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Teenager not wanting to come on holiday

(76 Posts)
littlemissangrypants Sat 27-May-17 11:37:46

For the second year running my 17year old son is not wanting to come on holiday with us. He doesn't want to leave his girlfried (new one to last year btw) so wants to stay home.
We have no family here. His dad had him staying over last year at £200 babysitting money for week but this year is refusing. He has no overnights either and little contact now.
Ds dad has offered to pop over 'sometimes'. My best friend will be on end of phone if ds needs anything. His dad is bleating on about our baby being left alone but wont have him anyway.
I don't know what to do. The options right now seem to be me staying home and dp and my 16 year old going on holiday without me (dp not keen as he's only a step dad and worried). Other option would be asking sons friends and parents for sofa surfing options and maybe asking his girlfriends parents for a couple of nights.
We need a break. Partner has had a very busy work year, little time together so he needs to go. Younger son is doing GCSes and has had to work very hard due to disabilities so could do with a break. I have a heart condition and am not feeling well mentally at moment so could use a break as well.
What should I do? Forcing older son in car will not work as he is likely to get violent. He's a good kid really but has a nasty temper when forced to do things he doesn't want. Another thing to add is that he is likely to have to resit year 12 as he is likely to have failed his math a level.
Sorry it's long. Didn't want to drip feed .

AntigoneJones Sat 27-May-17 11:39:49

You would have to give his dad £200 'babysitting' money for him to look after his own teenager? Did I get that right?

Crispsheets Sat 27-May-17 11:41:37

Leave him at home. My DD never came on holiday after 15.
Make sure you lay down ground rules.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans Sat 27-May-17 11:43:33

Is there a specific reason he couldn't cope in the house alone?

littlemissangrypants Sat 27-May-17 11:44:40

Yes I paid £200 babysitting money last year. Before that I paid for every access visit. £20 a pop for every saturday plus food on top.
I only get maintenance when ex doesn't have a stag do or holiday or fun event planned with his girlfriend.
When I stopped paying for access visits ex stopped seeing kids as often.

AntigoneJones Sat 27-May-17 11:45:48

well its not 'babysitting' is it?

donajimena Sat 27-May-17 11:46:05

I was left for a month at 17 when my parents went to the states. Could he cope alone?

GardenGeek Sat 27-May-17 11:46:39

Hes 17. You enjoy your holiday grin

Its good to have space at that age. I remember I used to skip some holidays myself at that age, just so I could have a bit of space and peace in the free house.

Just tell him not to have a party and that his dad will be popping in unannounced here and there even if he wont be

Leavesandburies Sat 27-May-17 11:46:42

I'd be gutted if mine were so ungrateful to refuse a family holiday even at 17. My sister and I would never have turned down something like that, that our parents both needed and saved so hard for. Holidays are amazing, what sort of stuff do you do? If you insist on dragging him to visit cathedrals for the whole holiday I understand but some water sports, lounging around a pool or on the beach, BBQ's, visiting beautiful villages, local bar scene (for 17yr old) etc should still be still great. Could you bring the girlfriend?

littlemissangrypants Sat 27-May-17 11:48:10

I think ds would be ok. He can cook for himself. His friends are fairly good kids. No drugs or anything but they do all drink. Ds knows what to do in event of accident or fire. He can look after the animals.
I'm mostly worried as we would not be able to get back fast as we are going to scottland. He will be 18 in december so still technically a child so I'm not sure if it's legally iffy to leave him.
Ds is also not one for big parties or anything and my best friend would only be 10 minutes away by car.

AnyFucker Sat 27-May-17 11:49:03

Mine have been left home alone since age 16

He is old enough to leave home. Stop babying him. Your life will simplify immeasurably.

Gooseygoosey12345 Sat 27-May-17 11:49:26

Honestly just leave him at home. There are people close by should he need anything. He's 17, if he's going to uni next year it's not a bad idea to give him some independence now. Enjoy your holiday smile

cowbag1 Sat 27-May-17 11:49:38

Is there a reason he cant be left on his own? Do you trust him enough to be in the house by himself? I was left several times whilst my parents went on holiday when I was that age.

AnyFucker Sat 27-May-17 11:49:44

Oh, and we went abroad so at least a 4 hr flight away

Crunchyside Sat 27-May-17 11:51:24

It sounds like he's being a bit of an arse for outright refusing to go on holiday with you, to the extent that the only way of bringing him would be physically forcing him! Surely at that age he should give a shit about your feelings too. It seems so ungrateful to turn down a family holiday. And presumably at some point in the next couple of years he'll be moving out, you should be able to enjoy some family time together before then sad Can he not be reasoned with, have a proper grown up chat about everyone's feelings? And if he presents his side of things and he's considered your feelings but still thinks that staying at home with his girlfriend is the right thing to do, then fair enough - he should be fine on his own at that age - but if he's just being ungrateful or confrontational then maybe you need to try and get through to him that it's not nice behaviour?

littlemissangrypants Sat 27-May-17 11:51:49

Holiday is pretty chilled. A lodge on Loch Ness with hot tub. He doesn't have to come along on visits but it has no internet access which is part of the reason he wont come along.
We have been to same place for years so son knows the area well and does like it but girlfriends are more important. We do not have space in lodge for girlfriend to come along otherwise we would do that.

LadyMonicaBaddingham Sat 27-May-17 11:51:54

And there's no 'legal' excuse unless he's likely to be a danger to himself...

LIZS Sat 27-May-17 11:53:37

Could they stay somewhere nearby? You do realise he has plans for spending the week with gf.

PaintingByNumbers Sat 27-May-17 11:53:48

a 16 year old can bring up a baby by themselves in their own flat, an almost 18 year old is definitely fine left alone legally speaking. not sure how I would feel about leaving mine to trash the house though.
can he stay with any friends?
if you are happy he wont trash.the house though, go for it. he will enjoy the freedom.

Noeuf Sat 27-May-17 11:54:25

To be fair op that could be quite boring at 17. I'd leave him unless he has additional needs he couldn't manage or you don't trust him.

RJnomore1 Sat 27-May-17 11:54:34

I'm leaving my 17 yo this summer. She's away 5 days with duke of Edinburgh but the rest of the time she will be home on her own. It's only iffy if you're leaving them looking after younger children or without resources to get food or something like that.

AnyFucker Sat 27-May-17 11:54:53

Honestly, if you were my friend I would tell you not to be such a wet lettuce.

Leave the whinger at home. The last thing you need on holiday is a lovesick teen with a face like thunder

Noeuf Sat 27-May-17 11:55:09

Invite the girlfriend?

Vanillamanilla1 Sat 27-May-17 11:56:32

Id leave my 16 year old at home if he didn't want to come and trust him completely
However I wouldn't leave my 20 year old as I don't trust his mates and they would literally wreck the joint
Tbh if you trust him enough to be left then I would do that ... He'd only be grumpy and miserable the whole time you're away

TheWildRumpyPumpus Sat 27-May-17 11:57:17

I can understand why a 17 year old doesn't want to spend a week without internet access in a lodge he's been to lots of times before.

My brother and I stayed home from about 15/16 and my parents took my little sister and a friend instead. Everyone had a much better time!

Is he off to uni next year?

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