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Hyper sensitive mum?

(6 Posts)
toomanycatsonthebed Mon 19-Jun-17 15:02:50

Hello,
I've posted here before about my DD (19 now!). I just want some sane reassurance. I'm a single parent to twins, 19. I've also had my self-assurance knocked by dx of cancer leading to loss of sight in 1 eye.

It seems like it requires the hide of a rhino to parent teens and I have the opposite plus I am never quite sure how to 'do' parenting... Today she appeared from her pit at 2pm asking to be taken to the nearest large town (40 mins away) to buy herself some summer clothes. This is my day off this week and I have both leisure and chores planned. And its 30c here. So I said no but offered to take her to nearest Tesco and New Look shopping precinct. Now doors are slamming and she's sulking up a storm. Her moods really swing depending on sleep and work schedule. She's sulking too because her mates are off to Glastonbury (she decided not to go this year).

I feel like a horrible mum. The sulking hurts me. I worry I'm mean and then it spirals into fears that we won't be close ( she goes to uni soon) and I should take every opportunity to spend time with her. In other areas of my life I am strong and effective!! But I feel my daughter takes me for granted and is blooming slack around the house. I really admire those no nonsense mums who just crack on with it and have great relationships with their kids.

feelingoldandtired Mon 19-Jun-17 20:19:04

I absolutely love my daughter to bits but she sounds like yours self obsessed and picks and chooses when she wants me. I love spending time with her but sometime feel used as it's always when she wants something money lifts etc.....

Delancy Mon 19-Jun-17 20:26:33

She will come back to you later, when she's older.
If you just explain the reasons why and suggest another date/time then you're doing your bit of keeping the communication open during this tricky phase.
Just always try to stay friends with her, keep open communication, share some of your own thoughts and fears with her, avoid unnecessary criticisms, start to treat her like a friend essentially. Eventually she'll become one.
Oh and develop a very thick skin for the meantime!!

Squishedstrawberry4 Mon 19-Jun-17 21:01:35

You can't take her today. Discuss when you can take her. Ask her if there's anything else she would like you to help with and look at future dates. Pencil them in the diary. Take her for coffee while youre out. Or a walk.

Blanketdog Mon 19-Jun-17 22:49:25

Explain to her that you don't respond no well to sulking and slamming doors....a more adult response involves planning, dicussing, compromising - reward her when she uses these skills, ignore the toddler approaches to getting what she wants.

toomanycatsonthebed Tue 20-Jun-17 10:50:11

Thank you all. She eventually burst into tears and came into my room to talk....It is suchs roller coaster.

I really appreciate your feedback - it's helpful to get other perspectives.

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