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Teenagers

15yr old DS failing at school

46 replies

CrabbyJo · 22/06/2017 18:50

I'm at the end of my tether, and don't know where to turn. DS 15 has always struggled with school. Unfortunately, like me, he's just not academic. Had a meeting with school and was agreed he'd attend 5 homework club sessions a week ( x2 lunchtimes x3 after school ) to help him catch up on work. But he "forgets" to go to most of them. I've had numerous long talks with him but it's just not sinking in. I'm getting calls at work at least weekly from his teachers but they're not offering up any solutions and claim he's just lazy. Aside from giving up work and escorting him to every session myself I don't know what else to do. Anyone experienced similar and/or have some advice?

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FlippinNorah · 22/06/2017 18:53

Pocket money for attending? Focus on rewarding effort rather than achievement for a while.

FlippinNorah · 22/06/2017 18:54

Reminders in his phone in case he's genuinely forgetful.

RebelRogue · 22/06/2017 18:54

The advice will differ depending on whether he's lazy,can't do the work,unfocused ,any SEN etc.
Are there any subjects he's interested in/better at?
What would he like to do when he "grows" up?

autumncolour · 22/06/2017 19:01

What does he want to do when he leaves school? Can you arrange some work visits or some work experience which would help give him some direction and motivation? Could the school help faciliatate a mentor scheme in whatever field he is interested in?

CrabbyJo · 22/06/2017 19:01

He has a chart at home for helping round the house at weekends and homework is included on it so attending homework club is a good idea to add to that.

I think he's got so far behind in some subjects that he's completely overwhelmed now by how much he has to do to catch up.

I've long suspected that he has some SEN but hasn't been had any assessments since primary which showed no problems.

He's very quiet, and young for his age in that he has school friends yet wouldn't dream of socializing with them out of school. He's happiest alone in his room which I know isn't helping. He's a bright boy and knows things I'd have no clue about but he just struggles with school work.

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CrabbyJo · 22/06/2017 19:03

He wants to be a carpenter some days, others a private detective Confused

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CrabbyJo · 22/06/2017 19:05

Mentor scheme sounds promising!

Some days I think the only option is to take him out of school and get a tutor. I suggested a tutor at weekends but his school laughed when I said it, pointless according to them.

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CrabbyJo · 22/06/2017 19:06

I text him twice today to remind he had a lunch and after school session. He hadn't taken his phone to school
Also reminders last night and this morning

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tiggytape · 22/06/2017 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrabbyJo · 22/06/2017 19:13

tiggytape that's so helpful, thank you.
I think he is disheartened, the work seems such a mammoth task to overcome now.
Could they have done a SEN assessment without telling me? As at the meeting they made reference to him having no SEN but surely they'd have to assess to know that for sure?

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tiggytape · 22/06/2017 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrabbyJo · 22/06/2017 19:31

tiggytape Ok I think I'll email them and request a proper assessment. If they refuse, do you know if it's something I could arrange myself? Sorry for all the questions.
When I initially agreed to the homework club ( just two sessions were offered at first ) I had assumed he would get support in the sessions but I now get the impression from DS that it's more like a detention and no actual support with the work.

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RebelRogue · 22/06/2017 19:40

Yes push for an assessment. Not just that, but don't dismiss the idea of a tutor just because the school did. If the issue really is him lacking previous knowledge and being unable to catch up,having the same things taught again 1 on 1 could really help.
Once upon a time my maths tutor thought i was completely helpless at maths and wouldn't pass my exams. I was lazy,didn't get it,i was messing etc. It's true,I didn't get it as I was lacking the basics,and no matter how much i worked,or tried,or memorised formulas and stuff I just couldn't do it. I had a brilliant tutor that not only helped me catch up 3 whole years,but kept me up to date with the stuff I was doing in class as well. Not only did i pass my maths exam,but with a pretty high grade as well.

autumncolour · 22/06/2017 19:55

I know how disheartening it can be when you seem to spend all your time worrying about the future. If he is interested in the areas you mentioned, then here are a couple of links so you/he can have a look at some possibilities for the future:

www.guildmc.com/consumer-advice/learning-a-craft.aspx

That one is for the Guild of Master Craftsmen, and has lots of links for courses, apprenticeships, competitions he could enter etc.

