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On the verge of letting go

(7 Posts)
onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Sun 25-Jun-17 23:34:41

If my 16 yr old son.
I adore him - we used to be so close. I always thought he would be the one from my two gorgeous boys I would be closer to -but he changed overnight when he hit puberty. It's a cliche but he went from being so so close to me being a happy endanger joyful member of the family ... to literally nothing. Age 15 silence fell. Then he started hanging out with the lowest common denominator group in our village - they are all crap - a single mother and her child whining doesn't go school, drug dealers, weed smokers.
He comes from a family of hard working respectable people - a group of incrediby well educated thoughtful people.
Then this weekend he fell out with the mother who runs the house where he hangs out - she accused his gf of stealing money - in an instant his friendship group collapsed - on the one hand this us good they are all losers / on the other - it's a huge loss to him - his friends mean the world to him,
I just don't know

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Sun 25-Jun-17 23:35:30

... how to help him anymore. He seems so sad

DancingLedge Sun 25-Jun-17 23:39:53

Just be there for him. Sympathise when things are going wrong.
I wouldn't be critical when he's down.
Be the warm, sane , safe bit of his world that he might just return to now.Welcome him back.

At16, he's probably quite close to becoming human again.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Sun 25-Jun-17 23:50:27

Thank you Dancing Ledge - I'm trying to be that person - supportive and kind ... even though I seem to be not anything close to what he particularly likes at the moment.
I'll keep going - I appreciate your words of support ....

Earlybird Mon 26-Jun-17 01:23:04

He comes from a family of hard working respectable people - a group of incrediby well educated thoughtful people.

Do you think this could have something to do with the friend group he has chosen? Perhaps he felt inadequate, like he'd never measure up so migrated toward a group where he wouldn't have to worry about such things. The weight of expectations (or perceived expectations) can cause a lot of pressure - so maybe he just opted out.

In the meantime, just be available to him in a supportive, loving and nonjudgmental way.

Pallisers Mon 26-Jun-17 01:27:51

Don't let go. Hang on. I have 2 teens and a slightly older one.

Tell him you are sorry things went wrong. Tell him you love him and think he is great and you want every good thing for him.

For now - and it will be hard - don't say anything like "of course this was going to go wrong etc".

He is so young yet. Mine are 15 and 17 and they still need a lot of support and love and a hell of a lot of us sucking it up.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Mon 26-Jun-17 08:15:24

Thanks Earlybird and Pallisers - sorry about all the spelling mistakes in my original post I posted it accidentally before I'd had a chance to correct any errors.
I won't give up on him. We are always kind and supportive and try not to be critical.
Earlybird yes it's possible that he's rebelling against us but we've always said we just want him to be happy and there's no expectation to be academic - his great grandfathers were respectable working class men in the trades and we speak proudly of them.
We've given him freedom too - tried not to be too strict, shown that we trust him, welcomed his friends into our home. Maybe this incident at this woman's house is a blessing - she turned on him quite viciously after being his 'friend' something no adult in his own family would do. I think it gave him a shock - he's a nice boy - he didn't expect it. Maybe it'll make him realise what these people are really like.

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