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Inappropriate birthday card for 13yr old

(24 Posts)
EnchantedByGin Tue 09-May-17 22:47:17

Long time lurker, first time poster here, so please be kind.

So, we have just celebrated my DS's 13th bday. His father, my X since he was v young, sent him this card (from Moonpig, which he had personalised...this is a screenshot from their website). I am so appalled at just how inappropriate I find this card. It is basically sexualising his son for his 13th birthday. I'm not sure how many of the innuendos my DS 'got', but he was a bit embarrassed by it and said it was a bit weird. His DF has a tendency to ask at every opportunity (since he was 10!!!) whether he has a GF yet (he doesn't and hasn't).

I don't have the best relationship with my X/DS's father and I don't know whether to challenge him on this? Or would this be a red flag to a bull? I think sadly it might stem from the fact that he doesn't really 'parent' him and so is trying to be his 'mate' instead.

FWIW, my DS loves his DF (and that side of his family) very much, but I don't know how to instigate the conversation with DS about how inappropriate this card is without him feeling like I am launching an attack on his dad.

Advice please?

OP’s posts: |
retpally Tue 09-May-17 22:50:29

Seems like a dumb card another 13 year old might give him. Definitely sounds like he wants to be mates and not a dad.

saoirse31 Wed 10-May-17 15:38:15

Don't think its that awful that u need to mention it. Its more like a card a 13 yr old would give him.

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 10-May-17 15:56:32

Maybe he just saw it as a football card rather than reading the silly article titles.

Is your son Brian though as it is outing if he is!

Floggingmolly Wed 10-May-17 15:57:46

Awful.

JaxingJump Wed 10-May-17 15:59:33

I bet it was prewritten and he just put your sons name in without really reading it.

It's pretty crap for a 13yr old. Not even funny for a 20yr old....

Bulldogclips Wed 10-May-17 15:59:48

Pick your battles

Isadora2007 Wed 10-May-17 16:01:51

It's shit but not abusive. 13 isn't exactly an innocent 7 year old...

It will be down and recycled within the month anyway. Don't say anything.

BillyButtfuck Wed 10-May-17 16:04:39

"I am so appalled at just how inappropriate I find this card. It is basically sexualising his son for his 13th birthday."

Really? hmm

Northernparent68 Wed 10-May-17 17:26:40

Why do you want to tell your son the card is inappropriate ? Can't you just keep your opinions to yourself. You do not like it, but your ex did and his opinions are as valid as yours.

Please do not accuse your ex of sexualising your son, that's a serious allegation and not inappropriate in this situation

Whosthemummynow Wed 10-May-17 17:29:54

Erm.... Am I the only one not finding it "sexualising"
At all.

JaxingJump Wed 10-May-17 17:48:57

Really Whos? You don't think joking around with a 13yr old boy about his balls and tackle, pulling girls (scoring), sexy pics of a girlfriend etc. And this is from an adult, not a peer. It's pretty off if you think it's funny or fine.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 10-May-17 17:51:53

I don't think it's that controversial. Maybe a bit young, but not worthy of a thread.

originalbiglymavis Wed 10-May-17 17:57:29

My 12 year old would snigger and pretend he has no idea about the double entendres. I wouldn't expect it from an adult though.

JaxingJump Wed 10-May-17 17:58:39

I think it's clear the type of 'man' your ex is aspiring for your son to be. I can understand why you'd want to clarify with him that the sort of banter in the card is not great but I'd probably not say anything.

I am amazed that so many think this sort of banter is fine. Yeah, there's a lot of it around but it's indicative of a certain attitude to women too. And not a nice one.

originalbiglymavis Wed 10-May-17 18:04:20

I'm wondering if he ordered it on his phone and just thought 'oh a footballer - boys like football and it's blue...

tickleyourfancyyourself Wed 10-May-17 18:27:21

I bet he just put Birthday and football into the Moonpig search bar and thought 'that'll do'.
It's not that offensive, just a bit appropriate.

EnchantedByGin Wed 10-May-17 18:33:18

Thanks for the range of responses to this one...think I'll pick my battles. But I still think a conversation with DS about is in order, but maybe I won't use the card as an instigator?

I'm quite shocked to be what seems to be in the minority on my opinion on this... surely the headlines on the card aren't helpful in his developing attitude to sex or to the opposite sex. It might 'just' be banter (which I still think is massively inappropriate for a 13 year olds birthday card, especially when it's from his father! And I'm not convinced that it wasn't sent without reading because some of the 'headlines' have been subtly changed from those on there and not just to show his name), but 13 year old boys grow up to be men. I wonder if those of you who thought I was over reacting would still think it would be ok for a 13 year old girl to receive an equivalent card from either of her parents?!

OP’s posts: |
JaxingJump Wed 10-May-17 19:16:53

I agree completely with you OP.

JustDanceAddict Wed 10-May-17 19:18:09

It's unsuitable from a dad to a son. It's more of a 'matey' card, my 13 ye old DS isn't into girls yet either but would find the double entendres funny.,

InMySpareTime Wed 10-May-17 19:24:05

DS got a totally inappropriate card from a classmate for his 6th birthday. It read:
"On your birthday you'll be like an egg.
If you're not getting laid you'll be getting smashed!"
The giver was not a native English speaker, I can only hope they had no idea what the card actually meant, otherwise shockangry.
Anyway, a decade on, DS is unscathed by his card experience, so all's well that ends well...

BillyButtfuck Wed 10-May-17 19:58:09

Spare I know that's really inappropriate but that's hilarious grin

SunshineDeLaSoul Wed 10-May-17 21:59:49

spare that's really really funny grin

Ohyesiam Wed 10-May-17 22:32:00

I can see why he's your ex, and I bet you're very glad he is.
It s not funny, it's not what you want from a farther son dynamic, it's crass, but it's not IMO sexualising. I have worked with children and families traumatised by the child being sexualised, so am quite tuned into it, and it's not triggering a response from me in that direction.
But I hate the attitude to women in it, and if this was given to my son, that's what would rattle me. I know there is worse in the main stream media daily, but that doesn't mean it's benign.
So yes, as you say, pick your battles. Talk to your son about objectification of women, and anything else that you think he needs to navigate our 21st century world. But for my money, steer clear of criticising his dad.

Best of luck with it op.

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