Do you ever bow to peer pressure? (Xbox related)

[petitdonkey]

DS is 13. All of his close group of friends own the video game Grand Theft Auto bar one. (I have verified this - out of a group of 8, 6 of them have it - others in the year group also but I don't know them)

DS understands why I don't want him to have it and hasn't been arguing or wheedling but it's hard when he comes off the Xbox because his friends are playing that (he can see who is on what) and he can't join in....

Do you always stick to your principles or do you sometimes concede defeat to help them to fit in??? I would so appreciate some advice from those of you who have been through it...

[JamesDelayneysTattoos]

We don't let ds have it, he'll be 14 in July. His older brother was never allowed it either, he's 19 now.

To be fair he hasn't asked for it, he knows our rules on this one.

[ssd]

My eldest never asked for any games I didn't like, his younger brother did. He had these games and wasn't 18, he's a sensible boy and it hasn't done him any harm.

You know your kids better than anyone.

[rosel27]

I don't have an answer but interested in the responses. DSS is 11 and the Xbox is in the living room. I'm often sat in the same room as him while he is playing and all of his friends seem to regularly play on this game meaning he can't join in. Personally we are sticking to our guns on it but according to him, we are the absolute worst parents in the world for not letting him have it

[petitdonkey]

I should add that he does have Call of Duty which is an 18. I made a decision, helped by Common Sense Media and felt that there is violence in some films he watches (Marvel type stuff) so I was 'ok' with it. I only say that to be clear that I am no parenting angel!

DS is a great lad. Focused at school (at the moment!!) takes part in tons of sport and never tries to abuse the screen rules that we have (no screens upstairs, no screens at all for several hours a day on weekends and holidays)

I don't think that GTA is going to turn him into a raging sociopath but can I really describe myself as a feminist if I allow that in the house?? We have two daughters also (aged 8 & 10)

I have such mixed feelings. Thank you for the responses.

[petitdonkey]

rosel - I have stuck to my guns so far but, as he is fast approaching year 9, I am wondering if I have to start to 'give' a little.... the xbox is not in the room where the rest of the family hang out so his sisters wouldnt see it but that isn't the point is it....?

[petitdonkey]

James - funny that DS hasnt asked us, he just looks a bit dejected

We chatted about it earlier and I said something also the lines of 'I'm just trying to make the best parenting decisions I can' and he replied with 'stick to your guns, you're doing a great job' (direct quote!!).

[Jakadaal]

If you really don't want him to have then stick to your guns OP. Ds(15) has plagued us with constant
requests/whines/demands for GTA for 3 years - he has finally given up asking as he knows that we are resolute on this (and yes apparently we are the worst/most old fashioned parents in the world! )

[ssd]

GTA seems to be my boys least favourite game, they got it when everyone had it, got caught up in the excitement for a few months, grew up a bit and seen it for the crap it is and haven't bothered with it since

sometimes its best to let your kids make up their own minds and trust them to make the right decision

[petitdonkey]

See, I am wavering exactly between Jakadaal and ssd's advice!!! Stick to my guns or trust him and let the novelty wear off.... Bearing in mind that I have never actually played the stupid thing...

[Dawnedlightly]

GTA isn't frenetic in the way cod or other war ones are. It's even rather pretty! I don't know how it works with multiplayer but can you let him have it on condition he doesn't do the torture scenes?

[Jakadaal]

For us it was a point of principle- games are classified as 18 for a reason similar to films. Having seen how wound up ds can get playing FIFA (3) and minecraft (7) he isn't ready to cope with shoot outs and prostitutes. You know your son best OP. I was just trying to demonstrate how long we had to hold out for!

[ssd]

petit, do what your gut tells you, I'm talking from hindsight, which is easier to do, if you feel your ds shouldn't have that game then don't bow to pressure from him....chances are he'll play it at a pals house anyway, thats what happened to my ds2, his pals big brother let them play it...sometimes these things are just hard to control as they get older, but its your house and your rules, end of.

[sheepskinshrug]

I don't want my dc (13) to spend a lot of time on the Xbox, I have come under pressure from other family members!!!!! But I have stood firm on not allowing excessively violent games and restricting playing time - I am apparently too controlling.....but my kids know why - because I want what is best for them...I take the difficult path when needed - the family member takes the easy route on everything and her kids are a mess - but that just be coincidence.

[petitdonkey]

This advice is great, special thank you to Smeaton for talking me through what the game involves. I am going to read it all through with DH tomorrow when he is home.

I think I am veering towards letting him have it - he is a great boy who is performing well at school and has a really nice bunch of friends. He totally accepts all the rules that we have around screen time and will happily come for walks with us etc. I am fully aware that could all change very quickly!! This is my first time navigating teens but I currently think I am building this game up as something more than it is...

I can't tell you how much I appreciate the advice.

[Wolfiefan]

It's an 18 for a reason. None of that content sounds appropriate for a younger teen. Killing prostitutes? No. Not in my house.
If you care enough to set a rule then stand by it. Otherwise all your boundaries may be seen as equally flexible.

[sheepskinshrug]

I agree wolfie - the description by smeaton about how prostitutes are/can be treated would be enough for me to say no. There's no way I want my ds playing at treating a woman like that.

[JustDanceAddict]

My DS is the same age and I will not allow it. Most of his friends have it, but not all.
They play other stuff too & so he's not f
Left out. I have explained why he is not getting it - not against all 18 games for him, but I always check them out online first,

[louiseaaa]

Neither of my boys have had it (I can't say that they have never played it as some of their friends have it)

I won't allow it in the house.

(17 yo and 14 yo)