My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

DD self-conscious about skin colour

11 replies

TheSecondOfHerName · 20/06/2017 22:45

DD is nearly 13. She is quietly confident and her self esteem has always seemed good, but she is the sort of person who prefers to blend into the background rather than being in the spotlight.

She is white, with the kind of fair skin that doesn't really tan (this is relevant). She has medium brown, slightly auburn hair. The girls in her close friendship group all come from families of South Asian or Middle Eastern origin.

It was a hot, sunny weekend where we are, and she told me that she wants to get a tan so she doesn't look so different from her friends. She feels that she stands out in group photos & selfies. She feels self-conscious.

I asked her if anyone has ever said anything about her skin colour, and she said that they occasionally snake observations about how pale she is, but not in a horrible way.

I pointed out that she is not the only white girl in her class, and she says that the others are blonde, so it's OK for them to be pale. I have spoken to her about sun safety for her type of skin, and she has agreed not to try to get a tan. I said that she could use fake tan when she's older, but that her skin colour is perfect for her, and that I hope she will learn to love it.

Is there anything else I can do to help her to accept herself the way she is? Or is this self-consciousness about appearance just an inevitable part of being an adolescent?

OP posts:
Report
TheSecondOfHerName · 20/06/2017 22:46

'Snake' was supposed to be 'make'

OP posts:
Report
userofthiswebsite · 20/06/2017 22:52

I know how that is. I am super super pale, the sort where almost all foundation ranges don't carry any foundations pale enough for me. A consultant recently asked me if I was albino, I was like, no just super pale. I'm an adult and it bothers me, purely because of things like looking as though you are sick if you go out without makeup, every blemish and insect bite is so much more noticeable etc etc. I too wish I were less pale. I did once consider being a fake tan person and though I've played with a couple of shower or lotion tanners once or twice it'd be a real pain to do it constantly. Sorry no advice there but I empathise from experience.

Report
Quadrangle · 20/06/2017 22:55

I was the same and got comments. Could she get blonde highlights if she thinks it's ok with blonde hair?

Report
TheSecondOfHerName · 20/06/2017 22:59

Thank you, that is helpful. Part of me thinks she should be a bit more resilient, and stop complaining about a non-problem (especially in relation to people from racial minorities who are experiencing daily discrimination and abuse). But the other part of me thinks that she rarely complains about anything, so this must be really bothering her.

OP posts:
Report
TheSecondOfHerName · 20/06/2017 23:01

Blonde highlights are something she could try over the long school holidays, to see if it makes her feel more confident and less 'weird-looking' (her words).

In an ideal world, I'd like her to be happy with the way she looks naturally.

OP posts:
Report
BrexitSucks · 21/06/2017 20:22

Where I'm coming from, in saying this, is that in high school I was the only WASP girl hanging out with Mexicans & AfricanAmericans. They were my closest or maybe only buddies. Oh, and the Jewish friend who was also half-Mexican.

So if she was mine, I would say "Well what did you expect? You know your'e different. That's fine. Make a feature of it. They like you because you're you & not because you simply fit in. They are cool with you being exactly like you are."

Report
TheSecondOfHerName · 21/06/2017 20:29

BrexitSucks I love that attitude and message; thank you!

OP posts:
Report
BayLeaves · 21/06/2017 20:34

I feel the same as userofthiswebsite but I'm trying to be more positive about it.

Firstly, I would rather slather myself in Factor 50 and stay pale knowing that I will probably stay more youthful than people who tan.

Secondly, if/when she wants to start wearing makeup, especially foundation, help her find a good foundation and concealer that matches, and nice shade of blusher that suits her colouring.

Another thing that might be good inspiration is to look up some glamorous pale skinned celebrities. Kate Winslet, Dita Von Teese, I'm sure there are more...

Report
BayLeaves · 21/06/2017 20:36
Report
Drybonesthatdream · 22/06/2017 14:44

As long as she looks after her skin why not try a light spray tan? They do wash off, and a professional doing it instead of self tanner would be better. She might not like the colour once she tries it!

Pale and proud here though! I have naturally almost black hair, blue eyes and porcelain/ivory foundation is too dark for me.

Report
specialsubject · 25/06/2017 13:08

If she lived in Asia she would be the object of envy for her fairness. And while girls aloud are long gone, the pale one in that was the only one recognisable, the others were clones.

Lesson is to stand up to childish comments about looks, boring subject anyway. It is also a useful skill to shut down a dull conversation politely.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.