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18yo daughter going on Tinder date

(17 Posts)
OrlandoTheMarmaladeCat Wed 10-May-17 17:03:07

This feels very scary?! What can I do to protect her? Does she need protecting? Am I being paranoid?

She's a very mature 18yo and they're going for a drink in a nearby town. Do I drive her in and hover in the car waiting in case there's a problem? Or is that overkill?

Can you tell that I'm over 50 and have never used Tinder?! In my mind, it's full of dodgy blokes wanting a quickie. My daughter tells me they're not all like that!

ImperialBlether Wed 10-May-17 17:05:56

How old is her date? I think if he's the same age as her it'll be fine.

OrlandoTheMarmaladeCat Wed 10-May-17 17:08:20

He's 24. She's checked him out on social media, his face on snapchat matches his Tinder profile picture so apparently he's not a "catfish" !!

KnockedOutByMyNungaNungas Wed 10-May-17 17:08:37

I'm 21 and a lot of my friends met their now-boyfriend's on Tinder. As long as he seems legit, she has her phone on her and they meet somewhere public like a nice bar or restaurant, she'll be fine. Offer to drive her there and pick her up if you want to, but don't worry too much - it's only the same as online dating! You do get some weirdos on there but if he's going to the point of taking her out, he's probably fine!

Justwaitingforaline Wed 10-May-17 17:09:28

Tinder isn't totally full of dodgy guys. I met my DH through Tinder! There are good guys grin

KnockedOutByMyNungaNungas Wed 10-May-17 17:10:26

also the blokes wanting a quickie is about 70% true, but there are nice guys on there too! My housemate met her graduate boyfriend on there, and another girl I know is moving in with her Olympic athlete boyfriend next month - they met on Tinder too!

Thesp00kykids Wed 10-May-17 17:11:18

I met my fella on tinder and now we are expecting our first child grin

ElspethFlashman Wed 10-May-17 17:12:48

It's all about Tinder nowadays. I have to confess if I was 18 I'd be on it too, as it makes things a lot easier!

A lot of my friends have met nice people on Tinder, it's become so broad across the population now.

user3459859083590890 Wed 10-May-17 17:13:02

She should be fine, so long as she observes the safety rules which apply to meeting any stranger as a pp has suggested.

Make sure your daughter is aware of the following:-

Safety Tips for Online Stranger Encounters

When online, give out as little info as possible.
If possible, meet people on sites that scrutinize their users, though even an extensive profile can be convincingly faked. Do your homework on these sites.
Don’t rely only on profiles. Seek out their name online to see what comes up.
Use a disposable e-mail address (or phone number) service or app.
Speak on the phone first; it’s harder for a man to pretend he’s a woman this way.

In-Person Safety Tips with Strangers

Use your smartphone to share where you’ll be with family and friends. There are apps that will let trusted people view where you’re at.
Choose more than one meeting place (well-lit, very public). This is because you may want to go to a second location if it’s a date, or if it’s a buy-sell, the other person may get lost.
For a buy-sell, bring someone with you.
For dating or business, bring minimal cash, only the amount you expect to pay for an item. Keep extra cash (for haggling) separate and unseen by the stranger.
If the stranger must come to your home to view an item you’re selling, leave your front door open. Try to have someone with you.
Do a background check on anyone whose house you’re going to (such as to clean or babysit).
Safe Strategies with Strangers

Never get into a car with a stranger
Arrange a nearby meeting place for you and trusted friends, after your blind date or business meeting. If it’s a blind date, your friends could be across the street having dinner; only one text message away.
Stick to your meeting place plans; don’t veer off-course.

OrlandoTheMarmaladeCat Wed 10-May-17 17:14:48

You're all lovely and I'm sorry for casting aspersions about your other halves and friends' other halves :D

ElspethFlashman Wed 10-May-17 17:14:59

I'd tell her to take the usual precautions with blind dates - stay in the one public location for the first date.

OrlandoTheMarmaladeCat Wed 10-May-17 17:15:56

user3459859083590890 - thank you so much, that's very helpful

Gallavich Wed 10-May-17 17:17:36

It's just a blind date! There isn't anything special about tinder that turns guys into perverts. Some men who use tinder are perverts but most are regular people looking to date, as presumably your daughter is.
Unless you believe that all men are perverts who just want to send you dick pics then believing that every tinder date is going to end that way is silly.

OrlandoTheMarmaladeCat Wed 10-May-17 17:34:07

To be fair Gallavich, I'd be equally concerned if she was going on a blind date :D In my head she's still about 12....

user1494510499 Thu 11-May-17 15:05:44

Personally, I think treating your EIGHTEEN YO daughter like she is actually 18 and not 5 is a good place to start...

OrlandoTheMarmaladeCat Thu 11-May-17 15:48:19

Yes, thanks for that advice user1494510499 - normally I do but this one was beyond my life experiences living a sheltered life in the country as we do. She read the safety info above, and I gave her a lift there/back and was ready to pick her up if she needed it. She had a great time and was grateful for my support so we're all good. I'll be more relaxed next time. You might think it's ridiculous but you can only go with what you know which is why I turned to MN and got some advice smile

user3459859083590890 Thu 11-May-17 15:51:16

Glad it all went well, OP.

I think it's perfectly understandable to be cautious. It's a scary world out there and every generation has to face new dangers and problems. So our old advice doesn't always stand up to today's issues.

Better be safe than sorry, I say. I would just caution your daughter to never let the safety rules slip. There is a danger that the more we do something, the more blasé we get about it. It's only natural, but something to be watched.

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