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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Inappropriate birthday card for 13yr old

23 replies

EnchantedByGin · 09/05/2017 22:47

Long time lurker, first time poster here, so please be kind.

So, we have just celebrated my DS's 13th bday. His father, my X since he was v young, sent him this card (from Moonpig, which he had personalised...this is a screenshot from their website). I am so appalled at just how inappropriate I find this card. It is basically sexualising his son for his 13th birthday. I'm not sure how many of the innuendos my DS 'got', but he was a bit embarrassed by it and said it was a bit weird. His DF has a tendency to ask at every opportunity (since he was 10!!!) whether he has a GF yet (he doesn't and hasn't).

I don't have the best relationship with my X/DS's father and I don't know whether to challenge him on this? Or would this be a red flag to a bull? I think sadly it might stem from the fact that he doesn't really 'parent' him and so is trying to be his 'mate' instead.

FWIW, my DS loves his DF (and that side of his family) very much, but I don't know how to instigate the conversation with DS about how inappropriate this card is without him feeling like I am launching an attack on his dad.

Advice please?

Inappropriate birthday card for 13yr old

OP posts:

Report

retpally · 09/05/2017 22:50

Seems like a dumb card another 13 year old might give him. Definitely sounds like he wants to be mates and not a dad.

saoirse31 · 10/05/2017 15:38

Don't think its that awful that u need to mention it. Its more like a card a 13 yr old would give him.

Allthebestnamesareused · 10/05/2017 15:56

Maybe he just saw it as a football card rather than reading the silly article titles.

Is your son Brian though as it is outing if he is!

Floggingmolly · 10/05/2017 15:57

Awful.

JaxingJump · 10/05/2017 15:59

I bet it was prewritten and he just put your sons name in without really reading it.

It's pretty crap for a 13yr old. Not even funny for a 20yr old....

Bulldogclips · 10/05/2017 15:59

Pick your battles

Isadora2007 · 10/05/2017 16:01

It's shit but not abusive. 13 isn't exactly an innocent 7 year old...

It will be down and recycled within the month anyway. Don't say anything.

BillyButtfuck · 10/05/2017 16:04

"I am so appalled at just how inappropriate I find this card. It is basically sexualising his son for his 13th birthday."

Really?

Northernparent68 · 10/05/2017 17:26

Why do you want to tell your son the card is inappropriate ? Can't you just keep your opinions to yourself. You do not like it, but your ex did and his opinions are as valid as yours.

Please do not accuse your ex of sexualising your son, that's a serious allegation and not inappropriate in this situation

Whosthemummynow · 10/05/2017 17:29

Erm.... Am I the only one not finding it "sexualising"
At all.

JaxingJump · 10/05/2017 17:48

Really Whos? You don't think joking around with a 13yr old boy about his balls and tackle, pulling girls (scoring), sexy pics of a girlfriend etc. And this is from an adult, not a peer. It's pretty off if you think it's funny or fine.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 10/05/2017 17:51

I don't think it's that controversial. Maybe a bit young, but not worthy of a thread.

originalbiglymavis · 10/05/2017 17:57

My 12 year old would snigger and pretend he has no idea about the double entendres. I wouldn't expect it from an adult though.

JaxingJump · 10/05/2017 17:58

I think it's clear the type of 'man' your ex is aspiring for your son to be. I can understand why you'd want to clarify with him that the sort of banter in the card is not great but I'd probably not say anything.

I am amazed that so many think this sort of banter is fine. Yeah, there's a lot of it around but it's indicative of a certain attitude to women too. And not a nice one.

originalbiglymavis · 10/05/2017 18:04

I'm wondering if he ordered it on his phone and just thought 'oh a footballer - boys like football and it's blue...

tickleyourfancyyourself · 10/05/2017 18:27

I bet he just put Birthday and football into the Moonpig search bar and thought 'that'll do'.
It's not that offensive, just a bit appropriate.

EnchantedByGin · 10/05/2017 18:33

Thanks for the range of responses to this one...think I'll pick my battles. But I still think a conversation with DS about is in order, but maybe I won't use the card as an instigator?

I'm quite shocked to be what seems to be in the minority on my opinion on this... surely the headlines on the card aren't helpful in his developing attitude to sex or to the opposite sex. It might 'just' be banter (which I still think is massively inappropriate for a 13 year olds birthday card, especially when it's from his father! And I'm not convinced that it wasn't sent without reading because some of the 'headlines' have been subtly changed from those on there and not just to show his name), but 13 year old boys grow up to be men. I wonder if those of you who thought I was over reacting would still think it would be ok for a 13 year old girl to receive an equivalent card from either of her parents?!

OP posts:

JaxingJump · 10/05/2017 19:16

I agree completely with you OP.

JustDanceAddict · 10/05/2017 19:18

It's unsuitable from a dad to a son. It's more of a 'matey' card, my 13 ye old DS isn't into girls yet either but would find the double entendres funny.,

InMySpareTime · 10/05/2017 19:24

DS got a totally inappropriate card from a classmate for his 6th birthday. It read:
"On your birthday you'll be like an egg.
If you're not getting laid you'll be getting smashed!"
The giver was not a native English speaker, I can only hope they had no idea what the card actually meant, otherwise .
Anyway, a decade on, DS is unscathed by his card experience, so all's well that ends well...

BillyButtfuck · 10/05/2017 19:58

Spare I know that's really inappropriate but that's hilarious

SunshineDeLaSoul · 10/05/2017 21:59

spare that's really really funny

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Ohyesiam · 10/05/2017 22:32

I can see why he's your ex, and I bet you're very glad he is.
It s not funny, it's not what you want from a farther son dynamic, it's crass, but it's not IMO sexualising. I have worked with children and families traumatised by the child being sexualised, so am quite tuned into it, and it's not triggering a response from me in that direction.
But I hate the attitude to women in it, and if this was given to my son, that's what would rattle me. I know there is worse in the main stream media daily, but that doesn't mean it's benign.
So yes, as you say, pick your battles. Talk to your son about objectification of women, and anything else that you think he needs to navigate our 21st century world. But for my money, steer clear of criticising his dad.

Best of luck with it op.

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