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Brother in Law sexually abused his daughter/my niece (VERY LONG STORY)

7 replies

BILMustDie · 23/06/2017 21:58

NC for this one as it will out me and my family. I suppose I just want some support and someone who might have had similar experience to tell me it's going to be okay. VERY LONG STORY.

My DNiece has had problems for a while. She was a very sweet kid and then got to 11 or 12 and turned into a nightmare. Ran away from school a lot. At one point she was going to come and live with me (many 100s of miles away from her mum and dad) but at the last minute it didn't happen. She passed very few GCSEs, dropped out of 6th form college and has spent the last couple of years sleeping all day and on the internet all night. Hasn't applied for any jobs or courses. My DSis was at her wits end.

DN was referred to a specialist MH service and finally got an appointment as massive waiting list. There wasn't one in the town they live in so on Monday my DSis, DN and my Dad (there for moral support) all trekked off to London in about 30'C to see the specialist psychiatrist. My DSis and DN went into the appointment and after some conversation, my DN made a reference to sexual abuse. The psychiatrist (absolutely correctly) got my DSis to leave so she could talk to DN on her own.

Well since then the world has ended. The police and social services descended on the family my bastard evil son of a bitch BiL was arrested. He apparently sexually abused my DN from aged 11 to 19. They nearly took my DSis younger teenage son into care but it seems they will leave him with my DSis (for the moment).

They have charged my bastard BiL with rape and he has pleaded guilty and was in court today. I don't think for one second he pleaded guilty to give my DN a break, I think he has done it because there is evidence and he thinks this will be a way to get a shorter sentence.

They have said that my DSis (who was only 20 when she met him) was also groomed by bastard BiL to not notice what was happening and that DSis is also a victim of him. My DSis needs to file for divorce and get herself sorted but as he was the breadwinner and she was a housewife, there are massive amounts of debt, and no way to be repaid.

My DSis is in a terrible way mentally. They were together for 22 years (minus 2 times when they separated) but had been 'happily' married for the last 10 years. She is in shock and I don't think she could hold down a job at the moment anyway.

My DN is 'not thinking about it'. She referred to the bastard as 'that trash' and I think that's putting it mildly. She seems considerably more talkative and animated than usual (not surprising I suppose!)

My younger DNephew survived 1.5 hours of being interviewed by police and child protection team and is being very stoic and saying he's fine.

I am feeling a massive amount of guilt about my DN being cast as the trouble maker for so many years. She has been through hell and we all blamed her. I have no idea if she will ever be able to lead a 'normal' life (study, get a job, have a relationship, etc)

I have spoken to a friend who worked in child's services and to another person who works for social services. They have given all sorts of good advice:
get legally estranged from him as soon as possible,
talk to CAB about getting debt management (£1 a week repayment type things),
talk to Welfare Rights about any benefit entitlement
get sick note from GP
get locks changed
get a restraining order in case he is released on bail (I don't know how likely he is to be released on bail)
Any other suggestions?

The bastard BiL was already under investigation by the police for downloading indecent images of 16-17 year old girls so I am really hoping they throw the book at him and he is locked away for life.

If I ever see him again I want to stab him with rusty scissors and then shove a red hot poker in his arse.

Please, is there anyone who has been through this sort of thing, or had family or friends who have? Is it going to be okay? Please be gentle!

OP posts:
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Iluvthe80s · 24/06/2017 14:58

I have not been through this, but sending you and your family best wishes. I hope you all get plenty of emotional and practical support.

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CrazyDuchess · 24/06/2017 15:06

I have not been through anything like this and I imagine you are in terrible shock.... but I think this thread is very detailed and possibly identifying, do you think it may be an idea to ask for this to be deleted and repost with a little less detail? Flowers

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JustDanceAddict · 24/06/2017 20:49

Omg that's horrendous. No advice, but Flowersfrom me. Hope they throw away the key - and he gets what's coming to him in jail.

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CountryLovingGirl · 24/06/2017 21:36

Awful. Your poor niece and sister. That poor girl will have gone through that for all those years and not dared to say anything. I wonder if she ever confided in anyone earlier?
I would want him out of their lives forever. How the hell could a man do that especially to his own daughter is beyond me.
I hope he is locked up for a very long time.
Your niece and sister will both need support and I hope that they both manage to rebuild their lives. Big hugs hun xx

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BILMustDie · 28/06/2017 10:51

Thank you for all of your comments. He has now been charged with rape (he pleaded guilty). I hope they will lock him up and throw away the key.

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hesterton · 28/06/2017 10:55

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Aandy · 24/09/2017 19:24

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