18 yr old son - at a complete loss what more to do

[user1499162872]

Our 18 yr old son, who has some social anxiety issues, last night finally admitted to us he saw no point in trying to find full time work when he could stay at home for £20/week (he gets £57/week job seekers allowance and we ask for £20/week).
He was asked to leave F/T college last October for non-attendance and has just taken (3rd time) his English GCSE (he has 3 GCSE', Maths and 2 sciences GCSE's). We have arranged support and counselling for his mental health issues (via GP, college, local Family Youth Support, YoungMinds etc) - he arranges an initial meeting but refuses to attend, telling us lies. He is not happy but is not helping himself. He has three friends, the main one he sees comes from a troubles home who uses weed - we do not allow this young man in our house.
Our son just does not see the point of getting up nor looking for work. My partner and I have always worked and tried to encourage a healthy approach to independent living. He is not happy.
We have changed the WiFI password so he now has no internet. We do not pay for his mobile phone. We do not cook for him and we no-longer do any of his laundry - he does have a TV and landline phone in his room which we are thinking of removing.
We have a written signed 'House Rules' contract which he usually ignores when it pleases him. We have on occasion asked him to leave the house for a couple of days at a time. We have considered asking him to leave on a more permanent basis (we want him to be independent and happy) but we know he will stay with his drug taking friend and feel his is too vulnerable for this - we are pulling our hair out.
Any help??
Thanks

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

Sorry you haven't had any replies to this. You seem to be doing all the right things. I'm at a loss to suggest what more you can do. I'm going through some similar issues, although not quite as bad as you describe, and came on this board looking for some advice. Hopefully someone will have some constructive suggestions.

[Want2bSupermum]

I hope others who have been through this can advise on what has worked for them.

Personally I'd be telling him the £57 a week is yours for as long as he lives at home. If he wants spending money he needs to work for it.

A lot of people have a relaxed attitude to weed. I've had too many friends smoke it and have issues with depression, lethargy and other mental health issues. I think there has been this huge push to make it acceptable without considering that cigarettes would never have been made legal if the government had known what they know now.

[user1499162872]

Thanks for your support Darkly and Want2b. Our ds stayed out Sunday night (without letting us know) and again tonight, tho he did text at 10.20pm. We feel so impotent and just try to support each other (Partner). We do know that other parents have it worse but it's a daily effort that can be exhausting at times. Have started doing a bit more exercise (swimming and aerobics) which helps me to relax. Best of luck with your own 'darlings' :-)

[Want2bSupermum]

jamrock the friend the OP doesn't allow in the house is a big weed smoker. I can only assume from what the OP is describing her son is smoking too much. Today the weed available is very strong compared to what older people think of when they discuss weed and how wonderful it is. I've seen too many young people smoke it thinking it's like having a cigarette only to end up having all sorts of MH issues. As soon as they have been able to stop the weed a couple of months later the MH decreased significantly.

OP, I would be looking at taking £57 from him each week and have him earn it back from you doing jobs around the house and for your neighbors. I'd start there because right now he has more than enough money to buy weed. If he has to work for it he might see more quickly that it's a bad deal. I'd also be having a word with his GP.