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My daughter was sexually harrassed and nobody seems to care.(6 Posts)
Okay a bit of background. My daughter is waiting for an assessment for possible ADHD or high functioning Autism. Here we have a 3 school system first school 4-9, middle school 9-13 high school 13-16 & sixth form. She was fine in first school. Lots of friends really popular. Middle school was a nightmare she was bullied horrendously from the start in and out of school. I was in the school at least twice a week. It spread to outside school. I moved her to another school, she was a target again, hit, called horrendous name really bad she was off sick with stress, She cried in my arms and said she was a freak. She told her friends to ignore so they wouldn't be targeted by association. Her class teacher called the whole class in to tear them a new one for how badly they were treating her.That worked for about a week. Then a boy told her on the bus on the way home he was going to kill her when she went back to school. This kid had a reputation and he had already hit her several times. She said if she was sent back she would run away or kill herself. She was 12 when she said that. So middle school number three and a third house move later and more bullying. A girl pushed her down the stairs and kept saying one week she was her friend and the next treating her like dirt and then repeating. All this time I said I thought she was 'different.' She was showing signs of really high intelligence and really bad social and organisational skills. She could concentrate and take in huge amounts of details for things that interested her but couldn't take in a single sentence of things which didn't. I begged every school to listen to me but I was dismissed. They just said she needed to make more of an effort to fit in. Then high school. We are now in a different town and it's happening again!!! In and out of school. She has had boys following her around asking her if she is on her period and pinching her bottom and saying she has a dead pigeon in her locker. She went to school reception and asked to speak to the deputy head. She told them she had been sexually assaulted by a boy. They told her the deputy wasn't there and to go back to her lesson. I am b**dy furious. I have already been to the community support, these boys have been knocking my door and approaching her in the street. The school told me "we have told them if they do it again we will call their parents."
And now the sexual harassment. The receptionist didn't pass it on. I sent a letter to the school making a complaint about the receptionist. I also said if they thought I was going to let it go because it was the end of the school year they were wrong because there is no way the bullies were going to stop without serious intervention.
The police dropped it without asking me because the school told them they would sort it. But some of this is happening at weekends and in school holidays.
I am sorry for the long post, but I am so worn out from years of chasing schools to support my daughter who is clearly vulnerable and has a big target on her back because she is socially awkward. The only place she "fits" is the groups she attend for teens with autism and Asperger's. She hasn't received an assessment but she is just like them. All the traits are the same. They speak like adults, they don't get the teenage stuff. They can't relate to them.
I have had years of schools telling me she needs to try and fit in and years of me telling them that is victim blaming and she clearly can't fit in because she obviously has special needs which are being ignored by everyone but me. She shouldn't have to put up with this. As an adult woman if a male colleague touched my bottom and asked me about my period he probably wouldn't remain in his job. My daughter should get the same protection in her workplace.
And the holidays are no respite. I have boys making comments when they see me that I'm L***'s mum. And someone tried to take a photo of her when were in town. I feel like we could move to Mars and she would still get bullied. And then she takes it out on me. I have huge big screaming fits because she hates her life. And who can blame her!
Your poor DD. It sounds horrendous.
Write a log of incidents and go back to the police. They can't drop a case because of the school so you need to go back to the police and ask them to explain what has happened, preferably in writing so you have a record.
Can the groups that your DD attends, offer any advice or support in accessing adequate support at school? Do they have a corresponding support group for parents that you could attend? You sound isolated. Building up a peer group that understands and can offer advice would be helpful.
Thanks Gwen. I have experience of keeping records and logging things. I suppose I had better start again. Big sigh. I used to get DD to keep a record of everything that happened at school but she struggles so much with organisation that trying to do this and move classroom etc it's a lot.
I will get on to the police and remind them that I didn't drop it and as I'm not confident school are dealing with and it's continuing through the holidays I want it left open.
It's a good idea what you said about getting support from her groups. A lot of those kids have been bullied so a lot of the parents must have been through the wringer with schools as well.
this is awful. So upsetting for you and your daughter. Are there any schools in the area that would be better able to support her? Have you spoken with the council-perhaps the SEN Officer would be able to offer some advice? Worth applying for an EHCP and also DLA as you could use this money to invest in giving her more support or perhaps paying for her to join external clubs etc. so she is extending her social life away from school
Could this be ant help www.redballoonlearner.org/. Might also be worth calling nspcc for advice
That sounds horrendous.
I would home school until she gets her diagnosis and then apply for ehcp. I'm not a home education fan, but I could not let a child of mine go through that at an age (there are online schools that she can access but they're not cheap). Phoning the SEN dept in the local authority is a good idea, but if she's not got an ehcp there isn't much they can do.
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