If he fancies being a private detective, would this sort of technical apprenticeship interest him????!

www.mi5.gov.uk/careers/opportunities/school-leavers

Totally agree with tiggytape about getting a proper assessment. Expect to have to fight for it. Don't give up!

What are his strengths? Are there any areas, inside or out of school, where he has been able to achieve - any achievement he feels particularly proud of?

Greenicicle · 22/06/2017 20:13

Read up on ADHD-Inattentive sub type. My dd slipped through the net until she was 17

MaisyPops · 22/06/2017 20:19

but they're not offering up any solutions and claim he's just lazy.
They are offering homework clubs.
It does what it says on the tin. It's a space to do homework (often used by students who struggle to manage their workload so they can get help MANAGING/PRIORITISING work). They are not free 1-1 tuition.

By all means push for an assessment. It sounds like a good thing to do.

Equally, maybe some mentoring from a senior member of staff / a teacher with gained time / an older student could be helpful to get him on the right track.

But I think you are unreasonable to expect homework club to basically be 1-1 or small group tuition and for staff to be going above/beyond when he's not been pulling his weight for some time.

SomeOtherFuckers · 22/06/2017 20:33

Every time he misses one. Punishment should be put in place. Every. Single. Time.

E.g.: no phone, no tv, no meeting friends.

He'll soon get the message.

Wolfiefan · 22/06/2017 20:37

Would school agree to the staff who teach him before these extra sessions giving him a reminder. May help.
Remove privileges if he's being lazy. But it may be that's he's finding it hard and has been avoiding it all for so long he now feels like he can't cope. Some teen boys are lazy. Some do a good act of seeming lazy whilst being actually really overwhelmed and scared.

CrabbyJo · 22/06/2017 20:43

Thank you for the links autumncolour that's very helpful.

Greenicicle thank you, I'll look into it.

MaisyPops I wasn't expecting it to be free tuition, I was saying I was given the impression it was homework support, not what is very much like detention to do homework!

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MaisyPops · 22/06/2017 20:45

Would school agree to the staff who teach him before these extra sessions giving him a reminder. May help.
That's not a bad idea.

As long as if there's an odd lesson where they forget because they're busy teaching he doesn't use it as an excuse or free pass not to go.

Then again I'm a bit old school and think that most of the time people should be pulling their weight in class (which may be different for different students before i get flamed!) before expecting people to start putting on extras.

MaisyPops · 22/06/2017 20:49

CrabbyJo
I could supervise a homework club. I wouldn't be able to offer help to a gcse computing student.

Often homework support groups are staffed by support staff as well, not teachers. Their purpose is to help students manage and organise work as well as a focused space to help students get it done without being distracted. I think what you're after is different aka someone to sit down and help with tasks.

Probably should be up front because I've been dealing with a student (and parent) who routinely contact one of my colleagues to explain away and justify their child's lack of homework and poor work in class, lots of school support in place but they have been demanding that his class teacher stays back and helps him with his homework each week because "you have to offer intervention". No. We don't. Not saying youre lile her but I'm a little jumpy and grumpy about similar issues at the moment.

CrabbyJo · 22/06/2017 20:49

I was told on Friday that one of two teachers would remind him of the sessions, they themselves admitted today that they've not done so at all this week.
MaisyPops he is trying to pull his weight but he's overwhelmed by the workload, thanks.

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CrabbyJo · 22/06/2017 20:51

I'm not expecting or wanting the work done for him.

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samlovesdilys · 22/06/2017 20:53

Have you spoken to his tutor/head of year? I just wondered if you gave lots of individual teachers contacting they may not have realised how seriously he is behind. Ask for all communication to come through tutor/head of year and ask fur a daily email. Is he PP? If so school will get extra money for him - how are they using it?
I would suggest a 'catch up' programme over the summer. Put together a timetable and ask staff for specific work to do - structure a couple of hours most days and reward work well done. That way, when he goes back in September he will feel more confident and school will see he wants to do well.
Mentoring is also a really good idea. Please though, talk to him, why is he falling behind? Mental health issues are commonly masked by 'switching off' so keep an eye out. Hope this helps...

MaisyPops · 22/06/2017 20:57

I second mentoring.

A summer catchup programme like sam suggests is also good. I've done a number of those for gcse students. It works really well if you can get a member of leadership to sit in on a mentor meeting between me and the students. The focus on on "this is what is required" and there are dates that the student has to be at certain points.

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