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Who to take on holiday? WWYD?

(24 Posts)
Euphemia Fri 26-May-17 21:40:32

DD (14)'s friend came on holiday with us last year. We're scheduled to go away again this summer.

Problem is, the girls have grown apart. Things became awkward and difficult between them over the past few months, and DD was beginning to dread the holiday. We got together with friend and her mum and all agreed it's best if friend doesn't come with us.

My dilemma is now whether to try to find another adult to take her place, or for DD to see if another friend can come instead.

The latter would be best for DD, but I don't want the friend upset further by feeling ousted!


saoirse31 Sat 27-May-17 01:04:18

Why do u have to take anyone? Surely holiday is time to chill with family?

MrsJayy Sat 27-May-17 01:07:47

I wouldn't take another friend 14 year olds are really sensitive and if she heard about it she could be really hurt, if you have to take somebody so you dont lose money on the holiday take an adult

MrsJayy Sat 27-May-17 01:09:13

Are you just going you and her ?

khajiit13 Sat 27-May-17 01:13:14

I wouldn't take another friend of your DD. It would feel quite exclusive

PeaceOfWildThings Sat 27-May-17 01:20:00

Just the two of you. It might be the last time you get the chance to really get some time together for a while, as teenagers do need their space and she will make other friends, in time. It will allow you to both do what you want to do, either plan out the holiday together or be spontaneous. 14 is a grand age to help plan holiday itinerary! smile

Euphemia Sat 27-May-17 05:12:20

Oh sorry I wasn't clear. The holiday is me, DD, DD's friend, my mum and my auntie. The five of us also went last year.

Euphemia Sat 27-May-17 05:24:04

Also, when we talked to friend and her mum I said I'd need to contact the holiday company to see what it would cost for one person not to go, and that if it was a lot I would think about who could come instead: a friend of my mum or my auntie, or one of DD's other friends.

DD had a great time last year having a pal with her and I know she wouldn't enjoy herself as much with us old folks. grin

She and I have been away loads of times just the two of us, in the UK, Europe and the USA. Great holidays, but this is a different type of holiday.

Fifthtimelucky Sat 27-May-17 10:49:19

What was said when you discussed with the friend and her mother? If you all openly discussed the fact that the two girls no longer get on so it would be better not to go, I can't see the problem with inviting another friend.

If on the other hand you made up some sort of excuse e.g. about not having room, so as not to hurt her feelings, then it would be difficult to ask someone else.

Fifthtimelucky Sat 27-May-17 10:51:46

Hadn't read your last post properly. If you have already suggested that someone else might go, I really can't see a problem in inviting another friend.

Auspiciouspanda Sat 27-May-17 10:52:44

I'm guessing the original reason for inviting DD friend was so she wasn't alone and had someone to hang out with? If that's the case I would invite a new friend.

Euphemia Sat 27-May-17 10:58:13

Thanks. I think I need to stop worrying about the friend's feelings so much. She's actually been bloody nasty to DD and others recently and we didn't raise any of that with her and her mother. Just talked about how the girls have grown apart. I was honest but tactful. smile

Hulababy Sat 27-May-17 10:58:58

We had similar - Dd (same age) and a friend grew apart after a fall out a couple of months before a holiday we had booked. It was mutually decided she wouldn't come. It cost me £100 to make the changes to the flights - whether name changed or not going. So we decided to take a different friend - long time friend, whom we'd initially asked and she couldn't make it when first suggested, also friend of family. All was fine.

We have holidays just the three of us (me, dh and Dd), with family, with friends (also with kids) and have twice gone with one of dd's friends. Different types of holidays, all with their own merits and constraints.

MrsJayy Sat 27-May-17 11:10:32

Oh they have properly fell out ithought they were not hanging out or something meh take another pal

AlpacaLypse Sat 27-May-17 11:15:01

We've had this over the years. Don't worry about it. They do change and grow apart. Has your dd got an opinion on which of her friends she'd like to come with you all this year?

Euphemia Sat 27-May-17 11:26:02

Yes, friend was invited as company for DD, so she didn't have to stick around us old bores all the time. grin

Euphemia Sat 27-May-17 11:28:42

DD has a friend in mind.

swingofthings Sat 27-May-17 12:03:06

Considering you all agreed not to go ahead on the basis that they had grown apart (rather than some elaborate excuse), then I can't see why it would be an issue to take another friend. The outcome is that all agreed that it was better to cancel as they wouldn't have fun together, but that doesn't mean they can't both have fun with someone else.

Why paid for what (or agreed to)? I assume if they paid for flights for instance, that they will be reimbursed?

Euphemia Sat 27-May-17 12:12:51

No, we've paid for everything.

MrsJayy Sat 27-May-17 12:20:37

If she has somebody she wants to take invite her I was thinking about other friends feelings as well but if she has been a cowbag to your Dd then it really doesn't matter. 14 year olds are bloody exhausting ime

Euphemia Sat 27-May-17 12:23:25

They are, MrsJayy! It's been a fucker of a week with this plus other work-related drama.

I'll tell you this: I'm not doing a multi-generational holiday plus friend ever again! Last year I felt I spent all my time making sure everyone else was happy, and here I am again! angry

MrsJayy Sat 27-May-17 12:28:17

There is only so much you can do to keep everybody happy the rest is up to them just go try and enjoy it and remember she won't be 14 forever it gets better honest grin

fannydaggerz Sat 27-May-17 12:45:52

I would get another friend. Ex Friends mum has suggested her daughter doesn't go so I don't see the problem with one of your DDs friends filling the space.

TreeTop7 Sun 28-May-17 16:59:57

I'd invite another teenager. You've been honest about it so there's no issue. No reason to feel awkward.

Maybe text the other mum once it's been sorted, just as a courtesy, so the girl doesn't hear about the new arrangement via the grapevine or social media.

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