Dd won't wear proper bras

[Dancergirl]

Dd is 16 and I can't persuade her to wear proper fitting bras. She was fine getting first bras at 11 or so but as her bust has got bigger she's started to feel uncomfortable.

I'm guessing her size is around a 30DD/E or so which is bigger than she would like. So she really does need proper support.

Last year I managed to drag her into a Bravissimo (with help from a lovely MNer!) but she refused anything underwired and came out with a sports bra which has remained unworn.

She is currently wearing these:

www.dancedirect.com/uk/product/mbb1

They do the job of squashing everything down so she appears smaller. But I don't know how much actual support they provide and the material is thick and bulky so not good in hot weather or under strappy clothes.

I know it's important to have proper support and I have tried to talk to her sensitively about it but she won't discuss it.

And I know she wouldn't even consider bra shopping with friends either.

Any advice please?

[HeyRoly]

Ah, leave her be. I gave up wearing underwired bras for exactly the type of bras you describe (and lace bralets) and it's been life changing. So comfortable!

[Fairylea]

I think you have to let her get on with it. Lots of larger busted women don't like to wear proper bras. I'm a 32G and I have 2 bravissimo bras for special occasions and most days I bum about in a Tesco value special that's actually a size 34F but is more comfortable. They've said pregnancy and breastfeeding has more to do with changes in shape etc than bras- and to be honest why should we feel the need to keep our boobs as perky as possible? You've explained to her about bras that fit, you've done your bit, I would just let her wear what she likes.

[Dancergirl]

I just worry in case there are long term risks associated with not having proper support, back/shoulder pain etc. And it can't be good for breast tissue to be squashed rather than supported....?

[anyadvicehelps]

Aww... I went through the same, I have an even bigger size and it took me years before I felt comfortable enough to get a proper bra. In the end it's a question of 'biting the bullet' I'm afraid.

My experience is that most bras that fit other people comfortably do not work for my size at all (even when they are offered in the right size), so make sure you don't presume what will be best for her in this case unless you have a similar issue. Perhaps some minimizing bras (wired) would be the most comfortable- I stick to those usually.

Since she's 16 maybe just let her figure it out? Good luck to her!!

[OhDearToby]

I never wear a "proper" bra.

At the moment I've got this on, super comfy and surprisingly supportive.
tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/p/Nude-Seamfree-Crop-Top/130807347-Nude

Proper support doesn't need to mean underwires and cup sizes. Her boobs won't fall off or end up by her knees! If she's happy and comfy thats the important thing.

[ElspethFlashman]

Leave her be.

They won't do any harm, honestly. I wore one of them for a couple of years breastfeeding and I'm about the same size. Yes you do look like a pancake but they are supportive and far far far more comfortable than real bras.

[Greenifer]

I really don't think it is that big a deal. Let her wear whatever she is comfortable in. They are her breasts and she will not damage them by wearing something stretchy and comfortable. Also, you do realise 30DD or E is not really that big, don't you? I am a 30F and find it perfectly comfortable without a bra. It's not as big as it sounds!

[JigsawBat]

Have you tried other shops? I'm a G cup and for a long time I wore sports bras full time because I couldn't find anything comfortable or supportive.

I've since discovered that M&S do some wonderfully supportive bras, without underwires, for larger cups.

I found that a lot of specialist bra shops were very much tailored towards smaller cups, even though you'd think they'd accommodate all sizes. Often the choice for larger cup sizes was limited, and they were uncomfortable, because frankly our larger cups are not suitable for those beautiful bras that suit smaller sized women, so they're less of an eye-catching selling point on the shelf.

[Ceefax101]

My large busted 16yo also hates bras but has gender issues. Will only wear a binder, which is hot and uncomfortable or nothing at all. When she would consider bras I got the m&s soft sports bras.

[rizlett]

I read a study the other day which suggested that wearing bras actually made your nipples lower over time than being without a bra and there's plenty of evidence which says that underwiring can affect your lymph system.

[Dancergirl]

Thank you, I will leave her to it then.

jigsaw not much point, she wouldn't be interested. I'll leave it up to her.

[Branleuse]

just leave her to it. The bras/crop tops she wears look absolutely fine and comfortable, and there is absolutely no health reason to wear a normal bra

[slug]

My DD is a similar size and reluctance to admit how booby she is. We've got around this by developing an unhealthy obsession with the BraStop sales.

Being able to try them on at home and wear for more than 5 minutes under many outfits before making a decision has taken much of the teenage embarrassment out of the whole process. Yes, about 5 out of ever 6 purchased goes back, but we have had some successes and she's gradually coming round to the realisation that a good bra makes a huge difference to her back, chest and posture.

[Heratnumber7]

I've worn a bra all my life. It hasn't stopped my boobs from sagging now I'm approaching 50

I think you can use all the supportive undergarments you can find, but you can't beat nature.

[Dancergirl]

Thanks all.

slug we have been through online ordering from various different places and sending everything back. Dd put strict restrictions on the type of bra she will consider - got to be plain white, no patterns, no lace, no fancy bits, no underwire.

I was more worried about any potential health problems rather than sagging but if this isn't an issue then it's up to her.

[user1498058162]

Hi OP
Have you thought about going on a shopping trip together? Victoria's Secret have a younger store called PINK who have sports type bras, not underwired as such but a little stiffer at the bottom which are great for support. They call them lightly lined. They also do a great range of cross over sports bras,

www.victoriassecret.com/pink/bras-lightly-lined/cool-comfy-wireless-lightly-lined-bra?ProductID=338346&CatalogueType=OLS

In the stores they have lounge wear, cute sports active wear so it might take the pressure off going into a purely underwear shop, and you can make a nice day of it together.

[Dancergirl]

Have tried user! When we went to Bravissimo we made a day of it, had a nice lunch out, bought her new trainers etc to take the focus off the bra buying. But she closed up, refused to engage with the Bravissimo fitter and didn't want to discuss it. I can't really do any more, I'll just respect her wishes.

She quite likes online shopping for other clothes so maybe one day when she's ready she might try a bit of online bra shopping.

[Crabbo]

I switched from proper bras to crop tops or non-wired bras (the bonds triangle type ones...) when I was pregnant and I'm never going back. I can't believe I put up with underwires all that time, the comfort now is amazing.

[PossumInAPearTree]

M&s do comfy, non wired bras. Dd is a dd cup and will only wear these.

[Quadrangle]

I think the crop top you posted is ok. As long as it isn't too tight it will still be providing support.

[MagdalenNoName]

I think it's useful to have one bra that will do for exercise - sport/running etc. So if not wanting to wear a bra is stopping somebody from doing healthy activities they might otherwise enjoy, then it is worth shopping around.

[Loopytiles]

There're no health reasons behind the cultural expectation to wear bras with "proper support".

[Loopytiles]

Yes, just order a load online and she can try them on in privacy.

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

Bravissimo have non wired options and a newish "sleep bra" that is a soft crop top style for big boobs that might suit her.

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

Plus some of the sports bras may suit her.