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DD12 and school detention

(8 Posts)
Rojak Wed 31-May-17 19:23:13

DD12 is in Year 7 and has for several weeks complained that a group of girls are making fun of her over her makeup (she has just started experimenting).

However last week, she called me from school in floods of tears because on a group chat, they were calling her ugly, said she was only putting on makeup to make herself look attractive. Two of the girls also took her schoolbag and put it in the bin.

I called the school to see if they would nip this in the bud & got a call from teacher saying all girls including DD were going to get a detention.

DD because she had retaliated and written on the floor (in water) something nasty about one of the other girls.

I don't have a problem with this as it means all being treated equally and punished.

However I find out today that DD has been given an hour detention and the other 2 girls 30mins.

Would I be unreasonable to call the school tomorrow to find out why they're not al being punished equally?

noblegiraffe Wed 31-May-17 19:27:25

Seems reasonable. Start with 'I support DD getting a detention but I'm unclear as to why she is being punished more harshly and I hope you could explain'.

Rojak Wed 31-May-17 19:41:58

Thanks - good point to open with that

elevenclips Wed 31-May-17 19:46:43

I would just accept it. Tell your dd to just sit through it and get it over and done with. The school have decided on this and you just need to get through it. I'd want the teachers to be educating rather than having to investigate behaviour and sanctions like this.
Work with your dd to figure out strategies to tackle people being mean to her.

Wolfiefan Wed 31-May-17 19:50:57

I don't think you can really go in and complain about the length of the detention given to a child that isn't yours. The school can't discuss sanctions where they don't apply to your child.
But you should go in and ask about what they are doing about the bullying.
And I would stop her wearing make up to school. In Y7? Many schools wouldn't allow it at all.

noblegiraffe Wed 31-May-17 20:25:14

It's not complaining though, it's asking for clarification. It's possible the OP's DD did something else that she isn't aware of, or that an error has been made, or that the school aren't fully aware of what the other girls did.

If the DD doesn't understand her punishment then why not ask?

Rojak Wed 31-May-17 20:53:16

I don't want her wearing makeup to school either but I'm picking my battles - the less I say about makeup, the quicker she gets over the novelty. It's a bit of mascara and some eyebrow shadow and a lot of girls at that age are all experimenting with make up in school and out of school.

Rojak Wed 31-May-17 21:01:52

When the teacher rang me to say they would all be punished, she said she had to punish all the girls to be fair so I'm wondering what's changed.

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