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Needy teenager

(4 Posts)
Zippydoodah Sat 24-Jun-17 22:54:47

I have always had massive problems in this respect with my dd, 13.

She is very demanding of my time.

Example, today, we go shopping in town for 2 hrs, just the two of us.

After dinner, she calls me in to watch a film on dvd even though I was already watching something on the other tv.

Tonight, she takes an hour and fifteen minutes to get ready for bed, getting distracted and keeping coming to talk to me even when in the shower.

It gets to the point that i end up telling her to leave me alone because I desperately need space which makes me feel horrible hut it's nearly twn and i just want to unwind and read and do my own thing .

Conversely, ds, 8, gets all of five minutes at bedtime. Dh practically gets told to naff off because i know he'll try it on later which is the last thing i need.

Dd is under camhs. She has anxiety and ocd. She has always been high needs. I know it's not normal as ds is more independent.

I am always permanently exhausted because of this behaviour. People tell me that I'll miss it when she is at the stage where 'she doesn't want to know me.' I won't and I wish because this would be normal and expected and i can have a life and spend some of my time on my own terms

Iluvthe80s Sun 25-Jun-17 09:27:49

Hi there. Sounds really exhausting and very difficult, as your daughter clearly cannot help the way she is, but understand your desire for time to yourself to wind down. We all need that!

Our DD who is 10, is currently suffering from anxiety so experiencing a little of what you are going through. She slept in bed with me last night, so cue lots of fidgeting! DH was relegated to her bed!

what kind of practical support is she being given and what support are you and the rest of your family being given? I just wonder if someone who really understands her condition could offer some advice on different tactics you could try that would help her understand that you love spending time with her, but equally that you need some space too. Does she have grandparents who might be able to offer you some respite? Could your DH offer more help, to either give you breathing space or to spend some time with your DS? Does she have a nice group of friends she could arrange to go to the cinema with perhaps or swimming.....if her condition would make that feasible.

Does your daughter get DLA? could you perhaps use that money in some way to put towards trips you might ALL enjoy including your son? Or perhaps do up her bedroom, maybe with a TV or comfy chair, so she can perhaps feel more able to spend some time by herself?

Sorry if you've tried all these things before, but we are going through some real issues at home with DS and have to make time for ourselves otherwise we would go crackers

MrsJayy Sun 25-Jun-17 09:37:13

Thing is it is her normal and it sounds bloody exhausing for you both tbf she doesn't want to feel like this and you don't want her hanging off you all the time, try and re set some boundry like the shower tell her to finish her shower then talk to you the film say no dd im watching this but tomorrow or whenever we can watch something together. My youngest dd was like this she has dyspraxia and that comes with anxiety and as a young teen i had to peel her off me so i had to set some new rules it is emotional hard though you have my sympathies flowers

Zippydoodah Mon 26-Jun-17 20:34:47

Hi. Thanks for the replies. No practical support yet. I don't think we'll get it, tbh. We don't have a statement or anything and I had to fight to get referred as it was.

The grandparents are a bit old to offer proper respite but very occasionally, she'll go out with a friend but that's the problem - outings are few and far between. I am frequently trying to encourage her to arrange things because she's at the stage where I don't know the mums and so can't arrange it for her (don't think it's really the done thing at secondary anyway).

I am trying to set some boundaries. Sometimes she is compliant with it. This week, it's not been the case and it's hard. I do believe it's stress related - end of year exams and a few friendship dramas.

Anyway, yesterday, i made a point of getting DS to choose a family outing (which was BORING and she wasn't going and wouldn't stay in the house either) and this morning, I got DS to choose tonight's dinner. I think a lot of the problem is that she has too much control and expects it now and it's not good for her. She needs reminding that there are four people in this house and it's not all about her.

I think a lot is teen stuff but, with the anxiety, I've got a cross between toddler like behaviour, too.

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