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Teenage Son and Some Girl Issues(11 Posts)
My son is 16; he has mild Aspergers which manifests itself in him as a little socially uncomfortable but nothing that he can't handle. Recently friends of his told him that a girl at their school has seen his photo, and liked him, so he should contact the girl and say hi. He did this, and started chatting to what seems to be a very pleasant, friendly girl. However, and this not the first time this has happened, within a couple of days, she was accusing him of ignoring her if he didn't respond to her messages quickly enough. She then also complained when he said he was going to bed one night as he had an exam the next day and was tired. She accused him that time of "cutting her off" and wouldn't accept his reassurance that he was just tired. He became really stressed out with her demands, so said to her he didn't think he could continue chatting and she then accused him of hurting her, and two of her friends contacted him to say he was stupid and mean, and that she was a really nice girl and that he didn't know what he'd lost.
I'm baffled by the girl's behaviour; they hadn't met, were chatting a bit and from the little I know of her, seems to come from a nice sensible family. The friends, I assume, were just being loyal to her.
As I said, this isn't the first time this has happened; one girl he met, through a group of friends of his younger sister, sent him a photo of her in a vest top from her neck to her waist after meeting him once, and he was horrified! I've carefully monitored what he said to these girls to make sure he hasn't said anything wrong or inappropriate. Since when did teenage girls become so forward and yet over-sensitive? Is this a new thing? Am I missing something? This is really putting him off interacting with girls. Any advice welcome.
According to some research, teenage brains undergo a massive transformation and the part of the brain that controls empathy is the last to fully form. This process doesn't finalise until their early 20s. I do think this explains a lot of the problems with teenagers!
It sounds quite normal for girls of that age tbh. DD17 is slightly on the spectrum, finds it easier to be friends with boys than girls, but is constantly getting into trouble with girls for spending time with their boyfriends (when she literally just wants to be friends with them)
Thanks. But is it normal for girls to be so demanding on someone they've never even met? Or is this an unhappy bi-product of the instant nature of social media? Are our teenagers too needy now?
From what you've said the girl is in the wrong with her behaviour and not your son.
My db recently split with his gf because she was like this and she's 24! So it's not just teenagers. Many girls now are of a generation constantly glued to their phones so this isn't unusual at all. He hasn't done anything wrong by not replying to messages immediately. He doesn't sound like he's been rude or dismissive at all. Not surprised he got tired of it!
Social media has driven people (not all people, but not just teenagers) to expect instant responses, and has also made teens (particularly girls) more insecure, so more desperate for attention (in my opinion).
Thank you! I hope these girls realise that their behaviour is putting nice boys off, and that's a shame for both parties.
Son2 dumped his first girlfriend of all of six weeks because of this type of demanding neediness. He's 16 going on 17 and after only a couple of weeks she expected to stay the night (ummm no) and while we were on holiday, and co incidentally her family on holiday in same county but not near assumed he'd meet up with her in the nearest city (about an hour away) with no thought as to the logistics and feasibility. I met her briefly and she is a nice girl but got her knickers in a twist when son 2 went out to an activity with his friend (female). I think there was a lot of demanding and needy emails and he just couldn't be bothered.
I do wonder if it is down to this insecurity girls have fuelled by social media. They seem to want constant affirmation that they are needed and loved. They also seem to want more out of relatiobships than our rather immature lads are ready for. I felt a bit sorry for her but to be honest, he just doesn't need the hassle.
Thanks "flyingpretty"; I'm glad I'm not imagining things. I just wished these girls realised the damage they're doing. I've told my son not to engage with girls now via social media, but rather wait and meet them, then see how things progress but I must admit I'm having to force myself not to give him a list of conditions to dish out to any future girl about this kind of thing!!!
Son 2 seems to now be going out with friend who is a girl (so first girl was obviously right to be a bit hmmmm although I think it hadn't dawned on him that that was on the cards). I really like girl number 2 but am actually worried that if that breaks up, he loses her as a good friend. She asked him out. This parenting a teen thing is hard!
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