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17 DS has started smoking weed

(16 Posts)
ErIndoorz Sun 07-May-17 07:05:52

Hi all
I never imagined I would ever have to write a post like this as my DS has never shown any interest in drugs and used to moan at me about smoking before I gave up 5 years ago.
He is the kindest 17 I have had the pleasure of knowing. He is helpful, respectful and loving.
Yes he has a little drink when he goes to a friend's party but he isn't a regular drinker as he doesn't really like it.
He is at 6th form although not loving it and is looking to quit to get an apprenticeship. He is desperate to learn to drive. My friend is giving him her car at the end of the month and he has his driving test in June.
He has started going out and about with some lads who are driving and a little bit older than him.
Yesterday he was out with friends and when he came home he went straight up to bed. I went in to say goodnight and could smell weed.
I asked why I could smell it and he told me that he has been around people using it. I asked if he had taken it and he was honest and said yes.
I couldn't believe what he'd said. I said 'you smoked weed?' He said yes.
I asked him to please not start that and he said ok mum, sorry.
I asked him if he felt sick and he said he actually prefers weed as it doesn't make him feel sick like drink does.
I'm gutted that my clever, kind boy has started this and I'm not sure what to do if he carries on.
Me n his dad aren't together but co-parent and he would be devastated if I told him and would come down hard on DS. My husband says I should tell him.
I have always prided myself on being the kind of mum who he can talk to about anything and I wouldn't want him to think I'm just a grass.
I'm worried that he'll get addicted and he'll be driving soon. And the fact he's got in the car with these lads who are obviously stoned.
Has anyone else gone through this?

Ktown Sun 07-May-17 07:12:13

I'd cut his allowance and refuse to pay for him to learn To drive.
A little weed isn't going to kill him. But it makes you bloody dopey and I would think it is quite difficult to study.

ErIndoorz Sun 07-May-17 07:45:21

We've spoken again this morning and he asked if I'm ok or uoset.
I told him I was upset. I asked if he'd been doing it a while and he confirmed.
He asked why I'm upset so I told him I'm worried about the effects it has on the brain. The depression it can cause, the moods and the lack of wanting to do anything. I'm also worried about him driving whilst using. He said he's not that stupid to which I said I wouldn't have thought he'd be stupid enough to start all this.
He says he will stop if I want him to so I've said it's what I want.
He's comparing it to drinking, which I do regular. I've had to say that it affects u in a different way to drinking and drinking is legal. There's a reason that weed isnt.
I'm just gutted

Squeegle Sun 07-May-17 10:59:42

I'm sorry you're having this. But the great thing is that you are talking to each other and he is being honest with you. You can't force him to do anything, and you don't want to drive him into not being honest . So can you say the truth about why you don't want him doing it. Say that if he must do it that's up to him, but not at home and not to get into a car with anyone who has been smoking weed. Because it is as bad as drink and driving, if not worse as it's illegal. But the main reason is you don't want him to come to any harm. And you care about him. He sounds like a considerate boy who will take seriously what you say if you don't push it too hard?

specialsubject Sun 07-May-17 12:29:39

A little weed won't kill him, but getting in a car driven by a drugged person might. Four teens in a car are a high enough chance of disaster even without the driver being stoned or drunk.

It is also seriously sad that he can't have fun without chemical help. Not saying he needs to be teetotal but the phrase 'get a life' comes to mind. And yes, there is a reason that it is illegal.

The main thing for now is that you don't want to be attending his funeral, so he needs to stop getting in a car with an unfit driver.

Squeegle Sun 07-May-17 14:42:29

special, have you got experience of dealing with teens? Do you think that saying get a life is really going to change this young mans thinking?

mummytofour Tue 09-May-17 23:41:47

I'm going through this with my 17 yr old. It's been going on a while, he dropped out of college and just wanted to get stoned all the time, he was also using harder drugs. He now works but when not at work he is stoned. He gets very irritable and aggressive but believes he can't function without it now.

SugarnetMum Thu 11-May-17 23:09:20

He's late to start tbh. I'd say it will just be a weekend occurrence which is okay somewhat!

ErIndoorz Thu 11-May-17 23:32:40

@mummytofour I'm sorry u are going through it too. Ur DS sounds like he's pretty hooked which is exactly wot worries me. He has promised me he'll stop. I hope ur DS does too

ErIndoorz Thu 11-May-17 23:36:13

@SugarnetMum I know! Although I was shocked I am surprised it didn't happen sooner.
I think I'd be happy if it was a weekend occurrence and as long as he doesn't drive after a joint!
I have to agree somewhat when he says drink is legal and all he see are people fighting and passing out lying in their own vomit when had a drink... It's not like that after a joint.
I'd still rather him not do it though.

Thanks all for ur help.

GallicosCats Mon 15-May-17 17:03:56

It's worth pointing out to your DS that the active ingredient in weed can hang around in the body for several weeks - something he might want to bear in mind as he's learning to drive.

ErIndoorz Mon 15-May-17 17:45:12

He passed his test today and has sworn he wont smoke it any more. He's too worried about losing his licence grin

datkins Thu 29-Jun-17 06:37:23

hate to bring up this debate but you can overdose on alcohol and die but not with cannabis, it's legalised in quite a few places now, my father has said to me a few times that he would prefer me doing cannabis than drinking, shows how times have changed, its the shit that suppliers put in the weed that make it harmful to your brain

Wallywobbles Thu 29-Jun-17 06:50:22

It does have a particularly shitty effect on your brain though you won't know for decades. It creates actual holes in your brain, which causes the brain to effectively rewire itself until it can't anymore. Then as you get older and bits of your brain stop functioning due to age the effects become more noticeable at an earlier stage. That is my non technical understanding of the issue and I was a long term smoker.

My DSis studied the effects on younger smokers and the results were surprisingly marked in terms of capacity to function in memory and concentration terms. She would prefer hard drugs over cannabis in terms of brain damage.

I think we will probably see a marked increase in memory/brain issues with the generations of heavy long term users who are now in the 50s and 40s as they head into their 60s and 70s.

UnbornMortificado Thu 29-Jun-17 07:20:43

I'm biased as I hate the stuff to start off with but practically there has been studies showing it can affect the teenage brain.

I've been in and out of pysch hospitals with MH problems for years. Every young male I've been in with had weed as a common factor.

My own DH has paranoid schizophrenia (real diagnosis, medicated etc) and blames his teenage cannabis use for it.

I'm the least preachy person ever and an ex-addict (not weed) myself but I would go mad if any of my DC started with it.

Iluvthe80s Thu 29-Jun-17 08:57:52

First of all its great you have an open dialogue between the two of you.. Sorry you are going through this. It is a shock, especially if you were not into drugs yourself when younger (my DH and I were not)

Our 15 year old DS is smoking weed. He is getting support from a drug support charity to stop. We have also voiced our concerns, talked through the risks etc. but realise he has to want to give up himself.

We will not be allowing our DS to take driving lessons, unless we are 100% sure he is not using drugs

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