Just feel so sad

[Romain1]

Name changed
Ds2 is suffering from depression. Until this year he was involved in asport which meant the whole family were involved. Weekend competitions etc. Because of the depression he has given up which we accept. But I just feel so sad. He loved it so much. It was his life. His best mate just got promoted which was ds,s goal last summer. I know life moves on . I know it is ds,s choice . But really it's depressions choice. That's why I feel so sad

[Romain1]

Sorry that sounded really self indulgent. That's not what I meant to do. I also fully respect his decision to quit. Living with a teen who is depressed is hard.

[Romain1]

I really feel sixth form has destroyed my son. Know I need to be strong for him. But I feel as in I am caught betweeen a devel and a hard stone. I need to be strong for me too

[Applepickle]

Name changed too.

I just wanted to say I've been there with my DS2 and I sympathise. It's horrible to see how this illness affects teenagers. Mine became very ill during sixth form and his exams were badly affected. Three years on he is recovering, but it's taking time. It's very, very hard.

Yes you do need to be strong for him and it sounds like you are, but you must look after yourself too

[AvaCrowder2]

I feel for you. Would your ds see a doctor? He shouldn't have to suffer, poor lad. If it's just 6th form do you think he might feel better when it's finished. It's such a short time, if you can hang on to that time frame, still shit for him. What do you think?

[Romain1]

Thanks for replying. He is planning to leave at the end of term. We have lots of people involved but all assessing and no real intervention other than ad,s as yet.

[AvaCrowder2]

Some people just do better out of school, there are still career options and a future for him.

I hope this is the case for your ds, I feel for you both. Keep posting if you need support to help him through.

[Romain1]

Thanks

[Angelicinnocent]

My DS left 6th form at the end of the first year and 1 year on, he has a brilliant job that he loves with a part time college course and couldn't be happier. I think society is telling DC that they need to do a levels, followed by university because that is the way it works. There are other paths to better futures and they need to do what makes them happy.

[Paninotogo]

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I never thought it at the time when my DS was in his darkest days. A few years ago I could have written your post (and probably did under a different username) Now he is at uni and things are going really well. School very nearly destroyed him, and our whole family. Today we are all happy.

[Romain1]

Thanks. It's good to hear others have come out the other side. A year ago I wouldn't,t have predicted we would be where we are now.

[UsedToBeAPaxmanFan]

Our ds had horrendous depression through 6th form. The school was brilliant and arranged counselling, put him on a reduced timetable etc bit ds wouldn't engage, refused to leave his bedroom, didn't attend the counselling or the lessons. He eventually dropped out in Year 13 and then spent the next 6 months in bed. He just wouldn't participate in life or engage with anyone. He was suicidal snd so angry - with us, with the world, with everything.

I honestly couldn't see a future for him. I thought he was unemployable and on a self destruct mission. It was heart breaking but also very difficult for us and for ds2 to live with.

Eventually I insisted that ds1 got a job, any job, just something that would give structure to his days. So he got a part-time, zero hours retail job. The difference we as amazing - within w weeks he became a happy, engaged (and engaging) teenager who was a delight to be with.

After a few months he got himself a proper job in the customer service department of a large organisation. He lovest it. He has also re-engaged with lots of his friends who went to uni. So he has a great social lof especially in uni holidays. But he doesn't regret not going to uni at all.

For ds1, school and an academic career just wasn't working. Whilst I would never say that the answer to all depressed teenagers is to get a job, it certainly worked in our sons case. I think that once the pressure of school and A levels was off the table, he was able to see a future.

I really hope things work out for you and your son OP.

[t875]

Yeah same here, DD has been through this when she hit year 10 and is doing a lot better. It does make you sad I know what you mean as been there. I guess like for the here and now and one step at a time, you never know this time next year he could be loads better and can think about doing the group, he may well want to him self, maybe within 6 months, we have seen a big difference in dd in 6 months. If you can afford to go private I would do as its a big wait for CAHMS well it was here. Thinking of you x

[Paninotogo]

I agree with others, school/education is not the only route. My son did stay in school after a brief stay in a hospital. He was on a much reduced schedule, the school really were fantastic. He also took time off to travel (and sleep) and eventually decided he did want to go to university. We kept telling him (and ourselves) it is not a race.

[Romain1]

Thanks everyone. School have been really helpful, at least they have since we highlighted problems. However he says he is definitely leaving at the end of term. Various services are just coming on board.
It does take an enormous toll on everyone though. It feels as if we verse from everything is fine to high tension at the flick of a switch.

[Romain1]

Sorry meant to add it helps to hear others have gone through similar and come out the other side

[t875]

good luck for him, please keep us posted, the hardest thing was not feeling like i had anyone to talk to or understand come back here for support. x