff! Aslong as she's not doing porn herself, I'd say it's probably fine.

And on the note about accessing the stuff - maybe you should ask your husband about that stuff? It could be she knows how to block and unblock stuff.

Much love, Donna xx

Youcanttaketheskyfromme Mon 21-Aug-17 19:48:14

Well I'm not being funny but legally she can do all of this stuff.

Just not watch it ..

Showandtell Mon 21-Aug-17 19:48:51

You can block porn through your broadband service provider if you want.

RefuseTheLies Mon 21-Aug-17 19:51:50

Have you talked to her about pornography in general?

cuirderussie Mon 21-Aug-17 19:52:22

Most mainstream porn is really grim and male-oriented though. Shaved pubes, no attention paid to female pleasure, anal presented as totally run of the mill and sex always ending with the woman's face being ejaculated on.I hate the thought of my dd watching it in a few years time. You need to let her know porn isn't real.

Moussemoose Mon 21-Aug-17 19:53:54

You need to have the 'you know it does not represent real life' conversation.
You need to make it really clear she can apply some intellectual criteria to it. Is she happy the people she is watching are not being coerced? She needs to be aware of the stereotypes and assumptions implicit with in pornography.

If she is not mature enough to have the conversation she is not mature enough to watch.

histinyhandsarefrozen Mon 21-Aug-17 19:56:03

There's no way I'd want my dc learning about sex from porn. I feel sorry for the young women who do. I'd have chats about porn, look at some anti porn sites, talk about erotica as an alternative. When she's out the home/18 she can do what she likes- but while under my roof etc etc.

Fauchelevent Mon 21-Aug-17 20:00:17

She's 16, not six. I'd be amazed if she hadn't already done real life experimenting, as she is legally old enough to do.

Dina1234 Mon 21-Aug-17 20:04:21

Kink is pretty common amongst young people these days. I wouldn't worry too much.

GinLoverSharon Mon 21-Aug-17 20:06:42

Unfortunately in today's world, all the porn kids come across is dangerous and degrading to women. I agree with @cuirderussie you need to explain to her that that sort of sex isn't real and that sex isn't meant to be like that! ( Unless you want it to be wink ) She's old enough to be making love and really, theres nothing you can do to stop her! We all remember what it was like to be teenagers! Get some new web protection, kids are smart and can probably guess your email!

Ohyesiam Mon 21-Aug-17 20:08:49

Talk to her about how different porn is to sex, about consent and body image.
I feell sad when I think of a generation of young women growing up getting sex education from porn, when porn is a crap imitation of sex, south varying degrees of misogyny thrown in.

histinyhandsarefrozen Mon 21-Aug-17 20:24:13

Most porn is made by men for men with graphic stereotypes of women, even mainstream stuff frequently features acts that are violent or derogatory to women.

so no I don't think it's "completely fine" that very young women are learning that sex is all about male pleasure- spitting, choking, bitch, easy anal etc etc. I think it's a shame. There are surveys - e.g. By the nspcc- that show how porn is affecting how young men and women feel they have to behave- and they make grim reading.

cuirderussie Mon 21-Aug-17 20:31:14

"Kink" - is that just a hip non-judgmental term like "sex positive", implying that those who provide a critique are just old prudes? hmm See also "sex worker".

LoyaltyAndLobster Mon 21-Aug-17 20:36:03

OP the best thing you can do is speak to her. I see that you have listed two websites, all I can think is perhaps someone has told her to go on to those sites?

SunshineAndSmile Mon 21-Aug-17 20:40:57

While it's perfectly ok for teens to be curious the normalisation and easy availability of hardcore porn is not ok and deeply damaging. What is available now is completely different to looking at porn mags or films back in the day. What sort of message does this give young people, especially girls, already under pressure to look like porn starts they are now under pressure to act like this as well. It is giving young people a very warped view of sex,love and relationships.

pinkoneblueone Mon 21-Aug-17 20:45:54

I keep finding out my 13 year old boy has been looking up stuff continually on his mobile despite blocking it with a parental app that emails me. I've had to block new sites regularly bing search engine allowed the in appropriate content through ant YouTube had shocking content on it too so that is now blocked too

pinkoneblueone Mon 21-Aug-17 20:48:49

*inappropriate

Showandtell Mon 21-Aug-17 21:28:04

Kink?? Is that a minimising word for porn?

misshelena Mon 21-Aug-17 21:37:31

You are overreacting. I discovered that DD1 was visiting porn sites when she was 11. When she was 13, I had to turn off her phone one night as she had fallen asleep while watching porn on her phone and masturbating. I know she had sex last year when she was 16. She is now a very well adjusted 17 year old high school senior who has lots of friends, is a varsity athlete and is in the top 5% academically of her class of 600 seniors. Your DD is fine. Probably has been watching (and more?) for a very long time already.

cuirderussie Mon 21-Aug-17 22:00:59

She isn't overreacting misshelena. No-one is saying it's wrong or unusual for young girls to be curious about sex, just that there is evidence that the unprecedented porn saturation of our time is having a negative effect on relationships, body image and sex lives of young people, and girls are suffering more.

Ttbb Mon 21-Aug-17 22:41:03

Kink means out of the ordinary sex acts/fetishes. So for example choking is a kink (although at the rate some people are going I'm not sure how long that will be the case. I tend to think of anal as a kink for example but a lot of people who are younger than me think it's completely normal sex confused

misshelena Mon 21-Aug-17 22:51:42

Eh, cuirderussie, we are just going to have to agree to disagree. I see sex, in any form (or kink), as long as it's consensual, as natural. Not everyone is satisfied with vanilla. The important thing for me isn't the type of sex my dds happen to enjoy, it's whether or not they are confident girls (and taking precautions).

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